Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Coming In 2011

Well, I finally finished that damn Em-Ess-Tee-Three-Kay-A-Thon. It was plenty of fun, and it was good to go back and re-experience every episode of my favourite show... but now that’s over, and not a day too soon.

I think the whole “watch four(4) episodes a week and find the effort to write about them all” thing a bit tiresome... but I did it!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

1013: Danger: Diabolik

MST3k, Experiment #1013

Out for all he can take, seduce, or get away with... Danger: Diabolik.

In psychedelic swinging 60s style, the dreaded thief (and killer) Diabolik wreaks havoc on a generic European country for his own financial gain and amusement. He shares an extravagant underground lair (and a giant bed of money) with his curvaceous, superficial girlfriend...who uses her awesome powers of wig-wearing to help Diabolik kill innocent people and steal billions from the government. Nonetheless, Diabolik is the "hero" of the film because he must face off against bumbling cops and revenge-seeking mafiosos.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

1012: Squirm

MST3k, Experiment #1012

A Case of Spring Fever. By accidentally bad-mouthing springs, a doughy man runs afoul of Coily the Spring Sprite, a hellish little creature with a single tooth, pointed ears and a voice like a cartoon grandpa. Angered by the man's taking springs for granted, the demonic Coily shows the man a dystopian world where springs no longer exist. Whenever the man attempts to use something that once contained springs, Coily lunges out of the device, shrieking "No springs!" before chuckling demonically and disappearing with an odd whistling noise. At the brink of insanity, our lumpy hero pleads with Coily to return him to the world he once took for granted. After a brief moment of consideration, Coily relents and brings him back to his own universe. After his epiphany, the he becomes a spring zealot, preaching about the marvellous wonders of springs and their importance in everyday life, much to the annoyance of his golf buddies. On the drive home, one of his friends makes the same mistake he once made- wishing to never see another spring again- but he is cut short by our spring-spouting preacher before Coily can strike again.

The Night is Crawling with Killers. Squirm.

At the beginning of the film, we learn from one of the characters that earthworms can be called to the surface with electricity, but somehow it turns them into vicious flesh-eaters. Sure enough, a storm that night causes some power lines to break and touch the ground, drawing millions of man-eating worms out of the earth, and into town where they quickly start munching on the locals.

1011: Horrors of Spider Island

MST3k, Experiment #1011

Craving the Blood of Beautiful Women! Horrors of Spider Island.

En route to a show in Singapore, a troupe of beautiful dancers are stranded on a deserted island by a plane crash. Their routine of skinny-dipping and devising new skimpy outfits is interrupted when a radioactive spider bites their manager and turns him into a wild-eyed, furry-faced monster with three fangs and a passion for strangling.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

1010: It Lives By Night

MST3k, Experiment #1010

After the sun has set and the night wind has died comes the hour of the bat people! It Lives By Night.

A doctor specializing in bats, and his new wife interrupt their honeymoon to go spelunking in Carlsbad Cavern. There he is bitten by a fruit bat and inexplicably undergoes a transformation into a vampire bat. He ultimately escapes, however, escaping back to the caves. His wife, infected by her husband, kills the local constabulary and goes to join him.

Monday, December 06, 2010


I am starting this entry with no poem written and no idea what it will be about... I sorta like doing em this way. Now, let's see how this ends up.

1009: Hamlet

MST3k, Experiment #1009


Hamlet returns to his remarkably minimalistic palace in Denmark and finds out his father is dead and his uncle Claudius has married his mother Gertrude. His father's ghost appears, and tells Hamlet to avenge him forthwith. Hamlet stages a play to confirm Claudius' guilt and his mother's compliance, but then inadvertently kills his girlfriend Ophelia's father, Polonius. This drives her insane, while her brother Laertes sets out to avenge his father's death. In a climactic swordfight, Claudius tries to poison Hamlet with Laertes' sword and a poisoned cup. Gertrude takes the poison cup out of guilt, while Hamlet realizes Laertes' sword is poisoned...

Sunday, December 05, 2010

1008: Final Justice

MST3k, Experiment #1008

A one-man war on crime! Final Justice.

Geronimo is the Sheriff of a little Texas town. One night two brothers from Palermo kills the sheriffs coworker and pal so he chases them. The chase takes him across the border down to Mexico where he kills one of the brothers and takes the other one back to USA to stand trial. The surviving brother vows revenge on the sheriff. But the criminal is handed over to the Italian police and the sheriff is sent over to Europe with the prisoner.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

1007: Track of The Moon Beast

MST3k, Experiment #1007

The Rising Moon Creates A Monster. Track of The Moon Beast.

Professor "Johnny Longbow" Salina, a man who really knows his stews, introduces Paul Carlson to the practical-joking Kathy Nolan. Paul and Kathy seem to hit it off rather well but, during a meteor storm, a meteorite fragment strikes Paul, burying itself deep in his skull, which has the unpleasant side-effect of causing Paul to mutate into a giant reptilian monster at night and go on murderous rampages. It turns out that this sort of thing has happened before, when Professor Salina rediscovers ancient Native American paintings detailing a similar event many centuries ago. Kathy, however, still loves Paul, and tries to save him.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

1006: Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues

MST3k, Experiment #1006

The Legend Too Monstrous To Die...Surfaces Again! Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues.

Professor and students camp out to find Bigfoot-type creature.

Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm Running Out of Ideas

Alright, we're almost to the end of the year, when I will have finally finished my "one crappy poem every week" mission. Here's a poem about it.

1005: The Blood Waters of Dr. Z

MST3k, Experiment #1005

A creature like you've never seen before. The Blood Waters of Dr. Z.

A mad scientist (and apparent former Nazi) unleashes his master plan: to transform himself into a mutated walking catfish, gain revenge on those who have spurned him, and kidnap nubile young women to similarly transform so that he can breed. Or something like that.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

1004: Future War

MST3k, Experiment #1004

It came from the future to hunt humans. Future War.

A race of evil cyborgs kidnap humans from Earth's future to use as slaves, and take dinosaurs from the past to use as trackers. One of their slaves, the Runaway, escapes and makes his way to present-day Los Angeles. There he must fend off the cyborgs and their trackers, the police, and the government, befriended by a prostitute-turned-nun who runs a halfway house.

Friday, November 26, 2010

1003: Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders

MST3k, Experiment #1003

In a world where magic only exists, anything can happen. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders.

This is a movie within a TV movie within a made-for-video movie. A boy is watching TV when a power outage forces him to talk to his grandpa for entertainment. His grandpa, a former screenwriter, re-tells an old screenplay about Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders. In it, Merlin sets up an enchanting store in a modern-day strip mall, accompanied by his gleeful wife and gnomes, snakes, dragons, etc. From this framing device, we then see two stories about people's encounters with items from the shop. The first sequence (created for this film but looking like an episode of "Tales From The Darkside") involves a pompous, cranky newspaper critic who begins casting spells using Merlin's spell book. The second story, an edited version of the full length movie, The Devil's Gift, is about an evil monkey doll (you know, the wicked grin and the cymbals?) who kills every time his hands clap. Merlin of the 1990s is disjointedly tied-in with the 1980 movie.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

1002: Girl In Gold Boots

MST3k, Experiment #1002

She Hungered For Fame... The Men In Her Life Offered Love, Danger, Excitement! Girl In Gold Boots.

A young girl, Michele, is persuaded by a disreputable agent-type to leave her job as a waitress and travel to Los Angeles to become a go-go dancer. There, she must compete with the established top star, Joan, and eventually ends up taking her place.

Ice and Fleas

Okay, last week's poem actually went really well.  I just rambled streams of words that went through my head and typed them before really thinking about them.  Oddly, it almost made sense.  I doubt I'll have the same luck this week, (considering I typed "lunch" instead of "luck" just now... perhaps I should eat.) but I'm gonna do it again anyways.  It'll be fun.

1001: Soultaker

MST3k, Experiment #1001

Trapped in the Twilight Between Life and Death. Soultaker.

Mysterious unseen men in black collect the souls of the recently dead. When four teenagers "die" in a car wreck, one of these beings is sent to retrieve their souls. However, the teens are disembodied and realize their predicament. They flee. The movie revolves around them being picked off one by one, The Man's infatuation with one of the teenagers (who was apparently his lover in a past life), and the efforts of the teens to reunite their souls with their hospitalized bodies.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

0913: Quest of The Delta Knights

MST3k, Experiment #0913

In an age of swords and sorcery, one young hero holds the key to infinite wisdom - and ultimate power. Quest of The Delta Knights.

This action-comedy takes place on a world where the 15th Century finds Europe still caught in the grip of the Dark Ages. A young boy named Tee is sold into slavery, and bought by the beggar Raydoor, who takes him on as an apprentice. When Raydoor realizes that Tee is the subject of a prophecy, he reveals himself as one of the Delta Knights, a secret order dedicated to helping humanity. Trained by Raydoor, Tee also becomes a Delta Knight and joins forces with a ne'er-do-well painter named Leonardo (from the small town of Vinci), and a tavern girl, Thena. Pursued by Lord Vultare, minion of the wicked Mannerjay, they set out on a quest to find the lost treasures of Archimedes.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

0912: The Screaming Skull

MST3k, Experiment #0912

Free coffin if you don't DIE OF FRIGHT! The Screaming Skull.

