Tuesday, August 31, 2010

0621: The Beast of Yucca Flats

MST3k, Experiment #0621

Money Talks! Having trouble saving money, a kid gets advice from Ben Franklin himself. Progress Island, U.S.A. Modern Puerto Rico has a lot to offer.

Commies made him an atomic mutant! The Beast of Yucca Flats.

A clock ticks. A beautiful girl. A hidden killer. The clock stops. There is no connection.

The vast desert. A plane lands. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist. Joseph Javorski, who looks like he could eat whole pigs, has the fate of the world in his briefcase. The Kremlin's best make him a target. The wheels of progress grind on.

A chase. Bullets. Murder. Flag on the moon...how did it get there? A bomb. More progress. Touch a button, something happens. A scientist becomes a beast.

Figures in a landscape. Who knows how long we really have? Joe and Jim, desert patrolmen. They guard freedom and democracy 24/7 in this landscape. A beast is on the loose. Joseph Javorski, once a noted scientist, now...nothing.

There is no progress in the desert. Yet its effects are everywhere. Man's progress. Quench the killer's thirst. A family stops for a rest. The beast appears. A terrible mistake. Policemen with quick guns and the minds of swine. An innocent man dies. Who cares? Two boys feed soda pop to thirsty pigs. It's progress, you know.

Confrontation. A fight that is not a fight. A gun with no bullets fires. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist, becomes rabbit food. The wheels of progress grind on. End.

I Have No Internet

Attempt number two, as the first poem about my internet connection dropping off got lost due to the internet connection dropping off. Irony.

Monday, August 30, 2010

0620: Danger!! Death Ray

MST3k, Experiment #0620

Danger!! Death Ray.

A gang of European terrorists infiltrates a secret NATO meeting where they steal a Death Ray that was constructed for “peaceful purposes.” They also kidnap the Death Ray’s inventor. Superspy Bart Fargo is assigned to rescue the inventor and prevent the terrorists from using the ray. Bart wanders around several vaguely European cities, sleeps with and promptly dumps several women in true secret-agent style, and manages (more from luck than skill) to thwart the villains.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

0619: Red Zone Cuba

MST3k, Experiment #0619

Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance. Through liberal use of the knee test, looking good and standing tall, the secrets of public speaking are revealed.

Make the Mistake! Red Zone Cuba.

A trio of convicts joins up for an assault on a Cuban stronghold. After they are captured, they plan to escape before they face the firing squad. They eventually make it back to the American Southwest, where they go from town to town, robbing and killing.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

0618: High School Big Shot

MST3k, Experiment #0618

Out of This World. A tale of the never ending battle between good and evil, heaven and hell, as the battle moves to Earth for ultimate domination of bread delivery truck drivers.

The kid who showed the big time how! High School Big Shot.

Marv needs money. His unemployed dad is so poor that he makes Marv give up half his last six bucks so they can both go on three-dollar dates; he's just lost his scholarship after getting caught writing a term paper for Betty, the prettiest (and only) girl in his class; and Betty herself has told him he doesn't stand a chance with her unless he can give her what she wants most: money, money, money. But Marv has mob ties and Marv knows where to find a million dollars cash...

0617: The Sword and The Dragon

MST3k, Experiment #0617

A cast of 106,000! 11,000 horses! The Sword and The Dragon.

Ilya is a cripple without the use of his legs. When he aids some weary travellers, they surprise him by giving him a potion that restores his legs. He immediately becomes powerful and sets off to prove himself to his King. Doing so, he fights the evil Tugars, a wind demon that looks like a cross between a goblin and The Noid, a zeppelin-like ambassador, and the evil Tugars. Ilya gets framed for a crime he didn't commit, then is freed, then finally dispatches the Tugars and their dragon.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Do I Look Awake?

Here's a fantastic poem I wrote just a minute ago. I really enjoy the dialogue-driven ones... They make me chuckle.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

0616: Racket Girls

MST3k, Experiment #0616

Are You Ready For Marriage? Another 1950's social hygiene short. In this one, a high school senior named Sue and her boyfriend want to get married right after Sue graduates. A marriage counselor discourages the young couple from entering into a hasty marriage.

Battling Beauties! Action Packed! Racket Girls.

Scalli is a gangster who manages women wrestlers as a front for his bookmaking, drug, and prostitution rackets. He trusts the wrong people and ends up trying to run away from both the police and mysterious mob boss Mr. Big, to whom he owes $35,000. This film features real-life wrestlers Peaches Page, Clara Mortensen (world champion wrestler), and Rita Martinez (champion of Mexico).

Thursday, August 19, 2010

0615: Kitten With A Whip

MST3k, Experiment #0615

She's all out for kicks... and every inch of her spells excitement! Kitten With A Whip.

Jody, a juvenile delinquent, escapes from reform school by stabbing a matron and attempting to burn down the building and then takes refuge in a house owned by an ambitious politician David Patton. Despite the hellcat's ample charms, the would-be officeholder wants nothing to do with her and tries to drive her away. She responds by shortly returning to his house accompanied by a gang of delinquent pals and taking him hostage. A sudden act of violence causes more trouble, leading Jody and her gang to hijack David and force him to drive a getaway car to Mexico.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

0614: San Francisco International

MST3k, Experiment #0614

Jet Packed Drama at a Giant Air Terminal! San Francisco International.

Pilot for the TV series, stars Pernell Roberts as Jim Conred, who runs an airport, much to the chagrin of his boss, "his way." In this, two plots run - a kid whose parents are splitting up decides to take off in a little red prop plane (and Conrad talks him down), and thieves played by the handsome Tab Hunter and his truly ugly sidekicks try to steal a money shipment. Roberts was replaced by Lloyd Bridges when the show went to series.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

0613: The Sinister Urge

MST3k, Experiment #0613

Keeping Neat and Clean. A typical 1950's social education short for children on how to remain clean and neat, how to dress, and how to use strange shoeboxes.

