Friday, July 30, 2010

0603: The Dead Talk Back

MST3k, Experiment #0603

The Selling Wizard. A boring promotional film for grocery-store freezer cases, brought to you by Anheuser-Busch.

The Dead Talk Back.

Eccentric scientist/metaphysician Henry Krasker is asked to assist in solving the murder of one of his housemates by attempting to contact her spirit beyond the grave.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

0602: Invasion USA

MST3k, Experiment #0602

A Date With Your Family. The short covers the basics for how to ensure you and your family have a pleasant and formal 1950's style family dinner. In other words, how to best repress your emotions and ensure a hollow and lifeless social interaction.

It will scare the pants off you! Invasion USA.

Five people are sitting in a New York bar with a mysterious Mr. Ohman, when they hear the news that the godless Communists are invading the good ol' U.S. of A. The five rush off to various sections of the country to do their part to stop the invasion, when an A-bomb crashes down upon Manhattan.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

0601: Girls Town

MST3k, Experiment #0601

Last Stop On The Road To Nowhere! Girls Town.

Chip is killed accidentally while trying to rape a blonde girl, who runs. Silver becomes the number one suspect even though she has an alibi, but due to previous brushes with the law she's sent to Girls Town, a home for young women in trouble with the law which is run by nuns. Silver is rebellious and causes trouble at the school, and her friend Sarafina totters near the brink of self-destruction because of an infatuation with a young singer. Meanwhile Chip's father hires a detective to find out the truth, and Chip's friend Fred gets Silver's sister in trouble at a drag race. Silver has a lot of problems all right.

Monday, July 26, 2010


Here's a nice little poem bout my imaginary trip to San Diego.

San Diego Comic Con 2010

Alright, as many of you may (or may not) already know, I spent the past few days live-tweeting the HELL out of the 2010 San Diego Comic Con.  As most of you are already aware... I did not actually attend the 2010 San Diego Comic Con.  Yet, I almost continually insisted I was there, all while posting all the fun, exciting and sometimes outlandish things I saw and did there.

Here is the entire non-event, through my rather over-active imagination.  Enjoy!!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

0524: 12 To The Moon

MST3k, Experiment #0524

Design For Dreaming. In this musical short, a woman dreams of a mysterious masked man who takes her to see the future... as represented by the 1956 General Motors Motorama.

Land on the moon with the first intrepid astronauts! 12 To The Moon.

An international team embarks on an expedition to the moon in an uncommonly spacious rocketship. There they encounter a faceless alien intelligence who conclude that the human race is too immature and dangerous and must be destroyed.

Friday, July 23, 2010

0523: Village of The Giants

MST3k, Experiment #0523

See them burst out of their clothes and bust up a town! Village of The Giants.

A young kid named Genius accidentally invents a substance that causes all animal life to grow. Genius' sister Nancy and her boyfriend Mike see the money making potential in the substance dubbed goo and plan to sell it to help solve the world's food problem. Unfortunately, a greedy young opportunist named Fred and the group of delinquents he hangs around with decide to steal the goo and use it for their own purposes. They soon change their minds and decide to eat the goo themselves and grow to gigantic proportions and decide to take over the town. They then kidnap the sheriff's daughter and later Nancy as insurance to make sure that they get what they want. It is now up to Genius and Mike to either come up with more goo to enable Mike and his friends to grow and take on Fred and his gang or to find an antidote to shrink Fred and his gang back down to size.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

0522: Teen-Age Crime Wave

MST3k, Experiment #0522

The screen-scorching story of today's immoral youth! Teen-Age Crime Wave.

17-year-old Jane Koberly is at the scene of a hold-up committed by Terry Marsh, Mike Denton and Al. Mike and Al escape. Although innocent, Jane is convicted of the robbery, and she and Trry are sentenced to a juvenile correction home. A guard and a matron are assigned to drive the girls to the home, but they are intercepted by Mike who kills the guard. Janes is forced to accompany the criminals as they escape and then wreck their car. They take refuge at the farm house of Thomas and Sarah Grant and their son, Ben. The police make a house-to-house search, but Grant, fearing his family's safety, reveals nothing. Al, driving to the rescue of the fugitives, is shot and killed. Mike and Terry force Jane and Ben into a car and head for the highway. With the police in pursuit, they are forced to abandon the car near an observatory.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

0521: Santa Claus

MST3k, Experiment #0521

At Last a Movie That's All About Him! Santa Claus.

