Tuesday, November 30, 2010

1006: Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues

MST3k, Experiment #1006

The Legend Too Monstrous To Die...Surfaces Again! Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues.

Professor and students camp out to find Bigfoot-type creature.

Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm Running Out of Ideas

Alright, we're almost to the end of the year, when I will have finally finished my "one crappy poem every week" mission. Here's a poem about it.

1005: The Blood Waters of Dr. Z

MST3k, Experiment #1005

A creature like you've never seen before. The Blood Waters of Dr. Z.

A mad scientist (and apparent former Nazi) unleashes his master plan: to transform himself into a mutated walking catfish, gain revenge on those who have spurned him, and kidnap nubile young women to similarly transform so that he can breed. Or something like that.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

1004: Future War

MST3k, Experiment #1004

It came from the future to hunt humans. Future War.

A race of evil cyborgs kidnap humans from Earth's future to use as slaves, and take dinosaurs from the past to use as trackers. One of their slaves, the Runaway, escapes and makes his way to present-day Los Angeles. There he must fend off the cyborgs and their trackers, the police, and the government, befriended by a prostitute-turned-nun who runs a halfway house.

Friday, November 26, 2010

1003: Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders

MST3k, Experiment #1003

In a world where magic only exists, anything can happen. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders.

This is a movie within a TV movie within a made-for-video movie. A boy is watching TV when a power outage forces him to talk to his grandpa for entertainment. His grandpa, a former screenwriter, re-tells an old screenplay about Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders. In it, Merlin sets up an enchanting store in a modern-day strip mall, accompanied by his gleeful wife and gnomes, snakes, dragons, etc. From this framing device, we then see two stories about people's encounters with items from the shop. The first sequence (created for this film but looking like an episode of "Tales From The Darkside") involves a pompous, cranky newspaper critic who begins casting spells using Merlin's spell book. The second story, an edited version of the full length movie, The Devil's Gift, is about an evil monkey doll (you know, the wicked grin and the cymbals?) who kills every time his hands clap. Merlin of the 1990s is disjointedly tied-in with the 1980 movie.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

1002: Girl In Gold Boots

MST3k, Experiment #1002

She Hungered For Fame... The Men In Her Life Offered Love, Danger, Excitement! Girl In Gold Boots.

A young girl, Michele, is persuaded by a disreputable agent-type to leave her job as a waitress and travel to Los Angeles to become a go-go dancer. There, she must compete with the established top star, Joan, and eventually ends up taking her place.

Ice and Fleas

Okay, last week's poem actually went really well.  I just rambled streams of words that went through my head and typed them before really thinking about them.  Oddly, it almost made sense.  I doubt I'll have the same luck this week, (considering I typed "lunch" instead of "luck" just now... perhaps I should eat.) but I'm gonna do it again anyways.  It'll be fun.

1001: Soultaker

MST3k, Experiment #1001

Trapped in the Twilight Between Life and Death. Soultaker.

Mysterious unseen men in black collect the souls of the recently dead. When four teenagers "die" in a car wreck, one of these beings is sent to retrieve their souls. However, the teens are disembodied and realize their predicament. They flee. The movie revolves around them being picked off one by one, The Man's infatuation with one of the teenagers (who was apparently his lover in a past life), and the efforts of the teens to reunite their souls with their hospitalized bodies.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

0913: Quest of The Delta Knights

MST3k, Experiment #0913

In an age of swords and sorcery, one young hero holds the key to infinite wisdom - and ultimate power. Quest of The Delta Knights.

This action-comedy takes place on a world where the 15th Century finds Europe still caught in the grip of the Dark Ages. A young boy named Tee is sold into slavery, and bought by the beggar Raydoor, who takes him on as an apprentice. When Raydoor realizes that Tee is the subject of a prophecy, he reveals himself as one of the Delta Knights, a secret order dedicated to helping humanity. Trained by Raydoor, Tee also becomes a Delta Knight and joins forces with a ne'er-do-well painter named Leonardo (from the small town of Vinci), and a tavern girl, Thena. Pursued by Lord Vultare, minion of the wicked Mannerjay, they set out on a quest to find the lost treasures of Archimedes.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

0912: The Screaming Skull

MST3k, Experiment #0912

Free coffin if you don't DIE OF FRIGHT! The Screaming Skull.

Newlyweds Eric and Jenni Whitlock retire to his desolate mansion, where Eric's first wife Marianne died from a mysterious freak accident. Jenni, who has a history of mental illness, begins to see strange things including a mysterious skull, which may or may not be a product of her imagination. Suspicion falls on Mickey, the estate's mentally challenged gardener, who was seemingly was very attached to his former mistress.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

0911: Devil Fish

MST3k, Experiment #0911

Sink your teeth into pure terror. Devil Fish.