Newlyweds Eric and Jenni Whitlock retire to his desolate mansion, where Eric's first wife Marianne died from a mysterious freak accident. Jenni, who has a history of mental illness, begins to see strange things including a mysterious skull, which may or may not be a product of her imagination. Suspicion falls on Mickey, the estate's mentally challenged gardener, who was seemingly was very attached to his former mistress.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

0911: Devil Fish

MST3k, Experiment #0911

Sink your teeth into pure terror. Devil Fish.

Several boats are torn apart, badly wrecked corpses are washed ashore... something horrible is out in the Caribbean sea. The teeth marks on the bodies don't lead to any known animal, so scientist Dr. Stella Dickens suspects it's a so far unknown life form and strives to catch it alive. She doesn't know yet that ruthless scientists have genetically created this creature as a bioweapon, or that it has been designed to reproduce by asexual means. And that the company she works for created the creature and will stop at nothing to keep their secret.

I Like To Make Log Cabins With My Mind

Okay, I think I am going to try something new for this week's poem. Let's hope it works.

Monday, November 15, 2010

0910: The Final Sacrifice

MST3k, Experiment #0910

On this mission, no sacrifice is too great! The Final Sacrifice.

Ruled by the evil Satoris, an ancient cult of Canadian wrestlers, the Ziox, are bent on world domination. Instrumental to their plan is a map to the ancient Ziox cult idol, recently discovered by a young boy, Troy. When the Ziox invade his home to recover the map, he flees and ends up in the bed of a passing pickup truck, driven by Rowsdower. Rowsdower and Troy become friends, and together search for the lost idol before the Ziox can claim it and take over the world.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

0909: Gorgo

MST3k, Experiment #0909

Like nothing you've ever seen before! Gorgo.

A salvage vessle is nearly sunk off the Irish coast by an undersea earthquake. A few nights later, a walking sea monster tangles with the fishing boats and enters the town. The salvage vessel captures Gorgo and takes it to London for display. Gorgo's mother, who is upset and significantly larger follows his trail to London leaving a wake of destruction in her path.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

0908: The Touch of Satan

MST3k, Experiment #0908

To Love Her Is To Be Cursed! The Touch of Satan.

On his way to California, Jodie decides on a whim to make a brief side trip to a farm, where he meets and falls in love with Melissa, the proverbial farmer's daughter. Or so it seems. In between the overlong dramatic pauses, we learn that Melissa is in fact a 120-year-old witch, and her remarkably spry "great-grandmother," Lucinda, is actually her sister, who has been pitchforking people to death in her spare time. When Lucinda murders a local policeman, things start to get real complicated for Jodie.

0907: Hobgoblins

MST3k, Experiment #0907

Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it! Hobgoblins.

A group of hobgoblins, who allow you to live out your fantasies but kill you in the process, escape from a studio vault, and a security guard and his friends must stop them before dawn.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Seems Like Old Times

A quick poem about a movie I grew up with and am watching now.

0906: The Space Children

MST3k, Experiment #0906

Century 21 Calling. An informational short featuring two overly-enthusiastic celibate teens who witness the amazing phone of the future! Marvel at the ground-breaking, state-of-the-art features such as call waiting, call conferencing, and touch-tone dialing. Incredible!

Slowly...and with horror the parents realized THEIR CHILDREN WERE THE SLAVES OF 'THE THING' FROM OUTER SPACE! The Space Children.

A glowing brain-like creature arrives on a beach near a rocket test site via a teleportation beam. The alien communicates telepathically with the children of scientists. The kids start doing the alien's bidding as the adults try to find out what's happening to their unruly offspring.

Friday, November 05, 2010

0905: The Deadly Bees

MST3k, Experiment #0905

Hives of horror! - Excited by the smell of fear, they inflict their fatal stings! The Deadly Bees.

Pop singer Vicki Robbins collapses from exhaustion while shooting the 1960's equivalent of a music video, and her physician prescribes a respite on Seagull Island with colleague and bee-keeper, Ralph Hargrove. Vicki finds the Hargroves' bitter marital strife oddly relaxing. But when a mysterious swarm of specially bred attack bees starts killing island residents, Vicki fights for her survival, setting fire to nearly half the structures on the island in her escape.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

0904: Werewolf

MST3k, Experiment #0904

Rest In...Beast. Werewolf.

A team of archaeologists with unplaceable accents unearth a skeleton at a dig in an Arizona quarry. The Native Americans on the dig instantly recognize it as the remains of a werewolf, so the team leaders immediately take it to their lab and stare at it. Natalie, one of the team members, thinks it's absolutely fascinating, but Yuri siezes on greater ambitions when one of the dig assistants, who injured themself on the remains, becomes infected and turns into a werewolf in full view of hospital personnel. Yuri then conducts an experiment infecting other people in town to see if they turn into werewolves as well. When Paul arrives at the lab to assist in analyzing the remains, Yuri infects him, too. After Paul's transformation (under a week-long full moon), Natalie tries to save him.

I Fell Behind

Here's a little poem to try to catch up with things now that I am back from my trip.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

0903: The Pumaman

MST3k, Experiment #0903

The Pumaman.

Low-budget superhero flick about a young man given a mystical medallion by a South American shaman, in order to become a puma- empowered champion like his father before him. In trying to locate the young man initially, the shaman has the nasty habit of pushing candidates out windows to test them.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

0902: The Phantom Planet

MST3k, Experiment #0902

It Begins Where Others End! On the Moon! The Phantom Planet.

The mysterious appearance of an unknown planet brings miniature people, giant monsters, beautiful women and undaunted heroes to the screen. The self-contained planet "Rheton" has the ability to move in and out of galaxies to escape their enemies. Earth sends an astronaut team to investigate, which discovers miniature people. One astronaut survives to help them fight off monsters and Solorite attacks.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

0901: The Projected Man

MST3k, Experiment #0901

He is... The Projected Man.

A scientist experimenting with matter transmission from place to place by means of a laser beam suddenly decides to use himself as a test specimen. But the process goes awry, and one side of his body becomes hideously deformed and instantly lethal to anyone it touches.

Monday, October 25, 2010

0822: Overdrawn At The Memory Bank

MST3k, Experiment #0822

They want to control his mind but can't even find his body. Overdrawn At The Memory Bank.

Raul Julia plays Aram Fingal, a very intelligent computer programmer and a very bored man in the employ of Novicorp, a mega-corporation that exists somewhere in the future. When caught watching "Casablanca" at his desk, Fingal is required to undergo rehabilitation therapy called "doppling." Doppled patients find their minds transferred into the bodies of animals for a new outlook on life (and for a number of amusing nature documentary sequences narrated by Julia). However, Fingal's body is misplaced and he is transferred into a computer while the body is located. With the help of Appolonia James, a medical technician played by Linda Griffiths, Fingal manages to reprogram himself into a simulation of Casablanca and eventually gains access to Novicorp's financial computers, bringing the company to its knees. But Fingal's real problem is getting back into his body before his memory patterns are erased.

I Am Listening To Leonard Cohen

A short poem before my trip to Chicago. (for more information about my trip, follow me on Twitter.)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

0821: Time Chasers

MST3k, Experiment #0821

The times they are a changing... Time Chasers.

Nick creates a time machine out of an airplane and a Commodore-64, and shows it to his friends by taking them 50 years into the future. Nick sells the technology to Gen-Corp, a high-tech firm run by J.K. Robertson, whose office is in the mezzanine of a shopping mall. Robertson, however, turns out to be Evil, and uses the time machine to plunder the future. With the lives of himself and his friends at stake, Nick needs to use his time machine to travel a week back in time and convince himself not to give the demo to Robertson.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

0820: Space Mutiny

MST3k, Experiment #0820

There is nowhere to hide from the enemy within! Space Mutiny.

Space Mutiny is a hilariously bad sci-fi epic that's guaranteed to have you in stitches. Combine a wardrobe of spandex and tinfoil; a set boasting AstroTurf and spray-painted floor buffers; and special effects that, well, aren't so special, and you've got one of the most hysterical cheeseball movies to ever come out of the '80s. Grab your friends and have a riot with this underground cult hit!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

0819: Invasion of The Neptune Men

MST3k, Experiment #0819

Invasion of The Neptune Men.

Slow-moving aliens from the planet Neptune, wearing nosecone-shaped space helmets, attempt to invade Earth in a winged rocketship. But they are thwarted by a mysterious superhero called Space Chief who flies around in a rocket-propelled car.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

0818: Devil Doll

MST3k, Experiment #0818

Strange! Terrifying! Evil! Devil Doll.

Vorelli is a ventriloquist and hypnotist, with an amazing dummy, Hugo. Vorelli meets and pursues a beautiful heiress; he mesmerizes her, and induces a baffling coma. His buxom mistress fears he'll dump her for the younger woman, and threatens to expose him. Vorelli tricks Hugo into killing Magda while he's safely elsewhere. Marianne's boyfriend Mark investigates. He discovers another killing in Vorelli's past, of a man called Hugo. The girl wakes from her coma, and announces she will marry the hypnotist. When the triumphant Vorelli tells Hugo his plans for Marianne and a new, female dummy, a final confrontation yields surprising results.

Monday, October 18, 2010

0817: The Horror of Party Beach

MST3k, Experiment #0817

Horrifying!!! Teenage slumber party attacked by demons from the dead! The Horror of Party Beach.