Branded for Torture... A SMUT PICTURE! The Sinister Urge.

Someone is killing young women in the park. Police suspect it's related to the smut picture racket, and begin leaning on Gloria Henderson, a smut front woman for the "mob." Her right arm man continues to procure young women with stars in their eyes to submit to their heinous celluloid activities, and if the women try blackmail, they call in a specialist to take care of the problem.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sunday, August 15, 2010

0612: The Starfighters

MST3k, Experiment #0612

The blazing adventure of the men and planes who rocket to the very edge of outer space! The Starfighters.

The story of young Lt. Witkowski, an Air Force F-104 Starfighter pilot, and his attempts to prove himself a worthy pilot to his father, a congressman and Air Force war hero. Aerial refueling is prominently featured in this tale of the peacetime Air Force.

Friday, August 13, 2010

0611: Last of The Wild Horses

MST3k, Experiment #0611

WILD FURY... WIDE OPEN THRILLS! Last of The Wild Horses.

A man must clear himself of a murder he did not commit. Also, horse thieves.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

0610: The Violent Years

MST3k, Experiment #0610

Young Man's Fancy. A story sponsored by the Edison Electric Institute that encourages increased consumption of electricity by using an ever-increasing number of home appliances. Teenage Judy is less than excited about her brother’s visit from college. Until she sees that her brother is accompanied by his ultra handsome roommate, Alexander Phipps. Judy is wildly attracted to Alex - he makes her feel “squishy!” But Alex seems only interested in engineering and time study. So Judy prepares dinner all by herself, using lots of modern household applicances and electricity, to impress the guy.

Teenage Killers Taking Their Thrills Unashamed! The Violent Years.

A newspaper publisher's daughter suffers from neglect by her parents. She and her friends turn to crime by dressing up like men, holding up gas stations, raping young men at gunpoint, and having makeout parties when her parents are away. Their "fence" gets them to trash the school on request of sinister un-American clients, and they run afoul of the law, apple pie, and God himself.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

0609: The Skydivers

MST3k, Experiment #0609

Why Study The Industrial Arts? Joe and the Coach double-team to explain to a high-school student disparaging shop class the many and varied uses for Industrial Arts in all aspects of modern life.

Thrill jumping guys... thrill seeking gals... daring death with every leap! The Skydivers.

A couple own an airfield which makes its money on skydiving in the middle of New Mexico. They are having marital problems because the man is cheating on his wife, but remains she tries to remain true to him. The woman he is cheating with is jealous of the man's wife, so she seduces another guy to conspire with her to kill him. Meanwhile, the wife is cheating on the cheating husband with the husband's old Army buddy... and they all enjoy coffee all the while.

Monday, August 09, 2010

I'm Sorry, Twitter

Every week I find myself trying to think of what to write next... Sometimes, I find myself wanting to continue a thought I had previously touched on. This week is definitely one of those times. In addition to last week's poem, here's another one about Twitter:

Sunday, August 08, 2010

0608: Code Name: Diamond Head

MST3k, Experiment #0608

A Day At The Fair. A farming family prepares for their yearly trip to the Indiana State Fair, both to show off their wares and suckle from the teat of the 3-H Club.

Code Name: Diamond Head.

A failed Quinn Martin pilot for a series starring a Hawaii-based government counter intelligence agency run by the indomitable Aunt Mary. In this, his only adventure, Diamond Head has to prevent the evil Tree from stealing a deadly nerve toxin gas and selling it to foreign powers. To help Diamond Head is the Dragon Lady and Zulu.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

0607: Bloodlust!

MST3k, Experiment #0607

Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm. City kids George and Betty spend the summer on their Uncle Jim's farm, learning of all the wonder and splendor that dairy farming entails.

Two beautiful young girls...Defenseless against the deadly ancient crossbow! Bloodlust!

A group of teen-agers vacationing in the tropics take a boat out to a seemingly deserted island. They soon find, however, that the island is inhabited by a wealthy recluse and his staff. While their host is initially hospitable, he quickly reveals his true purpose: to hunt down and kill each of his visitors, as he has done with everyone unlucky enough to set foot on his island.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

0606: The Creeping Terror

MST3k, Experiment #0606

The Creeping Terror.

A creature that looks like a cross between a Chinese dragon puppet and the Pope sucks up people into its maw. A sheriff, his wife, and a "handsome" scientist battle it to the end, with a sub plot about the evils of bachelorhood.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

0605: Colossus and The Headhunters

MST3k, Experiment #0605

In a Time of Titans Colussus Towered Above All!!! Colossus and The Headhunters.

Maciste rescues Ario, the son King Sandor, and his people from their land in a volcanic island that blows-up and they sail to the Land and Urias in a long and dangerous voyage. They are captured by the Urias but when the Queen Amoha meets Maciste, she tells that the traitor Kermis has joined the tribe of Head Hunters and slaughtered her people, but the warrior Taro has saved them from the annihilation; however, her father King Olibauna was missing in action. She asks Maciste to help her against the Head Hunters, but Maciste tells that he is protecting the tribe of Ario. When the Urias are attacked by the Head Hunters, Maciste decides to help Queen Amoha.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Damn You Twitter

I think the title is self-explanatory. A little love poem to Twitter.

Also, follow me.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

0604: Zombie Nightmare

MST3k, Experiment #0604

The Wasted Ain't Wasted. Zombie Nightmare.

Tony Washington is killed by a gang of rampant trendy teenagers. Molly Mokembe is a voodoo lady who brings him back from the dead to seek revenge on his killers so he can rest in peace.