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In the 1990's, the United States of America alone consumed almost 800 pounds of beef per capita; almost 2000 pounds in the entire world! On average, each human being on Earth ate two entire cows in that one decade. Now that's a hell of a lot of beef. Many long years ago, there was a man. The Unabomber was one of the most notorious men in the world... and yet, no one absolutely knew who this man was. Around the same time, only a few years later, there appeared a new media interest. Many cows began to act strangely and die mysteriously. Scientists found a virus in the tainted beef, but only after many cows and humans had died. The media dubbed this virus "Mad Cow Disease" because of the "insane" personality the cows obtained from the virus... but where did this virus come from? Who infected the cows? One cold November night, a dark, quiet figure lurked in the shadows of a cowshed in Northern England. With a quick flash of a hand, and a small sound from a cow, the first dose of the "Mad Cow" virus was injected. Back in his suburban home in Northern California, the not-so-dark-or-quiet figure sent a letter to every major news network in the world, telling of his dreams of ridding the world of consumption of beef. Announcing his plan of infecting cows to scare the masses away from beef-consumption, he referred to himself as "The Unabeefer" in a cheap attempt to ride The Unabomber's popularity. Deeming his story and especially his pseudonym a bit too ridiculous for the public, the media decided to hide The Unabeefer indefinitely. They devised some silly story of cows eating cows and fed it to the public in as great a quantity as the public feeds on the cows themselves. So The Unabeefer took it upon himself to go public. In the mid-to-late 1990's, he found one of the biggest Internet chat networks available: WBS. Gaining much popularity and support, The Unabeefer was named "King" or "Leader" of many chat rooms. He then dedicated his life, not to beef protection as before, but to insanity. He then asumed the role of "King of Raving Lunacy" and confused anyone and everyone who crossed his path. He had found his niche, but he wasn't yet about to give up his title of The Unabeefer. Several years later, in around 1998 or 1999, after a few impostors and some misplaced blame, The Unabeefer ceased to exist... WBS was no more, and the man who once called himself "The Beef" went into hiding. It is the year 2002. Upon hearing of the new "War Against Terrorism" in the world, The Unabeefer came from hiding, to reveal upon the world a new form of terror... beef. One can only imagine what the future holds in store for The Unabeefer. |