While the hot rodders and motorcyclists are having a rock-and-roll beach party, a barrel of radioactive material is unloaded from a passing ship, plunges to the bottom and splits against a jagged rock. A black liquid oozes out and covers a shapeless mass on the ocean floor, which suddenly moves and becomes an encrusted vicious monster. Soon there are several monsters and they must have human blood to survive. Tina is the first victim, and football hero Hank Green and airhead Elaine Gavin enlist the aid of her science-professor father, Dr. Gavin, to solve and capture the killer. Not working fast enough to prevent the attack on twenty teen-agers at a slumber party nor the killing of three girl motorists, Dr. Gavin finds an arm lost by one of the monsters and discovers that only sodium will destroy the monsters whose composition is mostly water. Can they gather enough salt in southern California to put an end to this horror?

This Week Is Going To Go On Forever

Here's a poem about how I feel currently...

Friday, October 15, 2010

0816: Prince of Space

MST3k, Experiment #0816

Prince of Space.

A Group of space men from the planet Krankor who resemble chickens are led by their leader, Phantom to invade Earth. But a strange superhero named Prince of Space (actually a bootblack in disguise) arrives to defeat the spacemen. Although the weapons of the aliens cannot harm the Prince of Space, the Phantom continues to fight, and many plot twists (including capturing a group of elderly scientists) ensue.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

0815: Agent For H.A.R.M.

MST3k, Experiment #0815

Agent For H.A.R.M.

Wimpy secret agent who looks like Dr. Smith from "Lost In Space" helps protect a scientist from a generic Iron Curtain country who has developed a gun that shoots boogers at people from a evil guy who looks like Pee-Wee Herman.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

0814: Riding With Death

MST3k, Experiment #0814

An unforgettable excursion into adventure. Riding With Death.

The ever-so mellow Agent Sam Casey is in a satellite explosion and the radiation turns him invisible. He gets a watch that keeps him visible, and he can use it to switch from visible to invisible. He is given two assignments - The first is to transport a chemical, Tripolydine, purported to be the most efficient fuel. After the cover is blown on that, and Casey uncovers and stops the Tripolydine fraud, he must then stop terrorist Robert Denby from blowing up race cars.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sunday, October 10, 2010

0813: Jack Frost

MST3k, Experiment #0813

Fabulous Winter-Time Wonder-Maker! Jack Frost.

Strange Russian fairy tale dealing with a boy and a girl who go through the strangest situations to be with one another. The boy is transformed by a Mushroom Pixie into a bear, and almost baked by an evil witch who controls trees. The girl is given the Cinderella treatment by her mother and her sister who is jealous of her long braided hair. Jack Frost himself doesn't appear until late in the movie.

Friday, October 08, 2010

0812: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

MST3k, Experiment #0812

She Keeps Monsters in Cages for Pets! He Preys on Wild Go-Go Girls! The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

Beatnick Jerry takes his girl, Angie to the carnival. Angie wants to go see the gypsy fortune teller, Jerry does not but relents. After visiting the fortune teller and hearing bad news, Jerry goes alone to see Carmelita, the dancer (the fortune teller's sister). He is invited backstage and is mesmerized into becoming a psychotic killer. Angie, and Jerry's best friend Harold realize something is amiss when Jerry tries to kill Angie.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

0811: Parts: The Clonus Horror

MST3k, Experiment #0811

Where science and nightmare merge. Parts: The Clonus Horror.

A young man escapes from a govenment run project called Clonus only to find out that Peter Graves a candidate for Presidency is a conspirator to keep Clonus a secret. Top government officials are aware of it and support the super secret project, because they are cloning themselves to live longer and better lives, at the expense of their clone counter-part, who is no more than a "slave" as far as human rights are concerned. The ethical and moral values are explored as the escapee known as Richard returns full circle back to Clonus, only to find his girlfriend lobotimized for government security purposes.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

0810: The Giant Spider Invasion

MST3k, Experiment #0810

Creeping!...Crawling!...Crushing! The Giant Spider Invasion.

A black hole hits North Wisconsin and opens a door to other dimensions. Giant 15 meter spiders emerge from it, who have an appetite for human flesh! Dr. Jenny Langer and Dr. Vance from the NASA try to save the world.

Nice and Easy

Here's yesterday's poem, even though I haven't written it yet. I am trying something new. I typed in a title, and now I am going to just ramble out something and hope it works. Wish me luck!

Monday, October 04, 2010

0809: I Was A Teenage Werewolf

MST3k, Experiment #0809

The most amazing motion picture of our time! I Was A Teenage Werewolf.

A troubled teenager seeks help through hypnotherapy, but his evil doctor uses him for regression experiments that transform him into a rampaging werewolf.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

0808: The She-Creature

MST3k, Experiment #0808

Hypnotized! Reincarnated as a monster from hell! The She-Creature.

Using hypnosis, Dr. Carlo Lombardi claims that he can have his patients regress and recover memories from their past lives, thereby proving that reincarnation exists. He also claims that the spirit of these past lives can be brought forth to take physical form.. A series of violent murders by a creature that seems to disappear into the sea suggests that Lombardi's claim may be correct. The medical and scientific community believe him to be a complete fraud but one enterprising businessman sees the opportunity to make a small fortune with Lombardi's ability.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

0807: Terror From The Year 5000

MST3k, Experiment #0807

From Time Unborn ... A Hideous She-Thing! Terror From The Year 5000.

Prof. Erling and his financial backer Victor build a prototype time machine to snatch objects from the past. Latest find, a statuette, radiometrically dates to 5200 AD! When this draws colleague Richard Hedges to the island lab, Erling reveals that 20th-century objects put in the machine seem to be "traded" for analogous future objects by intelligent life. And on the sly, Victor's been trying to get a living visitor. Does the future need help, or is the present in danger?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

0806: The Undead

MST3k, Experiment #0806

Terror... that screams from the grave! The Undead.

Two psychical researchers procure the services of a lady of the night and send her back in time under hypnosis. She finds herself in the body of a past existence - a woman in medieval times waiting to be beheaded as a witch. By avoiding this fate she unwittingly starts to alter history.


I am a day late on this one, but here it is... This week's poem!!! Wooo!!!

Monday, September 27, 2010

0805: The Thing That Couldn't Die

MST3k, Experiment #0805

The grave can't hold it ...nothing human can stop it! The Thing That Couldn't Die.

A psychically gifted young woman discovers a centuries-old crate buried on her aunt's ranch. Opening it, her family discovers the living head of Gideon Drew, a 16th century devil worshiper who was beheaded by Sir Francis Drake.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

0804: The Deadly Mantis

MST3k, Experiment #0804

This Was the Day That Engulfed the World in Terror! The Deadly Mantis.

The calving of an Arctic iceberg releases a giant praying mantis, trapped in suspended animation since prehistoric times. It first attacks military outposts to eat their occupants, then makes its way to the warmer latitudes of Washington and New York. A paleontologist works together with military units to try to kill it.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

0803: The Mole People

MST3k, Experiment #0803

Here is terror to shatter your nerves! The Mole People.

So it starts out with an archaeological team in the 50's that stumbles upon this underground civilization of a lost dynasty of sumerians, who have apparently failed to evolve over the past 5,000 years. The plot becomes a but fuzzy here, but pretty much only three people survive. The albinos decide to sacrifice these three survivors, but they escape. One of them dies, but the other two (Dr. Bentley and Dr. Belamin) escape by shining a flash light in the albinos and mole people's faces. Wait- who are these mole people? They are mutant humanoid mole-type creatures that are the mistreated slaves of the albinos and resemble the sand people from Star Wars. Just like the albinos, living underground has made them highly sensitive to light. Anyways, the sumerian priest believes that the flashlight is the sacred fire of their goddess, Ishtar. They come to believe that Bentley and Belamin are messengers of Ishtar. They give Bentley a slave, a beautiful woman named Adad who is shunned by the albinos because of her tan skin. Of course, she and Bentley fall in love and he says she can come with him if they ever get out.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

0802: The Leech Woman

MST3k, Experiment #0802

Forever young! Forever deadly! She lived off the life blood of male victims! The Leech Woman.

When a very old African woman offers an ambitious endocrinologist the secret of eternal youth, he decides to take his estranged and no-longer-young-and-beautiful wife along with him on the safari. But then she finds out the true reason for their sudden reconciliation is so that she can serve as his guinea pig. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially one with a stolen pineal gland tapper. But once you try Nipe, there's no going back.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Saturday, September 18, 2010

0801: Revenge of The Creature

MST3k, Experiment #0801

Weird Monster Escapes! Terror Seizes City! ...a woman's beauty the lure for his dangerous desires! Revenge of The Creature.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon is back! This time he's captured by scientists and transported to an aquarium in south Florida. Naturally, he's attracted to the lovely female scientist and manages to escape and kidnap her, heading to Jacksonville, presumably to catch a Jaguars game.

Friday, September 17, 2010

0706: Laserblast

MST3k, Experiment #0706

Billy was a kid who got pushed around... Then he found the power. Laserblast.

Alien creatures kill a mutated alien creature in the California desert. Its remains, and the high-tech laser gun and power source accidentally left behind, are found by an ostracized teenager. However, the power source causes the teenager to mutate too, and he goes on a murderous rampage.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

0705: Escape 2000

MST3k, Experiment #0705

The first to die were the lucky ones. Escape 2000.

A vicious corporation tries to kill and starve the last remaining habitants of the Bronx in order to build their own high-rise developments. A lone long-haired hot-tempered warrior, Trash, is the only obstacle well, him, a psychopathic bomb-maker and his equally psychopathic pre-school son, an annoying activist help him out, by kidnapping "the President" (of the corporation), a Richard Dreyfuss look-a-like.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

0704: The Incredible Melting Man

MST3k, Experiment #0704

The first new horror creature. The Incredible Melting Man.

