Monday, December 10, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 2, Disc 1

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s02e01 - Man Of Science, Man Of Faith

Of all the season premiers, this may have been the most excitingly anticipated. Oh hey, it's Desmond. I really want to have a hatch like that. That place has everything... and I really like the style of design. Neat little angles and retro stuff. And bunk beds!! I remember people watching this, wondering if they were watching the right show... until the little explosion here. That's when we find out that, oh, this is all what's in the hatch. Some guy with an exercise bike.

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42... I think Jack's taking this "de-facto leader" thing a little too seriously. In flashback, Shannon's dad just nearly killed Jack's future wife and even more future ex-wife. "She said she has to dance at her wedding." Oh great, the dog ran off again. If that isn't a recurring theme... Now Jack is berating Locke about destiny. Also a recurring theme. They drag that argument on another 2-3 seasons until Jack finally gives in. Oh right, Shannon sees wet Walt in the middle of the jungle, speaking backwards or something. Now I have to look up what he said, because I don't remember. Off I go to Lostpedia. Oh yeah, it was "Don't push the button. Button bad."

Geez Kate, why WOULDN'T Locke want to get down into the hatch so Quick sum-up of the prior season's finale by Locke. Hooray for exposition! "Really? Wow. Usually you're like Mr Ha-ha." Finally, Hurley explains the numbers and his "curse" to someone personally. "You were in a psych ward?" Yeah, Jack has horrible bedside manners. It doesn't get much better either. Jack, the destroyer of hope. Oh man, it would have been great if Jack just gave the exact same speech as before... "If we can't live... together..." Uh, yeah Arnst blew up, sorry Charlie. Yeah! You're not the boss of me, Jack!

Woah, Kate isn't gonna stay in one spot for more than five minutes?! What a shocker. Where have I seen Sarah's prior fiancée before?! Whelp, this is what IMDB is for... Ally McBeal. Okay, that's kind of sad that I recognized some random guy from an Ally McBeal episode. Oh yeah, send Kate down first. I suppose she is lighter. Apparently not light enough though. "Well okay then..." Okay now THAT is more of a tower of light like we see in the time-travel future-past.

Great, now Jack is off to join the hatch party. Well, no Kate OR Locke, so he might as well go in too. Desmond runs stairs faster than Jack. He also doesn't trip and fall quite as much. Jack sounds so white when he says "brother"... "See you in another life, yeah?" People had a field day with that line. The magnet wall... I like the magnet wall. Kate quietly shouting for Jack in the background... and now Locke is at gunpoint. I really would love to live in a hatch like this. Okay, so I really don't get what Jack ever saw in Sarah. I'm not a fan of hers, honestly. She always just seemed so superficial. Even in the wedding scenes and toasts and speeches and all that, she just seemed very shallow. I guess the sex must have been good or something.

s02e02 - Adrift

Michael's said "Walt!" a good 6000 times already this episode, and we're only a minute into it. Oh good, he's unconscious now. Phew. Now for Locke's perspective of the hatch sequence. Despite being mildly annoyed that we only got the story in small fragments, I still have always enjoyed and loved how they broke up what actually happens in the hatch. Hey look! It's the guy from Warehouse 13 as the sheister lawyer! Wow, an honest sheister lawyer. That's different. "Walt! Walt! Walt! They took my son!"

Ew, I bet Locke's socks are getting all wet and squishy. Hey, a Dharma logo! Yeah, this hatch is a pretty sweet set-up. Shark! Can we get back to the hatch please? Sawyer is great and all, but I really don't care about anything Michael has to say here. Oh well, I guess it is his episode after all, what with the flashbacks and everything. That lawyer lady needs to open her mouth when she talks. She keeps saying "Mr Dershern" instead of Dawson. Yep, Sawyer's awesome. Ow. Okay, that hurts just thinking about it... but at least the bullet's out. "What did one snowman say to the other snowman?" Kate? Be a good girl? Yeah right.

Now Jack's off to join the hatch party... again. Claire found Charlie's heroin statue. That won't come back to haunt him at all. Back to the Michael/Sawyer argument. "What are you gonna do? Splash me?" I'm fairly certain this is the same board room where Claire almost signed away her baby... Also, Michael's ex needs better bangs. They look flat and it doesn't look that good on her. Poor Michael. When he's not being annoying or shouting for Walt, he has a pretty tragic story and I feel kinda bad for him. Kate, however, I don't feel bad for. She got herself into any and all of her own trouble. No pity there. Ooo, the food room. I want a gigantic jar of olives... and an Apollo bar. There we go talking about the sickness again. And John's first time pushing the button. I bet he feels proud. "That would be Jack."

Oh this scene again! Maybe we'll get some resolution to it! Jack's berating Locke yet again about destiny... oh and the scene ends the same place it did before, and sends us back to Michael. I hate you, Lost. Oh the Dharma shark again! Aww, they shot it. Oh well. It had a good run. "We're home." Oh no! Jin is being chased by the Others! Wait, one of those others looks an awful lot like Libby.

s02e03 - Orientation

Alright, I have hot dogs and chips, and I'm ready for episode 3. Eko just beat up Michael, Sawyer and Jin. I really don't know why anyone would eat any hot dogs but beef. Oh THIS scene again... "You want your damn thirty dollars back?! I want my kidney back!" Oh how I love a good Locke episode! Yay, Helen! She's a great character, and it's sad things never worked out between the two of them... unless you count the post-death flash sideways of course. Oh way to go... You just shot the computer that saves the world. "We're all gonna die."

It looks like the hatch needs a bit of a tech upgrade. Locke's dad just told him he's not wanted. Man, he doesn't just GIVE Locke a complex, he piles as much on as he can. "We saved the world together for a while, and that was lovely..." I love the Dharma orientation films. I want a DVD of JUST Dharma orientation films. Yeah better luck next time Hurley. Back to the hostages... Eko just threw Ana Lucia into the pit with Michael, Jin and Sawyer.

Now for the video! Chang is Dr. Marvin Candle on this one. Ah the DeGroots... There's a name that came from the "Where Is Alvar Hanso?" game from between seasons. I miss all the viral stuff that this show had early on. I love that he refers to the huge computer system as a "microcomputer processor"... Micro, sure. "We're going to need to watch that again."

Leela's so good to John. If only he hadn't been so obsessed with his dad. Ana Lucia is waking up... now for the annoyance to start. I dislike her so much. "They took my son." One annoying character meets another. Lost! Aw crap, the computer's fried AND the power is out now. Oh well. So, if he had a failsafe key this whole time, why did he even run off? It would have saved us a whole season or two... Actually, if Kelvin had just turned the key in the first place, it would have saved us 6 seasons. So I guess it's probably for the best that they didn't just turn the key now. "What am I supposed to do?"

"That's why it's called a leap of faith, John." Uh oh, Hurley found the food. I still want a huge jar of olives. "Ngummingaowt!" That's what the subtitle for Ana Lucia should have been. She annoys me. A lot. Desmond actually has a really good memory... of course, I remember random extras from Ally McBeal, but that's not the point. Also, I guess Jack is one of the last people Desmond was in contact with before he got stranded on an island for years. I'm sure that sort of thing would stick into a person's mind quite well. I need more ice cream. For once, Sayid is very logical in his priorities. You can tell me WHY I need to fix this thing after it's fixed. No biggie. I'd like to see Jack think like that. Uh oh, Hurley recognizes the numbers. Okay Locke, now's not the time to be fighting over who should push the button this time. "This argument is irrelevant." Thank you Sayid. "It's never been easy!" I guess that's why it's called a leap of faith.

s02e04 - Everybody Hates Hugo

Hurley is in a world of food! Poor Hurley always gets put in charge of the food. Whose idea was that anyways?!? Hey, let's put the fat guy in charge of the food distribution. "Have a cluckety-cluck-cluck day, Hugo." Yeah Ana Lucia is annoying. Sawyer, however, is awesome. So is Hurley's mom! She's one of my favourite recurring characters. "Yes, it IS Jesus... He wants to know what colour car you want!" At least Hurley tells the one perfect person about the hatch. If there was anyone who is worth telling, it would be Rose.

The dentist has a sweet tooth. Okay, that makes sense. DJ Qualls! He's so perfect as Hurley's best friend. I don't think they could have cast anyone else to fit as comfortably into that role. And of course, a one Mr. Randy Nations. We all hate Randy Nations. Yeah, trying to secretly shadow Locke is kind of pointless. Why is Sayid even TRYING to break through the magnet wall?! That seems a little stupid, if you ask me. It's humming and magnetic, yes, let's try to bust through and see what it is! Man, someone really needs to shoot Ana Lucia.

