...for those cold nights alone...
Profound
all I want
is for someone
to realise that
all I need
is for someone
to realise that
all I need
is for them
to realise that
all I need
is them.
impossible.
Falling
Arms flailing
I have no control
I had a grasp
Kept it
As long as I could
My fingers slipped
As I let go
And started to drop
Falling fast
My arms reach out
Nothing to catch
No way to stop
I keep falling
Bleeding
Terrified by who I am
I struggle to know myself
Being hurt by what's within
There's nothing left but me
I need to know if I'm alive
I'm feeling so alone
Everything is dead inside
Except the pain that bleeds my soul
Pushing forth emotions
Holding back the tears
I weep inside; I weep alone
Afraid of all my fears
Deathly Wishes
(Suicide Note of the Lost and Lonely)
Darkness and hate fall over his eyes
His life is full of secrets and lies
Voices scream aloud in his head
Telling him that soon he'll be dead
Gun to his head, life in his hands
Head to his heart, tear falls and lands
Love is much obligated to those who deserve it
Yet can not be given to him who can not breathe it
Generally Untitled
Dead and dying.
Stuck in a rut
and I can't break free.
I am lost
in my insecurities.
No one sees me.
No one knows my fears.
All they see
is a cold blank stare
but never a glimpse
inside to my pain.
I feel shrivelled
and worn and tired,
hopeless to the fact
that I am not alive.
So much feeds from
the pain I endure -
So much life
comes from my death.
Dreaming About Yourself
Feel the dust
Burn in your lungs
As you drift
Your way away from me.
Listen to the ringing
Of the silence in your mind,
And you lie awake
Dreaming about yourself.
Hanging My Heart By the Neck
Twilight surrounds my lonesome soul.
Rivers entwined in my inhibitions.
Never-ending pain, leaving me broken.
I waste away... feeling nothing... and everything.
I sold myself out to my own paranoia.
Filled with hate, my sorrow overcomes.
Like a dripping water, I long for someone.
Alone and ashamed, suffocating my expressions.
Agony
A man
Sits alone and afraid
Head in his hands
As he weeps
Throbbing of My Life
Nothing of myself
makes me feel alive.
Tired of living
with no one by my side.
Feeling so alone
and knowing nothing else.
Hurting in my soul;
Pain is all I've felt.
Pointless
I dream at day
I dream at night
So much dreaming
With no life in sight
Nightmare screaming
Romantic dreaming
Darkness falls
Covers my mind
Waking not
Continue to dream
Nothing real
Not as they seem
Sleeping awake
Alive but dead
Thoughts of nothing
Fill my empty head
Lost in a life
That is not real
No hate to taste
No pain to feel
Nothing within
Nothing without
Nothing but a dream
And nothing about
Drowning
I saw that it was deep
I knew I couldn't swim
And so I jumped
Yes, I know I was stupid
I made a big mistake
It looked like fun
I wanted to see what happened
I didn't know how it felt
It looked so inviting
Felt really good for a moment
Thought I might actually float
Until I realised I jumped too far
Dipped under
Couldn't keep myself up
No matter how hard I tried
It enveloped me
Surrounding my body
My insides, my outsides and my soul
My heart beating
My chest throbbing
I couldn't think
I strained to breathe
What I knew I couldn't reach
As it pulled me under
Choking me
Taking me from life
And I died.
Never
You never asked to know my name
You said "It doesn't really matter
I love you just the same."
And when you left me alone;
Left me high and dry,
I said, "If it doesn't really matter
then why do I want to die?"
From the Inside
If I regress
If I seclude
Myself in my hole
In my Cage
Where will You Be?
Watching?
Waiting?
From the outside
For me to dig Out?
or will You come in after me?
and pull me out
Breathe into me air
That I lost when I lost myself
Or do I suffocate?
Inside the world
Inside my Head
Inside my life
Inside my Heart.
dissipation
If only you knew...
If only you could feel
The pain that I feel
Every moment of my life.
Then maybe you would
Understand the reasons
Why I don't wish to live
And I don't wish to die.
I refuse to exist
In the hell in which I dwell
And have resented
My whole damn life.
If there is any way
For me to live without
My hurt and sorrow
Help me. Tell me now.
For I am about to crack;
I am about to slide
Away from myself
And the longing inside.
Forever I will be lost
In the tears from my eyes.
The tears will not cease;
Never will they be dry.
My only emotions
Are hate, fear and love.
Pieces of a puzzle.
Broken... I love.
Broken
Severed lives and
scattered souls
breathe in anguish
and sorrow.
What I'd give
to be whole again
does not compare
to my love for you.
I feel as if
parts of me
are scattered
to and fro
and the only thing left
that's worth anything
is the brokenness
in my heart.