"You've never seen anything til you've seen the Sun through the rings of Saturn," exclaims Alex Rebar. Apparently, somehow this causes him to start melting and eating people, such as a nurse in the tightest fitting nurse's outfit ever, a nerdy fisherman, a horny old couple who simply can't keep their hands off each other in a car. To save the day comes Doctor Ted Nelson!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Friday, September 10, 2010

0703: Deathstalker and The Warriors From Hell

MST3k, Experiment #0703

Slaying His Rivals Isn't The Problem. Keeping Them Dead Is! Deathstalker and The Warriors From Hell.

The third thrilling saga of Deathstalker pits him against the evil wizard and ruler of the Southland, Troxartes, and his band of undead warriors. Dashing Deathstalker is entrusted by the beautiful Princess Carissa to protect an enchanted Jewel one of three which together hold the key to the lost city of treasure, Erendor. The missing pair of gems are stashed all too safely in the heavily guarded castle of the wicked Troxartes. His mission clear, Deathstalker rouses his troops and storms the fortress with the power of lightning. And in this fateful battle, one man will survive to witness the magical secrets of Erendor.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

0702: The Brute Man

MST3k, Experiment #0702

The Chicken of Tomorrow. We learn what is being done today to create the Chicken of Tomorrow. With a side mention of just how gosh darn important gas stations and oil are to the poultry industry.

No woman was safe from his crushing arms... The Brute Man.

Hal Moffat who is taking wholesale revenge by murdering those he holds responsible for his predicament, is befriended by Helen Paige, a blind piano teacher, and he develops a warmth for her that leads him to add thievery and robbery - no big deal, he is out there anyway - to his murders so that she can be provided with the money for an operation.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

0701: The Night of The Blood Beast

MST3k, Experiment #0701

Once Upon A Honeymoon. A songwriter's wife, frustrated about not having sex with her husband for a year after marriage, fantasizes about new home decor with matching colored phones, with the help of a fey bespectacled angel.

No girl was safe as long as this head-hunting thing roamed the land! The Night of The Blood Beast.

An astronaut returns from space dead. The base that recovered him is then cut off from the outside world by an alien. The revival of the dead astronaut, the death of a scientist, and the discovery of alien embryos inside the resurrected astronaut's body bodes ill for the survival of those trapped at the base and the rest of humanity.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

MOV: This Island Earth

MST3k, Experiment #MOV

The supreme excitement of our time! This Island Earth.

Dr. Meacham is chosen along with others by the inhabitants of the planet Metaluna to do research that will help save their dying planet. However, an evil scheme is uncovered by the suspecting Dr. Meacham when he discovers the Metalunan's plan to take over Earth. Dr. Meacham then escapes an exploding Metalunan built Earth lab along with Dr. Adams only to be kidnapped while flying away in a small plane. A flying saucer wisks both the scientists off to Metaluna where they are held accountable for blowing up the Metalunan Earth lab during their escape. They later escape there with the help of Exeter the friendly Metalunan. Metaluna then self destructs and the Doctors make it safely back to Earth, which is saved from Metalunan invasion.

Labour Day

Here's a poem I wrote about my misfortune in finding lunch today.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

0624: Samson Vs. The Vampire Women

MST3k, Experiment #0624

Solo un hombre de agilidad de pantera, es capaz de luchar contra las MUJERES VAMPIRO...y ese hombre es...SANTO! Samson Vs. The Vampire Women.

The vampire women in Mexico have awakened from their sleep, commanded by their master, The Evil One, to find him a bride. They choose as their target the beautiful daughter of a local professor. To rescue his daughter, the professor calls El Santo (Samson in some US versions), a silver-masked wrestler for justice.

Friday, September 03, 2010

0623: The Amazing Transparent Man

MST3k, Experiment #0623

The Days of Our Years. Another Union Pacific short, this time a preacher talking about avoiding work accidents and providing three examples to ram home his message like a blowtorch to the eyeballs. As Mike points out, the main causes of workplace accidents are, apparently, joy, sex, and old age.

The Most Amazing Picture Of The Year! He's Invisible! He's Deadly! The Amazing Transparent Man.

Paul Krenner, an ex-major with delusions of grandeur, has forced scientist Peter Ulof to develop a radiation-based technique to turn men invisible, with which process he plans to create an invisible army to sell to the highest bidder. He busts safecracker Joey Faust out of prison and forces him to undergo the invisibility treatment so he can steal more radium to further the experimentation. Plans go awry when Faust discovers there is a side-effect to the invisibility treatments he didn't count on.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

0622: Angels Revenge

MST3k, Experiment #0622

Seven super sexy girls take on the bad guys in an explosion of wild action, crazy stunts, and loads of laughs! Angels Revenge.

Meet six women and a teenage girl who never expected to risk their lives fighting for justice. A schoolteacher had seen one too many kids succumb to drugs. A Las Vegas entertainer learned her brother had been beaten by a drug pusher. A martial arts teacher knew how insidious drugs were among children. A top model knew that drugs were destroying her life. A stunt driver was in shock when her brother overdosed - on drugs! Add a nosy schoolgirl and a policewoman with a perm, and you've got the Angels Brigade. These women (and the girl, too) are sexy, smart - and dangerous! Just ask the right-wing militia these ladies have destroyed. But the evil fat cats pushing drugs to kids? Not even they are a match for these vengeful vixens. They just say POW! to drug pushers.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

0621: The Beast of Yucca Flats

MST3k, Experiment #0621

Money Talks! Having trouble saving money, a kid gets advice from Ben Franklin himself. Progress Island, U.S.A. Modern Puerto Rico has a lot to offer.

Commies made him an atomic mutant! The Beast of Yucca Flats.

A clock ticks. A beautiful girl. A hidden killer. The clock stops. There is no connection.

The vast desert. A plane lands. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist. Joseph Javorski, who looks like he could eat whole pigs, has the fate of the world in his briefcase. The Kremlin's best make him a target. The wheels of progress grind on.

A chase. Bullets. Murder. Flag on the did it get there? A bomb. More progress. Touch a button, something happens. A scientist becomes a beast.

Figures in a landscape. Who knows how long we really have? Joe and Jim, desert patrolmen. They guard freedom and democracy 24/7 in this landscape. A beast is on the loose. Joseph Javorski, once a noted scientist, now...nothing.

There is no progress in the desert. Yet its effects are everywhere. Man's progress. Quench the killer's thirst. A family stops for a rest. The beast appears. A terrible mistake. Policemen with quick guns and the minds of swine. An innocent man dies. Who cares? Two boys feed soda pop to thirsty pigs. It's progress, you know.

Confrontation. A fight that is not a fight. A gun with no bullets fires. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist, becomes rabbit food. The wheels of progress grind on. End.

I Have No Internet

Attempt number two, as the first poem about my internet connection dropping off got lost due to the internet connection dropping off. Irony.

Monday, August 30, 2010

0620: Danger!! Death Ray

MST3k, Experiment #0620

Danger!! Death Ray.

A gang of European terrorists infiltrates a secret NATO meeting where they steal a Death Ray that was constructed for “peaceful purposes.” They also kidnap the Death Ray’s inventor. Superspy Bart Fargo is assigned to rescue the inventor and prevent the terrorists from using the ray. Bart wanders around several vaguely European cities, sleeps with and promptly dumps several women in true secret-agent style, and manages (more from luck than skill) to thwart the villains.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

0619: Red Zone Cuba

MST3k, Experiment #0619

Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance. Through liberal use of the knee test, looking good and standing tall, the secrets of public speaking are revealed.

Make the Mistake! Red Zone Cuba.

A trio of convicts joins up for an assault on a Cuban stronghold. After they are captured, they plan to escape before they face the firing squad. They eventually make it back to the American Southwest, where they go from town to town, robbing and killing.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

0618: High School Big Shot

MST3k, Experiment #0618

Out of This World. A tale of the never ending battle between good and evil, heaven and hell, as the battle moves to Earth for ultimate domination of bread delivery truck drivers.

The kid who showed the big time how! High School Big Shot.

Marv needs money. His unemployed dad is so poor that he makes Marv give up half his last six bucks so they can both go on three-dollar dates; he's just lost his scholarship after getting caught writing a term paper for Betty, the prettiest (and only) girl in his class; and Betty herself has told him he doesn't stand a chance with her unless he can give her what she wants most: money, money, money. But Marv has mob ties and Marv knows where to find a million dollars cash...

0617: The Sword and The Dragon

MST3k, Experiment #0617

A cast of 106,000! 11,000 horses! The Sword and The Dragon.

Ilya is a cripple without the use of his legs. When he aids some weary travellers, they surprise him by giving him a potion that restores his legs. He immediately becomes powerful and sets off to prove himself to his King. Doing so, he fights the evil Tugars, a wind demon that looks like a cross between a goblin and The Noid, a zeppelin-like ambassador, and the evil Tugars. Ilya gets framed for a crime he didn't commit, then is freed, then finally dispatches the Tugars and their dragon.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Do I Look Awake?

Here's a fantastic poem I wrote just a minute ago. I really enjoy the dialogue-driven ones... They make me chuckle.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

0616: Racket Girls

MST3k, Experiment #0616

Are You Ready For Marriage? Another 1950's social hygiene short. In this one, a high school senior named Sue and her boyfriend want to get married right after Sue graduates. A marriage counselor discourages the young couple from entering into a hasty marriage.

Battling Beauties! Action Packed! Racket Girls.