Do you really think telling Charlie is the best idea? That was kind of sloppy, Locke. "Drive Shaft, more like Suck Shaft." Starla's hot... She was hot in The Mighty Ducks too... and everything else she's ever been in. Like my BED!!! BAM!!! Yeah maybe there's a REASON they poured concrete all around this magnetic thing... It's probably not the best thing to go bashing at it, trying to get to it. Well, if there's one thing Kate's good at, it's taking a shower. Some Libby cleavage for the ladies... I mean, men. Whatever.

Well, if you're going to bring bad news to someone, it's best to bring a dog and a baby along to soften to blow. Speaking of blowing, Hurley's gonna blow himself up some foods. I love Hurley... Despite what the title says, everybody loves Hugo. And Rose. Everybody loves Rose too. It would have been funny if they had used the same island extras for the parking lot news crowd. Then people would wonder what the tall striped-shirt blonde chick was doing there... and it would have added confusion to the show!! Because that's what this show needed more of: confusion... and boobs. Lots more boobs.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Discs 6-7

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e21 - The Greater Good (aka, Sides)

Alright, here I am again... You can all relax now. I got sandwich crumbs all over my bed. Hold on. There. I brushed them off. I am now ignoring sandwich crumbs. Get it? Brushed them off? No?! Oh well, whatever. I'll try again later. Oh good grief. Sayid is being mopey again... although by this point, is he ever NOT being mopey?! That character has his cool moments, but they basically just wrote him as a whimpering, teary-eyed sob-sack. I just waved at the television when the lady introduced herself. I need help. Sometimes I think he's even more co-dependent than Kate. He can't live without Nadia... except when he's with Shannon... who he can't live without... until it's Nadia again... and then he can't live without her until it's Olivia D'Abo who then screws him over so he kills her and then he can't live with himself. There. I just summed up Sayid's life. Oh look. Jack's over-reacting again. Poor Boone. I think this is one of the only not-all-that-funny funerals they've had, really. "...and Boone was the first one into the water." Sure, he needed to be rescued himself, but that is beside the point. Jack looks sickly. The colour in his face is all greyed out.

WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR???!?!! Oh sorry, I Bauered there for a moment. Wrong Jack; I apologize. They get a LOT of use out of that set. Here at the mosque or whatever, the school Faraday taught at, the abbey that Desmond served at... oh yeah, Charlie's church. I'm sure there's more. Way to win the young mother's heart and affections... call her baby a turnip. Hmmm, it seemed to work. I gotta try that sometime. Geez, Locke is so awesome. Why doesn't Shannon see that? Maybe she does, and she's just jealous of his awesomeness... which is why she tries to kill him later.

Jack is stubborn. I wonder if Charlie calls charlie horses "hurley horses"... That would be idiotic. This lady is actually kind of weird looking. Yeah, Hurley singing that song wouldn't calm me down either. Ooo Locke was the one who hit Sayid on the head! And now Sayid is going to cry again. Wait so you won't kill Locke for me now? What kind of boyfriend ARE you?! Babies love Sawyer. Jack's awake everyone! Woah, Kate is watching him sleep. Because that isn't creepy. Oh yes, the gun key is gone so that means Locke took it. Right. Shannon's got a gun, da de da deer da dee... Heroes?! I thought that was a different show. Suicide Bombers 4 Life! Dude! Ya sold out your bro homey for a chick woman?! That's like totally limbo, S-to-the-izzle. How low can you go?

No Shannon! If you kill Locke now, how could there be a season 5?! Oh, I think Shannon is going to break up with Sayid now. "And now, you are going to take me to the hatch."

s01e22 - Born To Run

By the title, I am guessing a Kate episode. You know how much I love those. Woo. Shouting "Platinum!" is a really weird way to start a conversation. I think I will start doing that. Oh Arnst... or Arzt, technically... but whatever. Another fan-favourite. "So when do we have to leave?" "Yesterday." Yet another missing piece was Michael asking Arzt for some more info, and Arzt admits he made the whole thing up to inspire them to work faster. Then he goes on a long rant about a horrible blind date he went to Australia for, and it's really quite funny... Oh, I guess I'd better pay attention to Kate.

See, Kate? This is what happens when you break the law. Your mother dies of cancer. Wow, they got a lot dug out around the hatch. Ooo Kate's tough. I wouldn't want to run into her in a dark alley. I might mistake her for a drain-pipe. Uh oh, Michael is all poisoned and stuff. I blame Locke. "All due respect Jack, but since when do I report to you?" Oooo Locke just gave Jack a touche-style burn. Pa-KOW!! Man, I wish I had more egg nog. One quart wasn't even remotely enough. Under a big tree in the middle of the night, digging up a box filled with memories from when they were kids... This reminds me of Crossroads. SHE TOUCHED ONE!!!

As much as Michael annoys me, I still really like his back-story. Unfortunately, we're stuck with Kate's this episode... I'll live with it. "I mean, Steve didn't even know about the polar bear!" One of the best Hurley lines ever. Aww poor Tom. Kate's "the one who got away"... probably because she can't stay in one place for more than 3 seconds. "You always wanna run away Katie." Okay, a truly unanswered thing from this show: How did Walt know about the hatch and that Locke shouldn't open it.

I'm a big fan of Sawyer outing Kate. Good job, Kate. You just killed your boyfriend. In a moment of Locke-like wisdom and clarity, Jack deduces it was Sun who poisoned the water.

s01e23 - Exodus (Part 1)

Wow, I think it's a bad sign when I recognize that exact episode of Power Rangers SPD that Walt was watching. Also, that I knew which Power Rangers series it was by their uniforms. I need help. Oh hey, the French chick. She's come for the boy-bee. She's troying to hught mah boy-bee!! Oh, also, the Others are coming. Wait, do we push on lift or lift on push?! ... I forgot how to count!! ... Yeah, we gonna break ourselves a raft, bitchez!! Aww and there it goes. Heh heh, Locke said "booby."

Oh hey, Ana-Lucia. Yippee. Better looking than Kate, but surprisingly far more annoying. Hmm, I wonder if at this point, she had figured out that Jack is the son of the guy she came to Australia with. Man, how was she actually quite charming here, and was all "tough and bitchy" in season 2? This show is SO unbelievable. Oh great, Arzt is going to come help with the dynamite. "So, unless you wanna blow up... I'm coming with you." Hey, here's that scene with Sawyer chopping down bamboo, where he tells Jack about meeting his dad. One of my top favourite scenes of the series, truthfully.

Yeah, the marshal probably didn't need to taunt his prisoner quite as much as he did. Oh good, they're finally going to launch the damned raft. I predict it will sink. Poor red-shirted Arnst. Sawyer brought a mast... and no shirt, for the female viewers. Arnst is a loud runner. Oh, the smoke monster is a security system. That makes... sense? Yeah... I guess about as much as anything here.

Shannon gets the doggy... and then she turns Sayid in to security. Poor Sayid. All he wanted to do was buy a tie. Ooo a boat! Let's play pirates! "Relax, they don't speak English." What a dumb thing to presume of strangers... especially considering Americans normally just think everyone speaks English. Alright, let's try this launching thing one more time... Everyone said their goodbyes and nice-knowin-yas? Good. Now let's git dis shee-yit floatin'!!

s01e24 - Exodus (Part 2)

Now here I am on disc 7. I took a few days between this and the last little bit up there, but I decided to shove the season finale on the same post... despite it being on another disc. I really hate it when people spell "finale" as "final" or "finally" as happens every year around season finally time. You see how stupid that looks?!? I mean geez. Oh it's on. Claire's whining unintelligibly while the baby cries and Charlie is begging Sayid for a gun. Why are people such huge fans of this season!? Oh good, back to the Black Rock. "Are you on the same island as I am?"

I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to explore the inside of an old, abandoned ship like this... I could explore this all day. Arnst is making life awkward for Hurley. Hey! Locke and Jack agreed on something! Yeah, Arnst is high-strung. Reeeeeally high-strung. "Woah, what are you doing?! Did I ask you to come closer!?" It's no wonder he blows up right about... NOW! Wooo!!! I guess the island was done with Arnst.