Several boats are torn apart, badly wrecked corpses are washed ashore... something horrible is out in the Caribbean sea. The teeth marks on the bodies don't lead to any known animal, so scientist Dr. Stella Dickens suspects it's a so far unknown life form and strives to catch it alive. She doesn't know yet that ruthless scientists have genetically created this creature as a bioweapon, or that it has been designed to reproduce by asexual means. And that the company she works for created the creature and will stop at nothing to keep their secret.

I Like To Make Log Cabins With My Mind

Okay, I think I am going to try something new for this week's poem. Let's hope it works.

Monday, November 15, 2010

0910: The Final Sacrifice

MST3k, Experiment #0910

On this mission, no sacrifice is too great! The Final Sacrifice.

Ruled by the evil Satoris, an ancient cult of Canadian wrestlers, the Ziox, are bent on world domination. Instrumental to their plan is a map to the ancient Ziox cult idol, recently discovered by a young boy, Troy. When the Ziox invade his home to recover the map, he flees and ends up in the bed of a passing pickup truck, driven by Rowsdower. Rowsdower and Troy become friends, and together search for the lost idol before the Ziox can claim it and take over the world.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

0909: Gorgo

MST3k, Experiment #0909

Like nothing you've ever seen before! Gorgo.

A salvage vessle is nearly sunk off the Irish coast by an undersea earthquake. A few nights later, a walking sea monster tangles with the fishing boats and enters the town. The salvage vessel captures Gorgo and takes it to London for display. Gorgo's mother, who is upset and significantly larger follows his trail to London leaving a wake of destruction in her path.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

0908: The Touch of Satan

MST3k, Experiment #0908

To Love Her Is To Be Cursed! The Touch of Satan.

On his way to California, Jodie decides on a whim to make a brief side trip to a farm, where he meets and falls in love with Melissa, the proverbial farmer's daughter. Or so it seems. In between the overlong dramatic pauses, we learn that Melissa is in fact a 120-year-old witch, and her remarkably spry "great-grandmother," Lucinda, is actually her sister, who has been pitchforking people to death in her spare time. When Lucinda murders a local policeman, things start to get real complicated for Jodie.

0907: Hobgoblins

MST3k, Experiment #0907

Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it! Hobgoblins.

A group of hobgoblins, who allow you to live out your fantasies but kill you in the process, escape from a studio vault, and a security guard and his friends must stop them before dawn.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Seems Like Old Times

A quick poem about a movie I grew up with and am watching now.

0906: The Space Children

MST3k, Experiment #0906

SHORT:
Century 21 Calling. An informational short featuring two overly-enthusiastic celibate teens who witness the amazing phone of the future! Marvel at the ground-breaking, state-of-the-art features such as call waiting, call conferencing, and touch-tone dialing. Incredible!

Slowly...and with horror the parents realized THEIR CHILDREN WERE THE SLAVES OF 'THE THING' FROM OUTER SPACE! The Space Children.

A glowing brain-like creature arrives on a beach near a rocket test site via a teleportation beam. The alien communicates telepathically with the children of scientists. The kids start doing the alien's bidding as the adults try to find out what's happening to their unruly offspring.

Friday, November 05, 2010

0905: The Deadly Bees

MST3k, Experiment #0905

Hives of horror! - Excited by the smell of fear, they inflict their fatal stings! The Deadly Bees.

Pop singer Vicki Robbins collapses from exhaustion while shooting the 1960's equivalent of a music video, and her physician prescribes a respite on Seagull Island with colleague and bee-keeper, Ralph Hargrove. Vicki finds the Hargroves' bitter marital strife oddly relaxing. But when a mysterious swarm of specially bred attack bees starts killing island residents, Vicki fights for her survival, setting fire to nearly half the structures on the island in her escape.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

0904: Werewolf

MST3k, Experiment #0904

Rest In...Beast. Werewolf.

A team of archaeologists with unplaceable accents unearth a skeleton at a dig in an Arizona quarry. The Native Americans on the dig instantly recognize it as the remains of a werewolf, so the team leaders immediately take it to their lab and stare at it. Natalie, one of the team members, thinks it's absolutely fascinating, but Yuri siezes on greater ambitions when one of the dig assistants, who injured themself on the remains, becomes infected and turns into a werewolf in full view of hospital personnel. Yuri then conducts an experiment infecting other people in town to see if they turn into werewolves as well. When Paul arrives at the lab to assist in analyzing the remains, Yuri infects him, too. After Paul's transformation (under a week-long full moon), Natalie tries to save him.

I Fell Behind

Here's a little poem to try to catch up with things now that I am back from my trip.