Santa Claus, high above the North Pole in his cloud-borne castle equipped with more surveillance devices than the Impossible Mission Force, prepares to deliver presents on Christmas night. Santa is especially interested in helping Lupita, the daughter of a poor family who wants nothing more than a doll; and a young boy whose parents are so wealthy they never spend any time with him. However, the Devil will have none of this and sends his minion, Pitch, to foil Santa's plans. Pitch in turn recruits three Naughty Boys to help him set traps for Santa.

Monday, July 19, 2010

What To Write...

Here's the poem for the week. Yet another about my general lack of anything to say. Enjoy!

0520: Radar Secret Service

MST3k, Experiment #0520

Last Clear Chance. Friendly Patrolman Hal Jackson visits the Dixon family to instruct their youngest son, Alan, in the art of safe and courteous driving. He relates many grisly tales of various young drivers, his main advice being to pay attention, but Alan's older brother Frank Jr. isn't listening, and drives with his girlfriend Betty into the path of an oncoming train while turning around and waving at the car behind him.

Radar Secret Service.

In post-WWII America,Radar has been developed to such an extent that law enforcement agencies, seated in their headquarters, can twist a few dials and bring in, on a small television screen, a crisp picture of a roving stock-footage truck carrying uranium material, highly coveted by foreign powers in order to make atomic bombs and blow up the U.S.A. This advanced version of Radar can follow the car occupied by the crooks out to hijack the truck, and also the police car pursuing them after they hijack the truck. But, alas, this can only be done when the atomic material is in motion, and has little value when the crooks park the truck. So the lawmen have to send in a female mole posing as a moll.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

0519: Outlaw

MST3k, Experiment #0519


It's about a beefy blonde and his oily friend Watney. They are teleported by a rose quartz because The Elder (he has no name, Just "The Elder") thinks that Xeno, the Priest by a clearly drunk Jack Palance, has eyes for the throne. Of course, Cabot cares nothing for such intrigue just for the Princess he had "ooh-la-la" with from the previous film "Gor". The Elder is off, though. It's the Queen who wants the throne for her own. Naturally, Watney is seduced by the Queen to implicate Cabot murdering the King, and Cabot and his platinum blonde midget friend escape off into the desert, where they free a slave girl and are just as quickly captured by a bounty hunter. The Princess is forced, meanwhile, by the Queen to fight The Leather Women.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

0518: The Atomic Brain

MST3k, Experiment #0518

What About Juvenile Delinquency? A band of no-good punks beat a guy for driving too slow and steal his mechanical pencil, before arriving to pick up their missing member Jamie, the son of the man they've just beaten. Twist!

Chained... to the devil's love lab! The Atomic Brain.

Mrs. March, sadistic, selfish, and rich, uses her aging gigolo boyfriend and renegade scientist Otto Frank, whose illegal experiments she is subsidizing in her Gothic mansion, in a plan to transplant her brain into the body of a young woman. Three foreign domestics: Mexican Anita, British Bea, and Austrian Nina, are hired. Frank's mysterious and unexplained use of radiation can inexplicably transplant brains without surgery. After he puts a cat's brain into Anita and she literally scratches out Bea's eye, Nina becomes the prospective receptacle for Mrs. March's aging but still active libido.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

0517: Beginning of The End

MST3k, Experiment #0517

The screen's first full-length science-fiction thriller with real live creatures! Beginning of The End.

Reporter Audrey Ames is driving along a highway in Illinois when she is stopped by the military. She then finds out that a small town was destroyed and everyone has seemingly disappeared. She then goes to a lab run by the Department of Agriculture. While she is there she meets the lab's director, Dr. Ed Wainwright. Ed then tells her that strange things have been happening ever since he discovered that a bunch of grasshoppers managed to get into a silo containing a batch of radioactive wheat. They soon discover that the grasshoppers have grown to monstrous proportions and not only are devouring the local vegetation, but have developed a taste for human flesh as well. Now the locusts are marching towards Chicago and the military is threatening to destroy the city with the atom bomb. Can another solution to stop the monsters be found before it is too late?