This guy sounds like a bad impression of a Korean mobster, not like a white mobster who speaks Korean... I think he's trying too hard. But oh well, he's not important beyond threatening Jin to not run away. Sawyer is singing "Redemption Song" by Bob Marley... That's the biggest clue to the over-arching point of the show right there. Redemption. Most (I can't say all) of the characters find a form of redemption before being able to die and move on... Oh geez, now Shannon's crying and Sayid is being all sensitive. Back to the Black Rock! "He just... exploded... in front of us." Yeah that makes sense Locke... Ask the SPINAL SURGEON if he's ever played Operation. "You like to play games, John?" "Absolutely." Locke LOVES his games... and the French chick LOVES stealing babies.

And I love drugged-up Australian hookers. "Drive Thru is the best damn band ever." The French chick took her boy-bee. Claire and her damn boy-bee. Oh I got a little distracted by Google... I'm better now. "You got some Arnst on you." This episode has some great lines. More Scott/Steve mix-ups. I think Walt is annoying Sawyer with all his damn questions. Oh god Claire, shut up!! No one can ever understand you anymore!!!

Someone won't stop honking outside. That's annoying me. I hate people. Also, I'm hungry. Does someone want to bring me a cheeseburger? Maybe I'll go get one after this. Actually, I'll get 2. There's a place down the street where I can buy 2 burgers and fries for a total of 5$ cash after tax. Are you all jealous yet? You should be. Yes Sayid, give the ex-junkie some access to heroin. You're not as perceptive as Jack.

s01e25 - Exodus (Part 3)

Starting the episode off with some Smoke Monster... and Locke is going to try to stare it down. I don't think it will be as friendly this time around. Yeah, it's trying to yank him into the ground... I wonder what really would have happened if Jack had let go like Locke wanted. I think he would have been all taken over with the sickness or whatever that got Danielle's husband. I guess we'll never know... and really, it's not important. "The name Aaron is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Aaron is: A teacher; lofty; mountain of strength." There. I answered Sun's question using the magic of Google. Charlie almost died again.

Hurley's flashbacks are always so adventurous and fun. They even have upbeat music when all this crap happens to him. Oceanic were a horrible airline. They have worse bed-side manners than Jack. Apparently Hurley wasn't THAT late for the flight. Arnst is still in line at security. He must have been the last one on the plane before Hurley. The lady at the door letting Hurley on is the same lady that told Desmond that the school had no record of Faraday ever working there. I think she's in on it! "Because you're a man of science... Me? I'm a man of faith... We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason. All of us. Each one of use was brought here for a reason... The island brought us here." I believe he's right. The island brought them there, not Jacob. It may have used Jacob to bring them there, but all of them (including Jacob) are pawns in the island's goal of survival or whatever.

Poor Locke, all despondent in his wheelchair. Michael and Sawyer bonding moment... those 2 and Jin become good friends in season 2. Ooo, a blip on the radar. This couldn't possibly be the Others here to take the boy... We should alert them! Oh never mind, let's get back to the stolen baby plot. Charlie enjoys a bit of conflict. Back to the hatch. There's quite a lot of different story-lines going on right now. Not all of them interesting though, as was shown by the whole baby thing a few minutes ago. Uh oh, Hurley sees the numbers printed on the hatch door. In season 5, he'll see those being printed there in person. "The numbers are bad!"

Fire the flare so they can kidnap your boy already, Michael. There, now don't you feel better? Yay! Tom Friendly! I love that guy. "Only, the thing is... We're gonna have to take the boy." DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! Aww, they blew up the raft. Now he has to build a third one. Michael just can't catch any breaks. Okay, a montage of a baby-returning scene... and of course, Charlie has some heroin. Ooo, a plane-boarding montage! These are always nice. Awww Boone! I miss Boone. Okay, now to finally find out what is in this hatch! I can't wait any longer; I am SO excited!! Come on Lost, show me!! Oh boy oh boy oh boy... Yes, remove the hatch door... Good... Now peer on down and then show us what you see... Okay, it's a ladder... and... and?! SON OF A BITCH!!!

Friday, November 02, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 5

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e17 - ...In Translation

Jin. This episode is about Jin. No, not gin... Jin. The Asian guy that everyone hated by this point. He was such an asshole... until we found out he really wasn't. Liar. His father isn't dead. Ooo Sun in a bikini. Aww man, Jin ruined it. What I always found dumb was absolutely every one of the other survivors seemed to be completely unaware of Korean culture. I thought it was something more people know than didn't, but I guess I was wrong. Either way, Jin's behavior seemed about right to me.

Yeah right, Sun, nothing is going on with Michael because the writers decided to abandon that storyline early on. I, for one, am glad they did... but it's still there in some of the Missing Pieces and Mobisodes. I think they kiss once actually (in the Mobisode), which makes Michael's reaction to Sun's news of their baby in season 4 more understandable. I'm still glad they tossed that story aside fast though. Jin playing golf makes me think of another Mobisode where he shouts angrily at the golf ball. Good stuff. Aww Hurley is so great! Trying to get Jin to fish with him to cheer him up. Oh yeah, Shannon's still alive; I forgot that. Michael's trying to bond with Walt again, but failing. Poor Michael. Oh no, a fire! Michael's raft is burning! Call the fire brigade! ... Actually, I'm a little surprised no one on the island bothered to start a fire brigade, considering all the other little things they've organized.

I should totally become a Korean mobster. That sounds like a good career choice. I'm sure I'd have all the KFC I could eat. Korean mobsters love KFC. They also apparently like puppies. I think Boone just gave Sayid permission to get screwed over by Shannon. Now Sayid is trying to break up with Shannon... I love island soap operas. Yeah, still wondering why and how anyone can dislike Locke. He was so full of wisdom and fantastic advice. He's practically the therapist of the group. "Everyone gets a new life on this island, Shannon. Maybe it's time you start yours." I guess Jin won't be having any free KFC any time soon. Man, he must really want that chicken, because he's going to town on that guy. Is it a chicken factory?! I want my extra-crispy and I want it now. I think the scene in the washroom is the first time Lost showed the same flashback but from a different perspective. "I do whatever your father asks of me. I do it for us." Everyone really just devolved into animal instinct here, didn't they? Yes, let Michael beat up the Korean guy. That will fix everything. Walt, this is how we handle things in New York.

Whelp, now everyone knows Sun speaks English. So much for secrets. Once again, Locke chimes in with logic and reason. "We're not the only people on this island and we all know it." Dammit, dammit, dammit, oh hey Walt. Uh oh, Jin is moving out. Does that mean Sun is available now?? There, see? Jin's dad is alive. Well, was. He may have died by now and we just don't know it. That's one of the huge remaining unanswered mysteries of this show. Did Jin's dad die of heartache after the crash or not? Boy how I wish they'd tell us things like that. Of course, Locke already knew that Walt started the fire... and that Billy Joel didn't. Is this when Hurley's CD player dies? Yep... It's dead. "Son of a bitch."

s01e18 - Numbers

4 8 15 16 23 42 -- That's right, THOSE numbers.  Seriously, people... Jin / Hurley scenes are some of the most funny scenes of the show. This episode also has some great Hurley / Charlie scenes. Man, this episode really started a world-wide trend. Those numbers are about as well known as... I can't think of anything more well-known about this show than that, really. Maybe the smoke monster, but I think the numbers have even that beat.

Haha, Hurley is just watching Sayid sleep. Because that's not creepy. Hurley really doesn't understand "nonchalant" at all, does he? Well Charlie just seems a bit confused. That's right Locke; give the pregnant girl some manual labor to do. Sayid and Shannon trying to act cute is rather nauseating. Hurley's mom is awesome... Why did I never catch that before, that Diego's girlfriend/wife Lisa left him for a waitress? That's hillarious!

Nice to see the cable is still fully above the sand... The tide apparently didn't re-bury it. "I'm an accountant; I believe in numbers." Okay, I went to get some lemonade. What did I miss? Hurley is spry. Oh Leonard. I love Leonard. He's awesome. So is the summer sausage I am currently snaskcacking on. That word was supposed to be "snacking" but I was busy with my sausage. Wow, that sounds perverse. Hmm, we know the cable goes out to the Looking Glass... but what about the end that goes into the ground? What power supply does it actually come from? ... if it IS the power supply. I could only assume, but I guess with this show... and Charlie almost dies again, this time on a suspension bridge. What's the count at now? I don't know... I'll figure out later. Actually, I'll probably forget until next time.