Scalli is a gangster who manages women wrestlers as a front for his bookmaking, drug, and prostitution rackets. He trusts the wrong people and ends up trying to run away from both the police and mysterious mob boss Mr. Big, to whom he owes $35,000. This film features real-life wrestlers Peaches Page, Clara Mortensen (world champion wrestler), and Rita Martinez (champion of Mexico).

Thursday, August 19, 2010

0615: Kitten With A Whip

MST3k, Experiment #0615

She's all out for kicks... and every inch of her spells excitement! Kitten With A Whip.

Jody, a juvenile delinquent, escapes from reform school by stabbing a matron and attempting to burn down the building and then takes refuge in a house owned by an ambitious politician David Patton. Despite the hellcat's ample charms, the would-be officeholder wants nothing to do with her and tries to drive her away. She responds by shortly returning to his house accompanied by a gang of delinquent pals and taking him hostage. A sudden act of violence causes more trouble, leading Jody and her gang to hijack David and force him to drive a getaway car to Mexico.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

0614: San Francisco International

MST3k, Experiment #0614

Jet Packed Drama at a Giant Air Terminal! San Francisco International.

Pilot for the TV series, stars Pernell Roberts as Jim Conred, who runs an airport, much to the chagrin of his boss, "his way." In this, two plots run - a kid whose parents are splitting up decides to take off in a little red prop plane (and Conrad talks him down), and thieves played by the handsome Tab Hunter and his truly ugly sidekicks try to steal a money shipment. Roberts was replaced by Lloyd Bridges when the show went to series.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

0613: The Sinister Urge

MST3k, Experiment #0613

Keeping Neat and Clean. A typical 1950's social education short for children on how to remain clean and neat, how to dress, and how to use strange shoeboxes.

Branded for Torture... A SMUT PICTURE! The Sinister Urge.

Someone is killing young women in the park. Police suspect it's related to the smut picture racket, and begin leaning on Gloria Henderson, a smut front woman for the "mob." Her right arm man continues to procure young women with stars in their eyes to submit to their heinous celluloid activities, and if the women try blackmail, they call in a specialist to take care of the problem.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sunday, August 15, 2010

0612: The Starfighters

MST3k, Experiment #0612

The blazing adventure of the men and planes who rocket to the very edge of outer space! The Starfighters.

The story of young Lt. Witkowski, an Air Force F-104 Starfighter pilot, and his attempts to prove himself a worthy pilot to his father, a congressman and Air Force war hero. Aerial refueling is prominently featured in this tale of the peacetime Air Force.

Friday, August 13, 2010

0611: Last of The Wild Horses

MST3k, Experiment #0611

WILD FURY... WIDE OPEN THRILLS! Last of The Wild Horses.

A man must clear himself of a murder he did not commit. Also, horse thieves.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

0610: The Violent Years

MST3k, Experiment #0610

Young Man's Fancy. A story sponsored by the Edison Electric Institute that encourages increased consumption of electricity by using an ever-increasing number of home appliances. Teenage Judy is less than excited about her brother’s visit from college. Until she sees that her brother is accompanied by his ultra handsome roommate, Alexander Phipps. Judy is wildly attracted to Alex - he makes her feel “squishy!” But Alex seems only interested in engineering and time study. So Judy prepares dinner all by herself, using lots of modern household applicances and electricity, to impress the guy.

Teenage Killers Taking Their Thrills Unashamed! The Violent Years.

A newspaper publisher's daughter suffers from neglect by her parents. She and her friends turn to crime by dressing up like men, holding up gas stations, raping young men at gunpoint, and having makeout parties when her parents are away. Their "fence" gets them to trash the school on request of sinister un-American clients, and they run afoul of the law, apple pie, and God himself.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

0609: The Skydivers

MST3k, Experiment #0609

Why Study The Industrial Arts? Joe and the Coach double-team to explain to a high-school student disparaging shop class the many and varied uses for Industrial Arts in all aspects of modern life.

Thrill jumping guys... thrill seeking gals... daring death with every leap! The Skydivers.

A couple own an airfield which makes its money on skydiving in the middle of New Mexico. They are having marital problems because the man is cheating on his wife, but remains she tries to remain true to him. The woman he is cheating with is jealous of the man's wife, so she seduces another guy to conspire with her to kill him. Meanwhile, the wife is cheating on the cheating husband with the husband's old Army buddy... and they all enjoy coffee all the while.

Monday, August 09, 2010

I'm Sorry, Twitter

Every week I find myself trying to think of what to write next... Sometimes, I find myself wanting to continue a thought I had previously touched on. This week is definitely one of those times. In addition to last week's poem, here's another one about Twitter:

Sunday, August 08, 2010

0608: Code Name: Diamond Head

MST3k, Experiment #0608

A Day At The Fair. A farming family prepares for their yearly trip to the Indiana State Fair, both to show off their wares and suckle from the teat of the 3-H Club.

Code Name: Diamond Head.

A failed Quinn Martin pilot for a series starring a Hawaii-based government counter intelligence agency run by the indomitable Aunt Mary. In this, his only adventure, Diamond Head has to prevent the evil Tree from stealing a deadly nerve toxin gas and selling it to foreign powers. To help Diamond Head is the Dragon Lady and Zulu.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

0607: Bloodlust!

MST3k, Experiment #0607

Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm. City kids George and Betty spend the summer on their Uncle Jim's farm, learning of all the wonder and splendor that dairy farming entails.

Two beautiful young girls...Defenseless against the deadly ancient crossbow! Bloodlust!

A group of teen-agers vacationing in the tropics take a boat out to a seemingly deserted island. They soon find, however, that the island is inhabited by a wealthy recluse and his staff. While their host is initially hospitable, he quickly reveals his true purpose: to hunt down and kill each of his visitors, as he has done with everyone unlucky enough to set foot on his island.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

0606: The Creeping Terror

MST3k, Experiment #0606

The Creeping Terror.

A creature that looks like a cross between a Chinese dragon puppet and the Pope sucks up people into its maw. A sheriff, his wife, and a "handsome" scientist battle it to the end, with a sub plot about the evils of bachelorhood.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

0605: Colossus and The Headhunters

MST3k, Experiment #0605

In a Time of Titans Colussus Towered Above All!!! Colossus and The Headhunters.

Maciste rescues Ario, the son King Sandor, and his people from their land in a volcanic island that blows-up and they sail to the Land and Urias in a long and dangerous voyage. They are captured by the Urias but when the Queen Amoha meets Maciste, she tells that the traitor Kermis has joined the tribe of Head Hunters and slaughtered her people, but the warrior Taro has saved them from the annihilation; however, her father King Olibauna was missing in action. She asks Maciste to help her against the Head Hunters, but Maciste tells that he is protecting the tribe of Ario. When the Urias are attacked by the Head Hunters, Maciste decides to help Queen Amoha.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Damn You Twitter

I think the title is self-explanatory. A little love poem to Twitter.

Also, follow me.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

0604: Zombie Nightmare

MST3k, Experiment #0604

The Wasted Ain't Wasted. Zombie Nightmare.

Tony Washington is killed by a gang of rampant trendy teenagers. Molly Mokembe is a voodoo lady who brings him back from the dead to seek revenge on his killers so he can rest in peace.

Friday, July 30, 2010

0603: The Dead Talk Back

MST3k, Experiment #0603

The Selling Wizard. A boring promotional film for grocery-store freezer cases, brought to you by Anheuser-Busch.

The Dead Talk Back.

Eccentric scientist/metaphysician Henry Krasker is asked to assist in solving the murder of one of his housemates by attempting to contact her spirit beyond the grave.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

0602: Invasion USA

MST3k, Experiment #0602

A Date With Your Family. The short covers the basics for how to ensure you and your family have a pleasant and formal 1950's style family dinner. In other words, how to best repress your emotions and ensure a hollow and lifeless social interaction.

It will scare the pants off you! Invasion USA.

Five people are sitting in a New York bar with a mysterious Mr. Ohman, when they hear the news that the godless Communists are invading the good ol' U.S. of A. The five rush off to various sections of the country to do their part to stop the invasion, when an A-bomb crashes down upon Manhattan.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

0601: Girls Town

MST3k, Experiment #0601

Last Stop On The Road To Nowhere! Girls Town.

Chip is killed accidentally while trying to rape a blonde girl, who runs. Silver becomes the number one suspect even though she has an alibi, but due to previous brushes with the law she's sent to Girls Town, a home for young women in trouble with the law which is run by nuns. Silver is rebellious and causes trouble at the school, and her friend Sarafina totters near the brink of self-destruction because of an infatuation with a young singer. Meanwhile Chip's father hires a detective to find out the truth, and Chip's friend Fred gets Silver's sister in trouble at a drag race. Silver has a lot of problems all right.

Monday, July 26, 2010


Here's a nice little poem bout my imaginary trip to San Diego.

San Diego Comic Con 2010

Alright, as many of you may (or may not) already know, I spent the past few days live-tweeting the HELL out of the 2010 San Diego Comic Con.  As most of you are already aware... I did not actually attend the 2010 San Diego Comic Con.  Yet, I almost continually insisted I was there, all while posting all the fun, exciting and sometimes outlandish things I saw and did there.

Here is the entire non-event, through my rather over-active imagination.  Enjoy!!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

0524: 12 To The Moon

MST3k, Experiment #0524

Design For Dreaming. In this musical short, a woman dreams of a mysterious masked man who takes her to see the future... as represented by the 1956 General Motors Motorama.

Land on the moon with the first intrepid astronauts! 12 To The Moon.