Monday, July 12, 2010


Well, over the past week, I've gained myself a girlfriend. As incredible that is in and of itself, it's nothing close to how incredible she is. She's an absolute wonder.

That being said, I am going to have to make sure my poems don't get all mushy, unless I just can't help it!! I guess historically, most of my sappy romantic poems were based more on depression, loss, and just general hopelessness. I've always said that I can't write poetry when I'm happy. I tried once to write a happy love poem. It didn't work too well.

Which is why I have gone more recently to a "cynical observation" style... It's easier to just write if I am not really writing about feelings. But sometimes I just can't help it, so I'm sure a few will seep in every so often. I apologise in advance.

0516: Alien From L.A.

MST3k, Experiment #0516

The people at the center of the earth are about to get a visitor. Alien From L.A.

Wanda is a shy plain girl with a very boring life. When her father, an archaeologist, disappears on an expedition, she flies out to look for him. She ends up in an underground world, where no one believes in a surface world. Except for the secret police, who think she and her fathers are spies.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

0515: The Wild Wild World of Batwoman

MST3k, Experiment #0515

Cheating. A young boy learns an important leason: when cheating your way to the top, make sure that you're not caught.

Super-heroine battles diabolical evil to save the world! The Wild Wild World of Batwoman.

In this zero budget cheapie a busty Batwoman enlists her beauteous bevy of Batgirls (when they are not dancing the jerk) to help her regain a mad scientist's invention (an atom bomb made out of a hearing aid) before a costumed ne'er-do-well, Rat Fink, can glom onto it for his own purposes.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

0514: Teen-Age Strangler

MST3k, Experiment #0514

Is This Love? A girl goes against the old-fashioned love of her parents (and very old looking roommate), abandons her parents, and runs away with a new hookup. The short ends asking whether their love will last long or not (It won't)

A embrace...then defilement and death! Teen-Age Strangler.

A troubled teen with an undeserved criminal past is the suspect when young women start turning up around town dead and marked up with lipstick.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

0513: The Brain That Wouldn't Die

MST3k, Experiment #0513

Alive... without a body... fed by an unspeakable horror from hell! The Brain That Wouldn't Die.

Brilliant but borderline psychotic surgeon does secretive, experimental work with limb transplants and tissue rejection drugs, much to the chagrin of his surgeon-father. When he crashes his car and his fiancee is decapitated, his research - far from complete - is put to the test. His focus then becomes finding an appropriate donor body to make his fiancee whole, while the current and failed experiments in his basement laboratory grow restless.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Three-Day Weekends

And because of the holiday weekend, I wrote a poem about just that. As always, pretty self-explanatory.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

0512: Mitchell

MST3k, Experiment #0512

Brute force with a badge. Mitchell.

Joe Don Baker is Mitchell- a hard-nosed, soft-bellied cop with an affinity for porn and Schlitz. His latest assignment has him engaging in no-speed car chases, yelling at children, shooting innocents and sloppily carousing Linda Evans.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

0511: Gunslinger

MST3k, Experiment #0511

Hired to kill the woman he loved! Gunslinger.

Oracle, Texas Marshal Scott Hood is murdered and his wife, Rose, takes his badge and sets out on a personal vendetta to find the killers. She'll have the badge two weeks, then the new marshal arrives to take over. Meanwhile, the unscrupulous Erica Page, the saloon-mistress, is busy buying up local property because she has a tip the railroad is going to make Oracle a depot stop. The cowardly mayor warns her that the railroad may not come to Oracle, but Erica already had that base covered, as after she makes payment on the land, she has her moronic henchman, Jake Hayes, murder the seller, take back the money, return it to her so she can buy some more land. Erica is a businesswoman who believes in a fast return on investment. But, in order to get away cleanly, if the railroad does not come through, she sends Jake out-of-state to Tombstone to hire a gunslinger to come kill Rose. He brings back a hired gun who falls in love with his intended target.