"You make your own luck, Mr. Reyes." Okay, now I have applesauce. I think I have a problem. I started my live-beefing with sunflower seeds, moved on the popcorn, then sausage and now this. I wonder what else I have. Jack blew up Rousseau's shelter. Way to go Jack. Maybe it was all that KFC talk, made me hungry. Man, Hurley can RUN!! French chick doesn't know what the numbers mean either, and now Hurley's pissed. Good old fun-time Hurley is pissed. Aww Sayid found the burned up picture of Nadia... Between her (before and after the island) and Shannon, he really does move on quickly. Just sayin'... "She says hey." Once again, Locke is awesome. I think that's my moral of this show: Locke is awesome.

s01e19 - Deus Ex Machina

And to further prove my point, another Locke episode. "There's a T on the end." That is one strong-ass hatch door. Ah there it is: "Then the island will tell us what to do." I think Locke's mother is as immature in her old age as she was when she was a teenager. I really love this episode. There's the Nigerian plane... "Theresa falls up the stairs. Theresa falls down the stairs." They really started getting into the mythological elements of the show here. We have the island speaking to us, destiny, dreams, healing, father issues, and a plane.

Anthony Cooper. Now there's a character. He just might be the biggest asshole on the show. Ooo! Another Jack / Sawyer scene. I do enjoy these. I think there are specific pairings that both fans and the writers enjoyed. Locke just found Eko's friend in the tree... and Sawyer needs glasses. I see a huge variance between the A and B stories here. But that's okay. Locke's story is enough to warrant a scaled-back B story.

I really hate Cooper. He's such a scumbag. Oh look, a plane. "What is inside of it?" Yemi. Yeah, just Cooper being on screen makes me hate him. He really is a great con artist, but he's a horrible person. Apparently Jack is an eye doctor now too. Kate has no ass.

Poor Boone. I really like that character and was sad when he died. He was just such a simple character... it was refreshing. I was really happy any time he re-appeared on the show. Him and Ethan. Any time Boone or Ethan were on an episode, post-death, it was really neat. Drug smugglers... and an actual priest. Boone found a radio, so now he's going to call Bernard. Once the plane stops a-rockin' that is. Pssht, that's not Bernard. Sounds nothing like him. It's like they hadn't cast the role yet, so they put in a fill-in voice. Oh, the plane crashed... again. It just isn't Boone's lucky day, is it? What with the death and all. Okay, so he's not dead yet, but he's getting there rather quickly thanks to the plane falling off a cliff.

There's Kate's lack of ass again. "Kate, now! Please..." Get that semi-sexy non-ass over here and help me care for almost-dead Boone. Damn you, Cooper!! Maybe if Cooper had been part of the cause of Kate's problems too, I would have cared more about her story. I love both Locke and Sawyer, and how Cooper ties into both of them... but Kate was severely lacking in the Cooper department. Katie needs a wittle Cooper, don't she? Yes she does-e-wuzzies! Sheesha sheesha boo boo... Okay I'm done with the baby talk. That will never happen again, I promise.

...and somewhere, off in the jungle, some time-traveling Losties and a smoke monster disguised as Locke see a beam of light coming from Desmond in the hatch. Funny, the light behind that filthy pane of glass doesn't seem to be strong enough to cast a beam of light into the sky like they saw later on in the series. Oh well, enough nit-picking about that.

s01e20 - Do No Harm

Time to attempt to heal Boone. I remember watching this thinking "Yeah, they wouldn't just kill off Boone. That would be stupid and not normal." Ha! Sawyer thinks Claire likes him. "Sawyer, I need all your alcohol. Now!" I'm fairly certain I am paying far too much attention to my Hitchcock box set and not enough to this movie... but whatever. Hitchcock.

You kind of get the feeling from Sarah's reception speech alone that this marriage is doomed. Her vows are even worse, really. Great, Claire's in labor again. Only this time, she's in denial as well. Good, Jin will help. If only he understood English... He's likely to bring them some KFC. Yeah, I really want KFC. Of course, like a typical female... Shannon's off on a romantic tryst while her brother is bleeding to death. Typical.

One thing you have to give Jack... He really gave his all to try to save Boone. Gave all his blood, that is. [hi-five] "I think your water just broke." Well then get her a new one!! [hi-five] Yeah, I'm on a roll. Come on Boone, you can't even keep a secret when you're dying?! Do you really want to die knowing that you spilled Locke's innermost secrets? "We're here for God knows how long... and so is Boone." Boone is leaving a lot sooner than you'd think, Shannon.

I really need to make some dinner. Is Boone dead yet? He's still alive? Geez... just die already so I can eat!! Yeah, Jack's dad is a great source for marital advice. I think not. Oh, I think off in the bushes somewhere, a time-traveling Sawyer is watching Claire strain and push. There he is! Oh, no that's just Jin. Good, back to the dying guy. This is a pretty gruesome episode, truthfully. "I know you made a promise. I'm letting you off the hook." A moment of clarity for Boone that I always found heartwarming... It's also a line that 2 others have said to Jack throughout the series. Rose said it to Jack earlier, and Sarah says it later in a flashback. Coming up in the past... Yeah, I still haven't figured all that out.

I wonder if Aaron is just Boone reincarnated. My guess would be that they had Aaron born before Boone's actual death for the exact purpose of destroying that possible theory... and he's gone. That scene always gets me a bit choked up, but the one that really hits me is right here, when Jack heads over to inform Shannon. It's the music. It's gotta be the music. I couldn't see the show. I think something got in my eye. Okay, I got it out. Yeah. I'm good.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 4

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e13 - Hearts And Minds

Okay, it's been a bit since I last beefed, but I'm back. Ooo an eye. But whose eye? Boone's eye. RUN'S HOUSE! I think my stereo remote needs new batteries. I think I'll get new batteries while Hurley is pestering Boone about boar. Boone flashback... I like Boone. I also like the hatch. I want to live inside the hatch... it's pretty neat in there, but I'm getting ahead of the show. Hurley wanting to catch fish is a really fun B-story. Or would it be C-story, considering there's now a Jack/Kate thing forcing its way into the episode. Sun has started a garden. Is this the episode where Kate finds out Sun can speak English? I like Sun, but she was wasted through seasons 5 and 6. Oh good, back to the hatch. Locke is stirring up some concoction which he will eventually drug Boone with. Man, Locke is just full of knowledge... How do people not love this man?! Hurley and Jin scenes are fun too. "You just said something mean, didn't you?" Boone wants to tell Shannon about the hatch, and now Locke has beat him over the head...

...and tied him up. Locke always has a plan. Sawyer/Boone crossover in the Sydney police station. Those little crossover bits thrilled me when I first watched this. Yep, there's Sun accidentally revealing that she speaks English. Now Michael and Kate know... Hurley's makeshift flannel net is hilarious. "You're gonna have to pee on my foot, man!" Locke just ran into Sayid and gave him a compass. Apparently Locke knows his way around the jungle well enough that he no longer needs it. Locke tied up Shannon too apparently, as far as Boone believes. Now he thinks they're being chased by the smoke monster... His hallucinatory state is frightening.

One of the earliest hints at the electromagnetic properties of the island, Sayid notices the compass doesn't work right. "At least, I think it's East." I think Boone should just NOT try to help people... it always gets him into trouble somehow. Between Shannon using him, people drowning, or falling off a cliff and dying, he just doesn't have the best luck in being helpful. Jack/Locke scenes are few and far between, but they are the BEST scenes of the whole series... far better than Kate/anyone scenes, that's for sure. "Your wife's hot." Well said, Hurley. "Over the lips, past the gums, yadda yadda... Oh god." Oh yeah, Claire's still gone... Charlie's still all mopey. "Trust him? No offense mate, but if there's one person I would put my absolute faith in to save us all, it would be John Locke." That has always been one of my favourite lines from this show. Now imaginary-Shannon is bitching at Boone. Man, if I had a Shannon in my mind, she's be a lot nicer and far more naked. Uh oh, more smoke monster. I wonder if THAT part is real, or just in his imagination as well... and it's got fake-Shannon.