An international team embarks on an expedition to the moon in an uncommonly spacious rocketship. There they encounter a faceless alien intelligence who conclude that the human race is too immature and dangerous and must be destroyed.

Friday, July 23, 2010

0523: Village of The Giants

MST3k, Experiment #0523

See them burst out of their clothes and bust up a town! Village of The Giants.

A young kid named Genius accidentally invents a substance that causes all animal life to grow. Genius' sister Nancy and her boyfriend Mike see the money making potential in the substance dubbed goo and plan to sell it to help solve the world's food problem. Unfortunately, a greedy young opportunist named Fred and the group of delinquents he hangs around with decide to steal the goo and use it for their own purposes. They soon change their minds and decide to eat the goo themselves and grow to gigantic proportions and decide to take over the town. They then kidnap the sheriff's daughter and later Nancy as insurance to make sure that they get what they want. It is now up to Genius and Mike to either come up with more goo to enable Mike and his friends to grow and take on Fred and his gang or to find an antidote to shrink Fred and his gang back down to size.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

0522: Teen-Age Crime Wave

MST3k, Experiment #0522

The screen-scorching story of today's immoral youth! Teen-Age Crime Wave.

17-year-old Jane Koberly is at the scene of a hold-up committed by Terry Marsh, Mike Denton and Al. Mike and Al escape. Although innocent, Jane is convicted of the robbery, and she and Trry are sentenced to a juvenile correction home. A guard and a matron are assigned to drive the girls to the home, but they are intercepted by Mike who kills the guard. Janes is forced to accompany the criminals as they escape and then wreck their car. They take refuge at the farm house of Thomas and Sarah Grant and their son, Ben. The police make a house-to-house search, but Grant, fearing his family's safety, reveals nothing. Al, driving to the rescue of the fugitives, is shot and killed. Mike and Terry force Jane and Ben into a car and head for the highway. With the police in pursuit, they are forced to abandon the car near an observatory.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

0521: Santa Claus

MST3k, Experiment #0521

At Last a Movie That's All About Him! Santa Claus.

Santa Claus, high above the North Pole in his cloud-borne castle equipped with more surveillance devices than the Impossible Mission Force, prepares to deliver presents on Christmas night. Santa is especially interested in helping Lupita, the daughter of a poor family who wants nothing more than a doll; and a young boy whose parents are so wealthy they never spend any time with him. However, the Devil will have none of this and sends his minion, Pitch, to foil Santa's plans. Pitch in turn recruits three Naughty Boys to help him set traps for Santa.

Monday, July 19, 2010

What To Write...

Here's the poem for the week. Yet another about my general lack of anything to say. Enjoy!

0520: Radar Secret Service

MST3k, Experiment #0520

Last Clear Chance. Friendly Patrolman Hal Jackson visits the Dixon family to instruct their youngest son, Alan, in the art of safe and courteous driving. He relates many grisly tales of various young drivers, his main advice being to pay attention, but Alan's older brother Frank Jr. isn't listening, and drives with his girlfriend Betty into the path of an oncoming train while turning around and waving at the car behind him.

Radar Secret Service.

In post-WWII America,Radar has been developed to such an extent that law enforcement agencies, seated in their headquarters, can twist a few dials and bring in, on a small television screen, a crisp picture of a roving stock-footage truck carrying uranium material, highly coveted by foreign powers in order to make atomic bombs and blow up the U.S.A. This advanced version of Radar can follow the car occupied by the crooks out to hijack the truck, and also the police car pursuing them after they hijack the truck. But, alas, this can only be done when the atomic material is in motion, and has little value when the crooks park the truck. So the lawmen have to send in a female mole posing as a moll.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

0519: Outlaw

MST3k, Experiment #0519


It's about a beefy blonde and his oily friend Watney. They are teleported by a rose quartz because The Elder (he has no name, Just "The Elder") thinks that Xeno, the Priest by a clearly drunk Jack Palance, has eyes for the throne. Of course, Cabot cares nothing for such intrigue just for the Princess he had "ooh-la-la" with from the previous film "Gor". The Elder is off, though. It's the Queen who wants the throne for her own. Naturally, Watney is seduced by the Queen to implicate Cabot murdering the King, and Cabot and his platinum blonde midget friend escape off into the desert, where they free a slave girl and are just as quickly captured by a bounty hunter. The Princess is forced, meanwhile, by the Queen to fight The Leather Women.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

0518: The Atomic Brain

MST3k, Experiment #0518

What About Juvenile Delinquency? A band of no-good punks beat a guy for driving too slow and steal his mechanical pencil, before arriving to pick up their missing member Jamie, the son of the man they've just beaten. Twist!

Chained... to the devil's love lab! The Atomic Brain.

Mrs. March, sadistic, selfish, and rich, uses her aging gigolo boyfriend and renegade scientist Otto Frank, whose illegal experiments she is subsidizing in her Gothic mansion, in a plan to transplant her brain into the body of a young woman. Three foreign domestics: Mexican Anita, British Bea, and Austrian Nina, are hired. Frank's mysterious and unexplained use of radiation can inexplicably transplant brains without surgery. After he puts a cat's brain into Anita and she literally scratches out Bea's eye, Nina becomes the prospective receptacle for Mrs. March's aging but still active libido.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

0517: Beginning of The End

MST3k, Experiment #0517

The screen's first full-length science-fiction thriller with real live creatures! Beginning of The End.

Reporter Audrey Ames is driving along a highway in Illinois when she is stopped by the military. She then finds out that a small town was destroyed and everyone has seemingly disappeared. She then goes to a lab run by the Department of Agriculture. While she is there she meets the lab's director, Dr. Ed Wainwright. Ed then tells her that strange things have been happening ever since he discovered that a bunch of grasshoppers managed to get into a silo containing a batch of radioactive wheat. They soon discover that the grasshoppers have grown to monstrous proportions and not only are devouring the local vegetation, but have developed a taste for human flesh as well. Now the locusts are marching towards Chicago and the military is threatening to destroy the city with the atom bomb. Can another solution to stop the monsters be found before it is too late?

Monday, July 12, 2010


Well, over the past week, I've gained myself a girlfriend. As incredible that is in and of itself, it's nothing close to how incredible she is. She's an absolute wonder.

That being said, I am going to have to make sure my poems don't get all mushy, unless I just can't help it!! I guess historically, most of my sappy romantic poems were based more on depression, loss, and just general hopelessness. I've always said that I can't write poetry when I'm happy. I tried once to write a happy love poem. It didn't work too well.

Which is why I have gone more recently to a "cynical observation" style... It's easier to just write if I am not really writing about feelings. But sometimes I just can't help it, so I'm sure a few will seep in every so often. I apologise in advance.

0516: Alien From L.A.

MST3k, Experiment #0516

The people at the center of the earth are about to get a visitor. Alien From L.A.

Wanda is a shy plain girl with a very boring life. When her father, an archaeologist, disappears on an expedition, she flies out to look for him. She ends up in an underground world, where no one believes in a surface world. Except for the secret police, who think she and her fathers are spies.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

0515: The Wild Wild World of Batwoman

MST3k, Experiment #0515

Cheating. A young boy learns an important leason: when cheating your way to the top, make sure that you're not caught.

Super-heroine battles diabolical evil to save the world! The Wild Wild World of Batwoman.

In this zero budget cheapie a busty Batwoman enlists her beauteous bevy of Batgirls (when they are not dancing the jerk) to help her regain a mad scientist's invention (an atom bomb made out of a hearing aid) before a costumed ne'er-do-well, Rat Fink, can glom onto it for his own purposes.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

0514: Teen-Age Strangler

MST3k, Experiment #0514

Is This Love? A girl goes against the old-fashioned love of her parents (and very old looking roommate), abandons her parents, and runs away with a new hookup. The short ends asking whether their love will last long or not (It won't)

A embrace...then defilement and death! Teen-Age Strangler.

A troubled teen with an undeserved criminal past is the suspect when young women start turning up around town dead and marked up with lipstick.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

0513: The Brain That Wouldn't Die

MST3k, Experiment #0513

Alive... without a body... fed by an unspeakable horror from hell! The Brain That Wouldn't Die.

Brilliant but borderline psychotic surgeon does secretive, experimental work with limb transplants and tissue rejection drugs, much to the chagrin of his surgeon-father. When he crashes his car and his fiancee is decapitated, his research - far from complete - is put to the test. His focus then becomes finding an appropriate donor body to make his fiancee whole, while the current and failed experiments in his basement laboratory grow restless.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Three-Day Weekends

And because of the holiday weekend, I wrote a poem about just that. As always, pretty self-explanatory.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

0512: Mitchell

MST3k, Experiment #0512

Brute force with a badge. Mitchell.

Joe Don Baker is Mitchell- a hard-nosed, soft-bellied cop with an affinity for porn and Schlitz. His latest assignment has him engaging in no-speed car chases, yelling at children, shooting innocents and sloppily carousing Linda Evans.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

0511: Gunslinger

MST3k, Experiment #0511

Hired to kill the woman he loved! Gunslinger.

Oracle, Texas Marshal Scott Hood is murdered and his wife, Rose, takes his badge and sets out on a personal vendetta to find the killers. She'll have the badge two weeks, then the new marshal arrives to take over. Meanwhile, the unscrupulous Erica Page, the saloon-mistress, is busy buying up local property because she has a tip the railroad is going to make Oracle a depot stop. The cowardly mayor warns her that the railroad may not come to Oracle, but Erica already had that base covered, as after she makes payment on the land, she has her moronic henchman, Jake Hayes, murder the seller, take back the money, return it to her so she can buy some more land. Erica is a businesswoman who believes in a fast return on investment. But, in order to get away cleanly, if the railroad does not come through, she sends Jake out-of-state to Tombstone to hire a gunslinger to come kill Rose. He brings back a hired gun who falls in love with his intended target.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

0510: The Painted Hills

MST3k, Experiment #0510

Body Care and Grooming. Who'd have thought that college students might smell bad and require a short explaining why bathing and good personal hygiene are things to consider.