Am I alone...
or is it just me?
So li tu de
And misery
overcome the silence.
setting up a steel gate,
b r i c k w a l l s...
piecing together
what fell apart long ago
lying in my own
b r o k e n n e s s
painful memories...
following lost dreams
and sitting together
w i t h m y s e l f.
Torment
Well -
I haven't blown up...
yet.
There's always tomorrow.
But I won't die
like I thought
I would.
Torment
must keep me alive
to tear away
at my sanity.
To die
would be much
too easy
of an escape
from this hell
that I am living every day.
Oh well... there's nothing I can do
except endure the madness
the tormenting madness
the agonizing madness
inside my head.
Suicide
A pain in my wrists
when I think about death
Sharp, stabbing, blood-
red neckline
Beyond imagination
Leaving all behind
Nothing but my life
flashes through my mind.
Betrayal
Tomorrow or Today
Not that it matters anyway
I'll always be alone
as long as I am here
and nothing will change
with nothing to fear.
Loneliness is just
a part of my life
But it cuts and stabs
in deep like a knife.
It twists and it turns
digging up my soul.
I'll always be alone;
I'll never be whole.
I bring it on myself,
Yes, I am to blame
for this pain and misery
for this life of shame.
But I'm keeping it in
Kept it locked up inside.
I have felt this hurt
since the day that I died.
Tick
Throw me away
And leave me rotted
Kick my side
And bleed me dry
Lock me out
And forget my existence
No one knows
My life is a lie
But then again neither do I.
I Shred My Life
Restlessness and hate
Violence creeping in
The softness of my heart
Stabbed and torn
My throat runs dry
As my mind goes dead
All I can feel
Is the throbbing in my head
Pulsing through my veins
I tear my throat away
Ripping at my flesh
I bleed until I die
Nothing seeming real
I awaken to my death
Everything around me
And nothing in its place
Love and hate
All as one
Death and life
And nothing to become
Sanctity
Wasted and bleeding
Tattered and torn
Falling from life.
Ashamed.
I lie to myself
About everyone else,
True only to no one
Unreal as my thoughts.
Sorrow and hate
And full of love,
I break my heart
Hoping for someone
To piece me together again.
Peaceful visions
Come to my eyes
As I die.
Subconscious Feelings
Terror and turmoil inside
Taking its hold on my mind
Grab my life and take a squeeze
Poke a hole in my heart
and watch it bleed
The words you said
and the looks you gave
Made my pain the master
and my life the slave
No one knows the time or day
That I will take my life
instead of give it away.
Hatred
Hate -
I have none
And yet -
It is given - to me
Day - by Day
Shown to me
By people - who Love me?
I'm asking a question
Why do you hate?
What have I done - to make
You hate me.
Voiceless
The screams that ache inside me
Squeak out from me so quietly.
All the pain locked in a box
Safe inside my soul.
I stretch and strain and tear away
The covers of my hurt
Only to uncover more layers
Than I have had before.
To let it flow from my heart
But never to be heard
It's killing me so silently;
Voiceless utters no single word.
Blameless
left alone
in my selfishness
fighting for some peace
that no one can give me
having nothing
and giving it all away
taking from myself
what i never had
filling my mind
with some sense of things
i long for what is real
and end up lost
please give me a touch
a feeling inside
knowledge of life
only willing to die
Web of Terror
Follow the leader
into the unknown.
Feel one another
inside and out.
Sit and space
Out of your mind.
Why do we do this?
A Cry From the Dark
cold. fettering.
left to die alone.
my life has been spent
in recreant pursuit
of the things they say
will make me complete.
but lying here in waste
shows the value of life.
worthless and ungrateful.
everything I am,
everything I have,
dies with me.
Lost In Thought
This never-ending fear
that keeps me hidden
will never let me go.
As I wander deep
into the darkness
I find -
I've left you far behind.
Sometimes
I wish I was
Someone else
Somewhere else
and sometimes
I wish I was here.
Dark Light
Loneliness
Streaming from my soul
I try to hide it
But I can't
It shows like a burn
Tearing away at my flesh
Covering only makes
It worse.
A beam of darkness
Showing through
Stronger than the light
Reveals my pain
To the ones I wish
To hide it from.
Sleep
Waiting for the light
to drag us from our dreams;
Clutching onto anything that seems real.
Drifting through our lives.
Struggling through our nightmares.
We wonder how we survive.
Monsters and demons
tearing at our flesh -
We awaken to a new day.
Reveal the Pain
Sold my soul
for one little thrill
Now the time is over
and there's time to kill
Losing a promise
I made to myself
This is the worst pain
that I have ever felt
Tearing away
the flesh from my eyes
I peel back the layers
and remove the disguise.