Now drunk flashback-Shannon is coming on to Boone... and hallucina-Shannon is dead. Poor fake dead Shannon. Oh well. Boone is pissed at Locke, but only for a short bit until Locke explains how drugs work. "Time to let go." No, that's for season 6.

s01e14 - Special

WALT! Michael's looking for Walt... again. Seriously, has anyone counted how many times Michael shouts out Walt's name in this series?? Oh, he's named after Michael's dad... I wonder if Michael shouted "DAD!" a lot as a kid, like Walt does. Aha, Walt is learning how to throw knives. Michael won't be happy about this, for certain. Michael really hates Locke.

These maple cookies are delicious. That loft apartment is really bare. I think that wall needs something more than just bricks. Michael's wife is leaving him and trying to take the kid. "I'm gonna have to take the boy." Sayid and his map... and now Michael and his raft. It did turn out to be a pretty solid raft, I must admit. Aw shit, Michael just got run over by a car. In a flashback, that is... not on the island. Although, there ARE vans on the island, so technically that could have happened. It just didn't.

Charlie wants Claire's diary, but Sawyer has it. "Diary, the little limey runt just won't let up." Shannon's getting jealous of Locke for taking Boone's attention away. Locke is telling Walt to listen to his father, and still Michael gets pissed off at him. Walt's right, Michael IS a jerk. Oh no, he burned the polar bear comic book! Walt is mad and will be summoning a polar bear soon, just like he will have done with the birds in the up-coming flashback. Wait, what tense is that?! Future past tense? He will do it in the past in a little bit... Whatever. Michael may be a jerk, but his ex-wife is really low. She's practically extorting full custody from Michael when he's poor, helpless, and in a wheelchair.

Yeah, take THAT jerk-Michael. I actually do like Michael, but he's aggravating as all get-out. Aw, Charlie's in love with the missing pregnant girl. That sort of thing happened to me once. Okay so it didn't... but it will have happened in the future past flashback coming up! Aha, there's the birds smacking into the door. If anyone hasn't seen the missing piece called "Room 23" it's a great addition to Walt's bird abilities. (Info and link to watch it HERE.) Honestly, I think Walt's magnetic field increases when he's emotionally charged, which could explain things like birds being drawn to him. After all, he's "special" right?

They really do a good job at making Michael's character sympathetic, but he's still annoying with his attitude and constant shouting. Now he has to accept Locke's help to save Walt from the polar bear... Maybe this will help ease his anger towards Locke, but probably not. Aww and Vincent is still missing... again. This scene with the box of letters is a pretty good bonding scene between Michael and Walt. It almost makes up for all the anger and shouting. Charlie noticed something in Claire's diary. Hey, she mentioned the Black Rock... I forgot about that. Oh, and now she's back.

s01e15 - Homecoming

Yes, that's right folks... Claire's back... and she has amnesia!! Now Charlie's trying to flirt with the pregnant amnesiac. This was a pretty good Charlie episode. I like the flashback story of him attempting to clean-up and go straight. Ethan's back, and he just knocked out Jin. Smart move considering how bad-ass Jin turns out to be. Ethan wants Claire back. Charlie and Ethan fighting over Claire. Oh the crazy love triangles on this show.

One of their big plans for security that just simply fails... The Others must be laughing it up, watching them prepare their little traps and alarms. The scene at dinner reveals a bit of vulnerable honesty from Charlie, when he's talking about his band's future. "I think that Drive Shaft might be... dead." Boone fell asleep on the job. Bad Boone. And now Scott's dead. "I guess old Steve drew the short straw." Boone really should stop trying to help. Funny thing is, the guy who died claimed his name was Steve in a prior episode when someone called him Scott. This show has the best funerals. "I'm sorry I kept calling you Steve."

I really do wish things had worked out for Charlie and that Lucy chick. Aside from her wearing the pants in their relationship, she would have been good for him. Oh well, he has a pregnant girl who can't remember him now. The cool island music definitely adds to this "screwing up a work presentation" montage. Yes, because every plan involving guns on this island works out wonderfully.

Jack versus Ethan, round 2. Ethan's still winning. Ah, but Jack has backup. Yeah, great job Charlie. Shoot the prisoner. How did he get so good at shooting anyways? It's hard being an ex-junkie. No one seems to trust you to do anything.

s01e16 - Outlaws

I love a good Sawyer episode. And this is definitely a pretty good one... with the exception of the "I Never" scene with Kate. I think that is one of the worst scenes of this entire series. Sawyer chased a boar into the jungle and now he's hearing whispers. That's never a good thing. I like it when Sayid and Sawyer are civil with each other, almost friendly sometimes even. Oh hey, it's Agent John Doggett. Oh the "Tampa Job". Can you believe there are some fans that still claim the Tampa job is one of the IMPORTANT unexplained mysteries of this show?! Yeah, those people are idiots.

Oh good, Kate is going to try to get the gun back from Sawyer. This ought to prove to be annoying. Charlie and Hurley trying to bury Ethan is great. I really like the dynamic between the two of them. Oh god, the "I Never" scene. This is friggin' moronic, and Kate is pretty much at the peak of annoyance here. Oh thank god THAT's over. Back to the boar hunt. Leave it to Kate to completely miss the point of a parable.

I feel bad for the food truck guy Sawyer kills. He seems like an honestly friendly guy. Of course, it's his talk with Jack's dad that inspires him to go back and shoot the guy. Great job, Christian. Aww the cute little baby boar. I want a pet boar. Oh and of course, he didn't even kill the right guy. "It'll come back around." This wood-cutting scene makes me think ahead to another wood-cutting scene where Sawyer tells Jack about when he met his father. I'm fairly certain Sawyer was the one cutting wood in that scene...

Monday, October 08, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 3

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e09 - Solitary

Alright, I have a cup of Foldgers and some sunflower seeds... Healthy snack ready for more beefing. Sayid is looking at a picture of Nadia, with some scribblings that I'm pretty sure is in a made-up language for this show. Anyone try to translate that!? Now he's digging up the huge cable that leads into the water... so of course, he follows it the other direction. We'll find out where it leads into th water later, but curiosity still would have led me in to find out then. Aww Kate is trying to look pensive and worrisome. Yeah, Jack, don't torture people. Jerk. Sayid is showing off his mad tracking skills by setting off a booby trap... and getting caught.

I love the hypochondriac guy. The show needed more of him. Oh! This is the one with the golf course! Hooray for Hurley! "Things could be worse..." "HOW?!" And now we meet the French chick, torturing Sayid... and jump to Sayid torturing someone else. This was before the whooshes. I've always loved how smoothly this show transitioned between any given language and English just so subtly that you barely even notice. Why that girl looks like Nadia... it IS Nadia. Sayid sproing. Ethan! Ethan is awesome. Hi, I'm Michael and I hate John Locke for no explicable reason.

Rousseau has got herself a pretty neat little shack set up there. I wouldn't mind living in a place like that. I blame her though for the stupid nickname "The Others" ... If I had been on that island, I would have refused to call them that. Yes, Sayid... flirt with the prisoner. That will get her talking. Walt's bored. Gee, with the amount that Michael ignores him, it's no wonder that kid wants to hang out with the cool hunter guy. So Nadia's dead... but she really isn't. Was there a reason for him lying about that? And now Hurley presents the golf course. This is why Hurley outlives everyone: he understands relaxation and de-stressing.

This is another one of those "not much actually happens on this episode" episodes of season 1. I am going to find out what that hypochondriac's name is. I feel like I used to know this... I'll do that while Sayid is fixing a music box. Sullivan. His name is Sullivan. I guess we get a bit of exposition about the French woman on this episode. We get the name Alex, Danielle, and how she crashed... and the sickness. Still, not much actually happens on this episode. And there it is: "The Others" Dude, call them "the natives" at least. The Others is a horrible nickname for a group of people. I think I honestly cringed every time someone called them that on this show. Ooo Shannon in a bikini again! This episode isn't all too bad. "A doctor playin' golf. Whoo, boy howdy, now I've heard everything." Danielle is off to shoot a bear. I can tell by the sound that it's not the smoke monster. Oh now there's a whoosh. Why was there no whoosh before?!? Oh well, whatever. I need more coffee.