The Painted Hills.

A Lassie movie. After years of prospecting, Jonathan finally strikes gold. He returns to town only to discover that his partner has since died and left Tommy fatherless. He decides to leave Shep (played by Lassie) with Tommy to cheer him up. Meanwhile, Jonathan's new partner, Lin, isn't interested in sharing the gold, and lures Jonathan to his death. Lassie immediately deduces what's happened, so Lin poisons Lassie. Lassie barely pulls through and pursues Lin to a climactic confrontation where, due to an off-screen accident with some liquid nitrogen, Lin's gun jams.

0509: The Girl In Lovers Lane

MST3k, Experiment #0509

Too Young to Know... Too Reckless to Care... The Girl In Lovers Lane.

Danny, son of a wealthy family, is running away from home. He meets Bix, a long-time drifter, who agrees to "mentor" Danny. Danny's naivete leads him to commit gaffe after gaffe, leaving Bix to straighten things out. But when they stop in a diner in the next town, Bix finds himself attracted to the waitress, Carrie, and is forced to reexamine his whole drifting career. Meanwhile, Jesse goes around creeping everyone out.

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Cure To End All Cures

More poetry-on-the-fly. Whatever, I like doing that... no matter how cheap it seems.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

0508: Operation Double 007

MST3k, Experiment #0508

Such close friends... such beautiful enemies... Operation Double 007.

The evil crime syndicate Thanatos is bent on taking over the world, using a magnetic wave generator that will cause all metal-based machinery to grind to a halt. However, the well-known British secret agent normally assigned to such tasks isn't available, so they engage his civilian brother, Neil, to help. Neil, played by Neil Connery, is a world-class plastic surgeon, hypnotist, and lip-reader, which turn out to be precisely the skills required for thwarting Thanatos.

0507: I Accuse My Parents

MST3k, Experiment #0507

The Truck Farmer. Truck Farmer, the second edition, reveals the as yet untold story of the advances modern age that allows vegetable farming to supply the needs of the American public all year round. It does gloss over the somewhat minor role crop-picking migrant workers in Florida, Texas, and California play in this process...

I Accuse My Parents.

Ignored by his alcoholic parents, Jimmy Wilson starts hanging around with some shady characters. After falling in love with a lounge singer, Jimmy tries to impress her by doing jobs for her shady boss. After one of these jobs goes bad, Jimmy ends up on the run. Eventually, he must confront the truth, his past, and his parents.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

0506: Eegah!

MST3k, Experiment #0506

The Crazed Love of a Prehistoric Giant for a Ravishing Teenage Girl! Eegah!

While driving through the desert, a teenage girl is frightened by a seven-foot giant which appears in her path. After escaping, she returns to the site with her boyfriend and her father in an attempt to find the giant. They do, and it proceeds to terrorize them and the rest of Palm Springs, California.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

0505: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad

MST3k, Experiment #0505

Spectacular Scenes From The Greatest Adventure Story Ever Produced! The Magic Voyage of Sinbad.

An oddly Russian Sinbad seeks to bring happiness to his people - first by trying to give money and goods to the poor, then by seeking out the Blue Bird of Happiness.

Monday, June 21, 2010


Here's a little poem I whipped up when I realised today was Monday and I had nothing to post. It's not the best, but meh... whatever. That's not the point, is it?!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

0504: Secret Agent Super Dragon

MST3k, Experiment #0504

Blondes, brunettes, redheads, murderers, smugglers, or master criminals -- his fire could take them all. Secret Agent Super Dragon.

When an old colleague is killed, Secret Agent Super-Dragon comes out of retirement to investigate a case of poisoned chewing gum that leads inexplicably to an international crime syndicate planning to take over the world with psychotropic drugs smuggled in phony Ming vases.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

0503: Swamp Diamonds

MST3k, Experiment #0503

What To Do On A Date. Jeff wants to take Kay out on a date, but isn't sure what they'd do. The short offers ideas like taffy pulls and scavenger sales. Nothing says romantic quite like a scavenger sale. Ultimately, all the kids have a wholesomely-celibate-vanilla-white-Eisenhower’s-America good time.

Scarlet Women Out to Get Every Thrill They Could Steal! Swamp Diamonds.

A plucky police woman infiltrates a group of hardened female criminals who are planning to break jail and retrieve their loot of diamonds from its swampy hiding place. Complications arise when the women abduct Connors and begin fighting each other.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

0502: Hercules

MST3k, Experiment #0502

The mighty saga of the world's mightiest man! Hercules.

In this melange of characters and events from separate mythological stories, Hercules, demigod and superman, arrives in the ancient Greek kingdom of Iolcus to tutor Iphitus, son of king Pelias; immediately on arrival, he falls in love with the king's delectable, briefly clad daughter Iole. Before he can win her, he must succeed in a series of quests, in the course of which he teams up with Jason, true heir of Iolcus, whom he accompanies on the famous voyage of the Argonauts.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

0501: Warrior of The Lost World

MST3k, Experiment #0501

Now into a time of conflict and rebellion comes... Warrior of The Lost World.

The warrior is traveling through a post-apocalyptic world on his technically advanced motorcycle and his loyal computer Einstein. Being pure in spirit, he manages to pass through the wall of illusion and meets the resistance movement The Elders, fighting the tyranny of the evil despot Prossor. The resistance asks him to free professor McWayne, their leader, who has been sentenced to death by Prossor. The beautiful Nastasia and the warrior infiltrate the city, guarded by the Omega militia, where the professor is imprisoned.

Monday, June 14, 2010

But The Stench Is Killing Me

Here's a glorious poem I wrote for absolutely no reason except to just write. I actually kinda like this one, and I really don't know why.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

0424: Manos: The Hands of Fate

MST3k, Experiment #0424

Hired! Part 2. Fat doughy managing salesman is inspired by his creepy father on how to motivate and instruct his young, clueless car salesman on how to close. It is considerably less intense than Glengarry Glen Ross, but still unnerving.

It's Shocking! It's Beyond Your Imagination! Manos: The Hands of Fate.

A family driving through a small town gets lost and winds up at a backwoods shack managed by Torgo, who takes care of it while The Master is away. The Master worships Manos, an evil deity, and he also wears a neat cape. When Torgo lets the family stay, The Master awakens and does mean stuff like burning off Torgo's hand and sicking his dog on the family pet. Meanwhile, The Master's wives wrestle for his favor.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

0423: Bride of The Monster

MST3k, Experiment #0423

Hired! Part 1. A Chevrolet sales manager is having poor results with his staff, so he gets some advice from his father.

It'll make your skin crawl! Bride of The Monster.

Dr. Varnoff captures twelve men for his experiment: to turn them into supermen using atomic energy. Newspaperwoman Lawton gets too snoopy for her own good.

0422: The Day The Earth Froze

MST3k, Experiment #0422

Here Comes The Circus. Watch and enjoy a wide variety of circus acts - if you dare!

The Most Chilling Terror Ever Experienced.  The Day The Earth Froze.

Based on Finnish mythology, this movie traces the exploits of Lemminkainen as he woos the fair Annikki and battles the evil witch Louhi. Louhi kidnaps Annikki to compel her father to build for her a Sampo, a magical device that creates salt, grain, and gold. When Lemminkainen tries (and fails) to recover the Sampo, Louhi steals the sun, plunging the world into frozen darkness.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

0421: Monster A-Go-Go

MST3k, Experiment #0421

Circus On Ice. If you enjoy seeing women in striped suits on leashes, if you think gunshots are exactly what the ice shows of today are missing, well this short is for you. Not since It Conquered the World has a wintertime short been this creepy.

The picture that comes complete with a 10-foot-tall monster to give you the wim-wams! Monster A-Go-Go.

An astronaut comes back to Earth and crashes in a field, incredibly irradiated and wreaking havoc. Just as they have him cornered, he disappears, and the "real" astronaut is found 7,500 miles away in the Pacific Ocean, "alive, well, and of normal size."

Monday, June 07, 2010

Saturday, June 05, 2010

0420: The Human Duplicators

MST3k, Experiment #0420

Made to Kill or Love on Command! The Human Duplicators.

An alien is dispatched from a faraway galaxy to take over the Earth by "duplicating" humans and creating a race of zombies resembling animated pottery in this low-budget sci-fi film. Enjoy the opening and closing shots of the alien spacecraft resembling a Christmas tree bauble dancing in space, the faces of the "duplicated" humans shattering like a cheap vase when thrown to the floor, and the formative "duplicates" as they are cooked up in the lab in individual coffins. The alien's heart is softened by the persevering goodness of a beautiful blind woman, deeply conflicting his motives as the film plods to its "climactic" confrontation between the humans and their counterfeit duplicates.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

0419: The Rebel Set

MST3k, Experiment #0419

Johnny At The Fair. At the 1947 Canadian National Exhibition, a young boy ditches his parents and sets off for adventure, meeting some celebrities along the way, including world heavyweight boxing champion Joe Louis, Canadian figure skater Barbara Ann Scott (who won the gold medal in the 1948 Olympics), comedians Ole Olsen & “Chick” Johnson, and former Canadian prime minister McKenzie King. This short was narrated by Lorne Greene.