Sayid has broken free and now he's rummaging through papers before grabbing a gun and escaping. Oh I'm sorry Walt for being such a horrible dad... Now shut up so I can play golf. Aww Sayid's letting his lady friend go free. He's really a softy at heart, underneath all the layers of torturing. Unfortunately, this will lead him to weeping and being teary-eyed for the rest of the series. From one end of the spectrum to the other. But for now, it's Danielle who's weepy and over-dramatic. "I'll take that action." Fantastic line read there, Kate. You sound like Jake Lloyd. I think Locke should teach everyone how to throw knives. I would watch a show of just that. Sayid is hearing whispers... Creeeeepy.

s01e10 - Raised By Another

Oh hey Claire... Lookin' good, all not-pregnant and stuff. Yes, follow the baby sounds out into the jungle. Brilliant. Locke is messing with Tarot cards... He should stick to the black and white eyes. I think it would make Michael trust him more. Man, Australians have some weird dreams.

So they show the discovering of the pregnancy, but not the conception?! What a rip. "If we wanted to, we could do this." Yeah, I thought doing it was what got you into this mess in the first place. [sarcasm] This show needed more Kate/Jack scenes. I don't think it had nearly enough. [/sarcasm] Now Charlie is kind of just trying to embed himself into her life. But hey, it seems to work eventually. I don't know why that technique never worked for me. The psychic. Despite him coming out as a fraud later to Eko, I still think he actually saw something with Claire... Mostly due to his freaked out reaction. He probably isn't used to it actually working. It was never confirmed nor denied, but I really believe that was possibly the only time anything's actually happened for him.

"He wuz troying to hught moi boy-bee." Oh Scott and Steve. Some of the best extras ever. The biggest unanswered mystery of the show: why is Hurley his nickname? WHY?!?! Thomas is the deadbeat father of the year. He could have at least waited until it was born, geez. I love how frightened Hurley is of Locke. Oh Ethan... Little did we know then who he really was. I like his subtle jab at the fact that no one knows he wasn't on the plane. Jack has horrible bed-side manners. He could have handled that whole "giving Claire the sedatives" thing a lot better. Oh shut up, Charlie.

Man this psychic won't give up on Claire keeping the baby. He should be a motivational speaker or something. Hurley trying to get the manifest from Sawyer is a wonderful scene. "Screw off?" Hurley/Sawyer scenes are kind of rare early on, but they are always great. Oh no! Baby might be coming even though I know it isn't. Get Jack! Man, giving away a baby gets you some good money. I need to give away some babies! I'll be rich! But Claire, think of the money! Yes Ethan is the perfect person to send for Jack. I hope he gets him fast! ...or maybe he'll just come and take Claire away. Whatever.

The psychic knew she'd almost die in a plane crash! Either way, the baby isn't coming now... Of course, neither is Jack. Ethan wasn't on the plane... That was a pretty huge reveal back in the day. Now, it merely serves as a set-up for the next episode.

s01e11 - All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

What?! Ethan wasn't on the plane?!?! Oh wait, I knew that. Locke and his tracking skills. "A Hobbit lay here... and the other." Jack never believes anything. Like a person being dead for instance. No, YOU call it. No, YOU call it. This is when Boone teams up with Locke for the first time. Fine, you don't want me in your party, I'll throw my own! Jack and his father arguing is a running theme in the show, even down to the last episode! "I might not be a warrior, but I am going south!" That gets my vote for quote of the episode. Jack argues with Locke almost as much as he does with his dad.

Technically, Kate and Jack took the correct trail... but whatever, Locke and Boone find a hatch! A box company owned by Hurley, nonetheless. Jack is erratic. I wonder why anyone follows him in anything at all. Sure, guilt your son into saving your career. The greater good. So you lose a few patients here or there because you're drunk off your ass. Ya gotta think of the big picture here.

Now Sayid is afraid of Sawyer. Ha! Serves you right. Of course, Sawyer is awesome and really has no intention of causing any harm. Walt is far too lucky. Man, if only Hurley had given Walt the $20,000 he owed him in the post-series clip. It would have been a better gift than the Apollo bar. Locke's got crazy weather-prediction skills. That sounded like a combination of Claire and the Hurley bird. Ethan is kicking the crap out of Jack. Ethan SMASH!

One thing you have to give Jack, he's pretty strong in his convictions. Sometimes he's a bit too stubborn though, but otherwise, it's a good trait to have. Turning your dad in and killing his career due to your convictions is pretty hardcore, really. Especially to his face. That takes guts. Yet another almost-death for Charlie... He is hanging from a tree. The Island really has it in for that man. Technically, you could chalk this up to an actual death and then resurrection. Cuz that man is pretty gone. Oh he's back now.

I'd say traumatized is a fairly correct state to be in after an experience like that. "No Boone, we're not lost." Yes you are. That's the name of the damn show.

s01e12 - Whatever The Case May Be

Kate's climbing trees again. So what else is new? Oh crap, this is the one with the briefcase, isn't it? Well at least there's a lot of Sawyer. "Me Kate. Me throw rock!" That water does look quite refreshing. I kind of want to go swimming now. Wait, is this the same waterfall slash pond from Cocktail?! God I hope not.

I don't understand how people can open their eyes in normal water, but this murky green water seems like it would be even worse. Oh geez, they're arguing about moving inland again. Good, they're done. Now talk about tides and map translations and equations... what Lost does best. Second only to squabbles between relatives. Thank you, Boone and Shannon, for returning the show back to sibling rivalry. (Oddly, what the show really, truly comes down to.) Oh no, Kate's in the midst of a bank robbery! I hope she survives... Kate is on top of someone again. This happens way too often to be healthy.

Ooo Shannon in a bikini! Also happens too often to be healthy, but I am not complaining. I think Sayid is using "translate papers in French" as a euphemism for sex. Oh Rose... This show suffered from a lack of Rose. She should have been in far more episodes than she was really. Kate is a middle-school student with a growth speed issue, right? Because she sure acts like it. Wait, Kate the criminal is one of the robbers?! Shock!

Oh yeah, this was before anyone but Michael knew about Sun's language ability. I think it was the raft-burning episode that brings that to light. Charlie is kind of cynical... and Rose is just about the perfect person to talk to him right now. "Maybe I should have died." I've thought that this whole time. Charlie is/was supposed to die. Digging up the marshal... Nothing stays buried on this island for long. Back to the bank robbery. Now back to corpse digging upping. I'm glad Jack didn't fall for her sleight-of-hand. Things like that make me like Jack more. He ain't no fool. Well, not much of one at least.

"The sea of silver sparkles that change." Makes perfect sense to me. Threatening to withhold medication from a patient in order to get something from him... Great doctoring there Jack. I'm sure there's something in the Hippocratic oath about that. I think the guy from St. Tropez's kid hated you because you probably broke up his parents' marriage, Shannon.

Anyways, I think this episode is when I officially didn't like (or care about) Kate at all. All this unnecessary drama and nonsense for a little toy plane. Drags tons of people in, occasionally causing them to die, just for the sake of her having that little toy that belonged to a guy she thinks she loved (but used and caused the death of)... What a selfish, moronic, immature bitch.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 2

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e05 - White Rabbit

Okay here we go. I have an entire loaf of home-made bread, and I am watching a little kid get beaten up. I swear I've seen that kid playing Jack on something else recently... Maybe it was this. And now we get the first non-crash-related death of the show. Joanna? I think her name is Joanna, but I'll find out soon enough. First, Jack needs to save Boone from trying to save Joanna. He's so useful, that Boone. (Poor Boone.) Aww man, I'm on my last piece of beef jerky.

Boone is consistently jealous of Jack for being an actual hero or whatever... Yep, Joanna. I was right... as always. Aaaaand Jack is losing his mind. This guy looked much more like the actual Christian Shephard than the guy in the previous episode. Oops, I am getting bread crumbs on my keyboard. I think Sawyer wants to bang Shannon. But who wouldn't on that island, am I right people? Hi-five! Wow, these early episodes were actually very slow-moving. Claire and Kate are currently discussing astrology. And the first time someone calls Jack "brother" is from Hurley. Oh no! No water!! Whatever will they do?! Sorry Jack, but you kind of accepted the leadership role when you started calling the shots a few episodes ago. You can't go complaining about it now. "A couple guys jumped Mark Silverman." I think that line sums up the entire series. Christian Shephard is such a great father. Telling his son that he doesn't have what it takes. I hope someday I can belittle my children like that. Oh great, now Boone is chewing Jack out. These people are needy. Yeah, I'd stare off into the distance too if Boone was shouting in my face. I'd say that's an appropriate response, really.

Man, I really hate it when bread is soft and butter is hard. Perhaps I should melt the butter... and toast the bread. Ooo! I could make garlic bread!! Oh yeah, the show. Now Jack's mother is chewing him out. Maybe they should have named this episode "In Which Jack Gets Shat On, Metaphorically"... This butter tastes weird. I think it isn't good. Blech. Okay, just plain bread for me. Oh no! Someone stole the water!! Well, the little remaining water. I think Jack should shout "What do you want from me!?" like Jennifer Love Hewitt did in that movie. You know, like a shout-out to her or something. WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!? I say Hillshire, you say Farms... Hillshire! ..... GO MEAT!!

I think the director was trying to get an up-skirt on Jack, but he was wearing pants. It didn't work. Once again, Locke saves the day. I really don't get why anyone on this island doesn't trust Locke. Aww Charlie is flirting with the pregnant girl again. Honestly, I can't say I'd be doing much different... Aside from just hanging out with Locke or Hurley, of course. They want to see Sawyer's hole?! Eww gross. I really get annoyed when people spell "ew" with an extra e, like "ewe"... That's a sheep, morons. Oh, Kate is on top of someone again. Big surprise. "And hell, I'm an optimist." Wait, I have garlic bread in my freezer... I can save the fresh bread and make the frozen garlic bread stuff. Glad I remembered that. Scenes between Jack and Locke are always some of the best scenes of the entire show. I could just watch the two of them for hours. Locke is going on about how special this island is. "But I've looked into the eye of this island, and what I saw was beautiful." There, that's the line that makes me think old Smokey showed him a vision of the light cave.

I suppose I should wrap up my bread for now... I'll just let the show continue while I do. Oh sure, Jack, cry it up. Ahhh, apparently Jack's dad's ghost has a drink with him on the island too. Enter the cave. I think that's where I'd stay on the island too... In fact, aside from production reasons, I don't know why anyone ever bothered to abandon it. Chrissy is kinda cute. I tried Jack's speech at the airport once, but it didn't work to get me into first class. What a let down.

Ah so it was Boone all along who had the water! And now we get the famous speech... "If we can't live together, we're gonna die alone." Man, Kate just grabs onto that phrase and repeats it so much it makes everyone wish Jack had never said. She's like the Britta of LOST. She's the worst.

s01e06 - House Of The Rising Sun

Yeah, what IS the story behind Jack's tattoos? I really hope they devote an entire reeeally bad episode to that story. I like Sun; she's pretty. I agree with anyone who says that Jin and Sun are the best couple on the show. Following close behind is Juliet and Sawyer, and in third is Charlie and his heroin. Oh good, more hitting.

I wish I could remember what I just went to Google for. I was going to look up something... but what? Maybe I'll remember later. Yeah, that cave is pretty awesome. I'd make it my home. Ugh, I hate bees, and I am also very much allergic. Man, if only Jin knew the English word "watch"... Honestly, the fact that Jin doesn't even know a couple English words is rather unbelievable to me. But hey, it's a show. Alright, back to the bees. Aaaaand Kate is in her bra again. Typical Kate. Ooo skeletons!

They've now found the bodies of the Guardian lady ("mother") and Samuel ("the man in black")... "Our very own Adam and Eve." That's a cute little outfit Sun is wearing there. Aww puppy!! I want a puppy. Good to see Jack knows math. Oh crap, Michael is accidentally teaching his son racism. Poor Michael... I always felt bad for him. Jin covered in blood is a great example of how perspective makes every little difference.

Oh great, Kate and Jack are trying to flirt again. Geez, they're like horny little teenagers... only worse. Oh, I guess Kate was trying to flirt. Jack was just thinking about water. Yeah, that sounds about right. Locke knows about Drive Shaft, as he does about everything else in the universe. I really do enjoy these early Locke/Charlie encounters. Really, just anything with Locke is great. Sayid and his fire... I never understood why 2 camps was such an incomprehensible issue with these people. It's not like there aren't enough people. It's like they just WANT to be divisive.

So now Michael knows that Sun speaks English. The weight of this secret will drive him to drinking heavily and eventually suicide. Okay, it will drive him to set Jin free and give him back the watch. I was close. John Locke's Drug Rehabilitation and Button Pressing Program. They act like several people heading to live in a cave is a big break-up that can't be reconciled. Sometimes I think these early seasons were spent just trying hard to create drama where it didn't exist... which I think is why I personally enjoy the last 3 seasons more than the first 3. Do it, Sun! Leave your husband and come to me! Oh fine, I guess you two are good together. Whatever.

Hurley has the weirdest variety of music...

s01e07 - The Moth

One of the few episodes lacking a "Previously On..." segment. Charlie's rehab episode. Kate is bitching at Jack again... as always. Yes, Charlie, Locke typically sounds like a large hog of some sort. Pimping his band to a priest. Classy. Looking back an episode, I am not sure if I should count Charlie standing on the bee hive as an almost-death. He IS highly allergic... Oh well, I will count that and the boar attack as one combined almost-death instead. Two halves make a whole.

Oh yes, the antenna triangle. I remember this. Kate sucks at being convincing. Actually she sucks at everything. She's the worst. Diazepam to you too, Jack. "You're the rock god, baby brother." Wow, he IS a rock god! He shouted and the rocks moved and caved in around Jack... The rocks did his bidding. Also, Charlie almost died... again.

Gee, thank you for pointing out how unbelievable this show's premise is, Sayid. I almost was able to ignore that until you just mentioned it. "I'm Steve." "I'm Scott." Good old Scott and Steve. Of course, Boone thinks that Shannon is the most reliable person to leave the bottle-rocket task to. I can't help but feel that Drive Shaft is a blatant Oasis rip-off. I wonder what makes me think that. I wonder if those guys have sued each other lately. The sad truth is that Michael doesn't really know anything about construction, "load-bearing" is just the only thing he knows, and he tossed that word out to make himself sound smart. There, I just revealed the big mystery of LOST. Yeah, I really don't get why anyone dislikes Locke.

Kate: She climbs trees. I think that's on her business cards. She runs a professional tree-climbing service... for all your tree-climbing needs. She doesn't get much business. Uh oh, Sawyer just leaked that Jack got caught in a cave-in... and she's off! Did Liam just say "Pez off"?? I think he did... and because of that, Charlie is now hooked on the drugs. I blame Pez. And Charlie almost dies, yet again... only more this time. The rocks are rebelling against his rule.

Oh good, Kate's here to save the day. I wonder if Boone is jealous of Charlie too, considering Charlie actually does help people at times. Don't blame your brother, Charlie. Blame Pez. Moths infest this episode. I guess that's why they called it "The Moth"... Sweet jeans, I'm astute. I hope Kate feels like she wasted all that time and effort trying to dig them out... because she did. Wow, I'm surprised Shannon remembered what to do at all. Yeah, I feel like hitting Sayid in the head every so often too.

I am kind of hungry. Maybe after the next episode I will make some food. Garlic bread and a pork chop sounds like a good meal. Now Walt and Michael are going to live in the cave... across from Sun and Jin. Wait, Kate acts like she has never been to the caves. What about the water collection and bra-running?! She was there when Jack decided to "bring the people to the water." ... She's the worst. In fact, I am going to blame her for Charlie's drug addiction now instead of Pez.

s01e08 - Confidence Man

Couldn't either Jack and/or Sawyer find ANY better woman to pine after than Kate?! What about that tall blonde chick in the blue stripes? Seriously, out of about 45 people, they both gravitate to the needy, co-dependent, scrawny, annoying girl. "You weren't exactly supposed to see that." Oh good, the inhaler. It's funny how many fans grabbed onto the "What happened to the inhaler?" question as one of the "important" mysteries of the show.

Ooo water sounds good. I love how their two choices on trying to get an inhaler from Sawyer are "Send Kate" and "torture him"... Yeah, I'm sure there were no other options there. Yeah, Kate reeeeally does suck at trying to persuade someone. Sawyer's letter is one of the better sub-stories in the show, in my opinion.

Now Locke on the other hand... There is a person who is incredible at persuasion. Kate could learn a thing or two from him, if she knows how to learn anything at all. I wonder if I was the only person who thought the first time around that they never actually proved that Sawyer ever even had the inhalers. Here they are just assuming he has them, but he never said he had them. These people are far from civil. So is it a stereotype that Australians don't like peanut butter?? I have never heard that. Yeah, see... There's no need to torture Sawyer. You can calm Shannon down by talking to her.