The Free-Living World of the Over-Teens! The Rebel Set.

A coffeehouse proprietor recruits three losers: a struggling actor, an unknown writer, and the ne’er-do-well son of a once-famous movie star. His plan: to carry out a million-dollar armored car heist during a four-hour train layover in Chicago.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

0418: Attack of The Eye Creatures

MST3k, Experiment #0418

Attack of The Eye Creatures.

A saucer landing is expected (and highly classified) by top people in military. The local army base is instructed to keep watch for activity in the sky, but instead they use an infrared scope to watch local teens make out. The saucer lands. Meanwhile, the two main characters are trying to elope. Keeping headlights off to avoid attention, they run over an eye creature. They report this, but in the meantime the eye creatures have possessed the body of a young drifter and so the two are arrested. The army finds the saucer, cordons it off and blows it up. The teens escape from the police station and discover that the eye creatures explode when exposed to bright light...

0417: Crash Of The Moons

MST3k, Experiment #0417

General Hospital, segment 3. The awkward engagement party dissolves when the groom-to-be is called away for a hospital emergency.

Crash of The Moons.

Rocky Jones tries to save the inhabitants of a planet that is doomed to a collision with one of the moons of a two-moon system but runs into resistance from the planet's suspicious empress.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Don't Assume Anything Is Wrong At All

Alright peoples. Here's this week's poem. I was very highly debating writing one less sappy, and more in tune with the "random observations" as I've been preferring lately... but I still happened to write this anyways, and my whole purpose in blogueing all these poems were to diversify and post each and every poem I wrote. I guess this includes the more emotional ones that just randomly fly onto the paper, so here it is.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

0416: Fire Maidens of Outer Space

MST3k, Experiment #0416

See the creature of horror who ravished a planet! Fire Maidens of Outer Space.

Five young scientists and technicians journey to Jupiter, miss and land on the planet's 13th moon. There, they find the only inhabitants to be a father, his fifteen daughters, and a monster. They find the moon much like Earth, as it has seasons, the same atmosphere, and flowers. They kill the monster, take one of the maidens back with them and promise to send back male settlers for the other girls.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

0415: The Beatniks

MST3k, Experiment #0415

General Hospital, Segment 2. Jessie loves her husband Phil, who is in love with another woman, who is engaged to another man. . . so Jessie decides to host a painfully awkward engagement party.

A pulsating story of modern youth. The Beatniks.

Eddie Crane is on his way to becoming a top recording star...if he can only break away from his lawless beatnik friends who are his only companions. Trouble ensues when his friends kill a bartender during a botched hold-up.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

0414: Tormented

MST3k, Experiment #0414

A ghost-woman owned him body and soul! Tormented.

On an island community off of California, Tom Stewart is preparing to marry the woman he loves. His plans are threatened by his old girlfriend, Vi, who shows up secretly. During a confrontation at the top of the island's lighthouse, the railing breaks and Vi falls. Tom has a chance to save her but doesn't. Tom's relief at Vi's accident soon fades when her vengeful spirit begins showing up wherever he goes...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

0413: Manhunt In Space

MST3k, Experiment #0413

General Hospital, Segment 1. Stalwart nurse Jessie Brewer is married to Phil Brewer, a cardiologist seven years younger than she. Phil has lost interest in Jessie and seeks the excitement of an extramarital affair. And Dr. Steve Hardy informs a patient that she has a hiatus hernia.

Manhunt In Space.

In this compilation of episodes from "Rocky Jones, Space Ranger", Rocky and his co-pilot Winky are sent into space to try to foil a gang of space pirates who have been preying on cargo ships sent out by the United Worlds, and who have also captured Rocky's girlfriend, Vena. Rocky is aided by a new invention, "cold light", which, in much the same way as heat causes mirages to appear in the desert, causes an object to become so cold that it disappears!

Monday, May 24, 2010

It's Three Thirty In The Morning

Alright... I guess this is just a quick poem I wrote up last night / this morning, when I realised I didn't have anything written yet!  I guess it technically describes my life in general... or at least, most nights.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

0412: Hercules and The Captive Women

MST3k, Experiment #0412

Heroic Hercules battles the seductive powers of the wicked Queen of Atlantis! Hercules and The Captive Women.

The ever intrepid world-trotting hunk of a man Herc (Hercules to those who are not his friends) saves a beautiful maiden from the hands of an evil creature. She takes him to her home, Atlantis. Herc kicks some butt and saves her from her mother who wants to kill her and from some scary looking blond guys but unfortunately the rest of the inhabitants are destroyed. Do not worry because Herc escapes along with his son, the maiden and an annoying midget.

Friday, May 21, 2010

0411: The Magic Sword

MST3k, Experiment #0411

The Most Incredible Weapon Ever Wielded!  The Magic Sword.

Lodac, an evil wizard, has kidnapped the Princess Helene and intends to feed her to his dragon in seven days. One of the king's knights, Sir Branton vows to rescue her, despite being warned of Lodac's seven curses, which have to be encountered before they can reach his castle. A boy named George, who was raised by Sybil, a slightly incompetent sorceress, who is smitted with the Princess wants to rescue her but Sybil whose family had battles with Lodac and lost refuses to let him go. But he uses the magic sword that she intends to give him to detain her while he goes to save the Princess. So he and six knights that Sybil created to be his allies go to the king and offer to accompany Branton and if he should save the Princess wishes for her hand in marriage. Branton is not pleased but is implored by the King to bring them with him. But Branton plans to use them as pawns to evade the curses but George with his sword and other armaments that Sybil manage to defeat them.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

0410: Hercules Against The Moon Men

MST3k, Experiment #0410

Earth's mightiest man battles moon monsters!  Hercules Against The Moon Men.

In ancient Greece a race of evil aliens from the moon land on earth. For years they've terrorized the nearby city of Samar, demanding children for sacrifice. Now, the queen of Samar has made a pact with the moon men to conquer the world and become the most powerful woman alive. However, the residents of Samar, sick of all the chaos, cheer when the mighty Hercules shows up to put a stop to it all.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

0409: The Indestructible Man

MST3k, Experiment #0409

Undersea Kingdom, Chapter 2
.  In this thrilling chapter, The Undersea City, Crash and Billy manage to escape being blown up. The crew attempts to escape back to the sub, but are captured by a group of Atlantians, who mistake them for agents of Unga Khan. Unga Khan sends his agents to take the sub crew away from the squad of Atlantans.

300,000 Volts of Horror!  The Indestructible Man.

"Butcher" Benton goes to his death in the state prison, cursing the three men who double-crossed him following an armored-car hold-up; "Squeamy" Ellis, Joe Marcelli and Paul Lowe, his attorney and leader of the gang. He vows to return and kill them and dies without revealing the location of the stolen money. Detective Chasen is determined to keep working on the case until the stolen loot is recovered. Benton's body is taken to Professor Bradshaw and his assistant for experimentation, and they manage to restore him to life, making him practically indestructible in the process. He takes off after the three men, getting rid of everybody who stands in his way. He is impervious to police bullets. He kills Ellis and Marcelli, while Lowe seeks police protection. Benton takes to the sewers to recover the hidden loot and the police are powerless to stop him.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Future Regrets Not Withstanding

Wrote this in the middle of the night the other day.  It's a fair recession back to my older style of writing, but that just comes naturally to me at times.  I can't say it's a bad thing though, because I really think this is one of the best I've written in a while.

Friday, May 14, 2010

0408: Hercules Unchained

MST3k, Experiment #0408

Fabulous feats of human power the screen has never shown before!  Hercules Unchained.

En route to Thebes for an important diplomatic mission, Hercules drinks from a magic spring and loses his memory. He spends most of the movie in the pleasure gardens of Queen Omphale of Lydia. While young Ulysses tries to help him regain his memory, political tensions escalate in Thebes, and Hercules' new wife Iole finds herself in mortal danger.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

0407: The Killer Shrews

MST3k, Experiment #0407

Junior Rodeo Daredevils
.  When old timer Billy Slater finds two children pulling a prank on his horses, he conscripts them to create a "Junior Rodeo". Most of the town shows up and watches children get thrown around by bulls while the narrator advises them that "That ground is awful hard!"

Your skin will crawl with fear at their nearness.  The Killer Shrews.

A disparate group are trapped on a remote island by a hurricane. On the island, a doctor works to make humans twice as small as we already are. This, apparently, will help prevent over population. Unfortunately, his experiments have also created some giant shrews. As the shrews run out of smaller animals to eat, they move in on the people in the house.

Oh good lord... The Killer Shrews.  Imagine a movie about people talking or mumbling, sometimes in sloppy Ariana Huffington accents, in one room (and ONLY one room) through the entire thing.  Now imagine that the characters aren't able to leave due to a bunch of supposed killer shrews that are waiting at bay outside.  There.  Movie.

This is one painful-ass movie.  The Room had more locations than this thing.  Yet somehow, Joel and the bots manage to make a really great episode out of this.  The short helped a lot I am sure... It's just ripe for riffing.

Honestly, the movie is just so bad that the episode is incredible.  I think this is one of my secondary-favourites of the whole series.  Sure, there are plenty of episodes with much more hits than misses than this episode has, but I still just love every bit of it, especially the Killer Shrews board game.  I think I just have a certain love for movies that just really go nowhere, and I don't just mean plot-wise.

Favourite line:  "Imagine in how much detail, senor?"