Poor Hurley... It's not easy being fat, I'm sure. And to have someone pestering you for food surely doesn't help. See, even Sun knows how to help Shannon without torturing someone. Oh fine, or you can torture Sawyer. Whatever. I really think this just made me like Sawyer even more, really... Enduring all of this without even having what they want. He's a badass. The guy Sawyer is playing pool with in the flashback... His name is Kilo. Don't ask how I know that. Oh crap, I need to do dishes before I can make dinner. Oh well. Ha! Take THAT Kate. You kissed him for nothing! Hey, you can't get mad at Sawyer... You're all the ones who assumed that he even had it in the first place. Morons.

Oh good, and now you nearly killed him. You people are smart... and all the while Sun is actually helping the girl who can't breathe. "You're lucky to be alive." ...considering we tortured and almost killed you for no reason. Yeah sure, blame the innocent guy you accused and found guilty based on your own assumptions with no proof. Am I the only person who thinks Sawyer is the only truly sane person in this episode?

And while all this needless, senseless violence is going on, the hot Asian chick has healed the sick girl in a casual, calm, reasonable... not to mention obvious fashion. Way to go Jack at being a doctor. Yeah, don't get your hopes up, preggo. He didn't actually find any real peanut butter. You don't owe him anything. Great, now I want milk. Although I think I could happily go my entire life without hearing someone pretend to eat peanut butter. Yeah, you'd better feel bad, Sayid. You're an idiot. And I hope you've helped make Kate feel bad about herself. She should. She's the worst.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 1

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my ramblings. Thank you.

s01e01 - Pilot (Part 1)

Alright here we go with the LOST re-watch. Holy crap! An eye!! I just scrolled back to hyphenate "re-watch"... I have seen this episode way too many times. By all technicalities, I should just skip forward to season 4 and pick up there. But I am committed to this thing, so here I go. I wish I could wake up in a bamboo jungle... with a mini bottle of vodka. Okay, so no mini bottle of vodka. Perhaps some Dr Pepper. There's the iconic white shoe, and now Jack is out of the jungle... Screaming. Is it wrong that I am making the engine noises along with the show? Yeah, I've definitely seen this far too many times. I wonder if there's a way to turn off auto-complete in this text editor I am using. Why the hell is the engine even working?! There, auto-complete off. I'd much rather have spell check than auto-complete. I wonder why I hyphenated auto-complete and not spell check. Hmm... Am I the only one who thought they went a little over-board on Claire's pregnant look? And there goes Gary Troup. And yes, I know the name of the guy who got sucked into the engine... but at least it's off. Poor Boone; all he wants to do is help, but he's so inept at it. "Does anyone have any pens?!" "Move! Move! Move!" Why did the wing explode?! This show is far too unrealistic! I should charge my phone. There, it's plugged in.

Typical doctor, running off to inspect his wounds in private. That's a stereotype, right? I wonder what those tattoos mean! God, I hate that episode... Jack meets Kate, the start of one of TV's most boring and annoying romances. I really dislike Kate. Have I mentioned that yet? No?? Well, I am sure to many times over the next few seasons. Sawyer!! Now him, I like. Yeah, HUGE pregnancy belly... I think she's having quadruplets. Is my spell checker even working? Okay, I looked up "quadruplet" and I had spelled it correctly. While Jack rambles on about fear and numbers, let me spell it wrong and see if spell check works... quedrouplet. Yeah, no, nothing. Hmm... I am turning that off. Oh, I had to turn it on first. Done. Now it's underlined in red! Shannon... the "hot" girl on the island. Personally, I think Sun is hotter... "I'll eat on the rescue boat." Now I'm hungry, but I have to wait for the rescue boat. I guess Claire's hungry too. And this is where Hurley started being in charge of the food. Poor Hurley. WAAAAALT! Oh, too soon. Sorry. I'd totally let Sun un-button her shirt. Oops, accidentally typed "shit"... That sentence would have been a lot weirder that way. No Jack, you "African-Americaned out"... Keep it PC, man. "It's not on the beach... neither is the tail." I dunno Jack, I see some pretty good tail here on the beach, hi-five?! No? Okay... Yes Walt, Vincent the dog is knocking trees over and making a loud dinosaurish noise. Very astute.

Alright, here we go with the first flashback. This must have been neat the first time around. Why does Cindy look so different from how we see her later, and I am not just talking about the dirt and stuff... She actually just looks different. And there goes Charlie. I got distracted by the show... forgot to type. And now the plane is crashing and people are being tossed about the cabin. And the BIGGEST unanswered question: Why did the smoke monster sound familiar to Rose? This show sucks now! Oh man, I love Locke. I loved him from the moment he just did that orange smile thingy. My biggest fear in a crash like this would be not having sunglasses. I wouldn't be able to see a thing. I really like the DS on Charlie's ring as coming from the band name, not some Dexter Stratton or whatever it was... That "reason" is so contrived and stupid. Backwards, that's what it is... I'd much rather it be from the Finland tour. And the dog watches on. Man, Locke is awesome. I would have hung out with that guy from day 1. I will never understand why people feel they need to hide from rain... unless it's acid rain, which this doesn't seem to be. I'm sorry... I like twelve-year-old boys like the rest of you, but Kate really doesn't have much of a figure. Little do they know, Charlie is actually a technological genius and is just pretending to not know what a transceiver is! That would have been a nice flashback idea. Crap, I knocked over my root beer bottle. Luckily is was empty. Unluckily as well, I have no more root beer. "Charlie's fine by the way..." Why did it take so long for the pilot to wake up? That timing was a little too perfect... Like it's a TV show or something. This show sucks now! Dakota Fanning is a bit weird-looking. Oh sorry, got distracted by the interwebs. Oooo the smoke monster noise again! I think I was one of maybe a few people who was rooting for the smoke monster from season one(1) all the way through to the end of season six(6). Go Smokey! Aaaand the pilot is over... I mean dead. I still have another hour or so of the pilot, but the pilot is still dead and won't be on the rest of the pilot. Alright I'll stop that. Run!!! Sometimes I wish it HAD been dinosaurs, and they would have been a million times cooler than Terra Nova. Why? Two words: Abrams.

Kate became co-dependent on Jack VERY early on. Okay, I'm not a huge fan of Kate, but I still would never complain about her pouncing on me and straddling me like she just did to Charlie. Just sayin'... Rain just comes and goes so quickly around here. "I'm Charlie by the way." Oh and for the record, Charlie has almost died twice already in this one episode alone. First when the flaming engine of death almost landed on him, and once when he tripped running from the smoke monster. Aww, the dead body of the pilot. And I guess it's on to part 2.

s01e02 - Pilot (Part 2)

And the second flashback of the series is for Charlie... About his "almost deaths", I am going to point out as many as I can during this re-watch. That Charlie had to die has always been a belief of mine. I've actually maintained that theory from the very start of the show. It's probably one of the first things I really noticed about the series. How did Charlie get from the very forward lavatories all the way back to the middle of the plane in such a short time? He was up with the cockpit, yet he lands with the rest of the center-section people?! This show sucks now! And an almost-death by a food cart. Not sure if that counts, but still... That kid almost dies a lot on this show.

Shannon found a bikini. I have no complaints about that. Oooo Sun was showing some skin! Button that top button, you tramp! WALT! ...and so THAT begins. I wonder if anyone has ever counted how many times Michael shouts Walt's name over the course of the series. I am not going to, because I'm too lazy... but someone should. Just not me. Handcuffs... I bet they're Kate's. Oh wait, I know that already. I keep forgetting I've seen this before a gazillion times over. "What is this?" "I just found it." Walt has a knack for not answering questions. For someone who despises being in charge, Jack seems to dive right into the role as often as he possibly can. Oh god, Kate, just shut up. You're not tough, so stop trying to sound tough. Lardo! They should have made LOST in 3-D... Okay that was a horrible idea. Forget I said it. Woo! Kate in her undies! Oh wait, no figure... I almost forgot that it's not that appealing. Does she have some huge scar under her armpit, or is that a seam?? Holy shit, she's a robot!! And now she's gearing up for yet another trek into the jungle. That's actually one of the least annoying aspects of Kate's character. If anything, it adds some depth to her... but not much. I miss you, root beer. Oh don't worry Jack, Kate's good at running.

Man, this was way back when everyone thought Jin was a heartless S.O.B. asshole of a husband... Then we eventually saw HIS flashbacks and realized that Sun was a cheating selfish bitch. Then we saw more of both of their flashbacks and realized that there was just no communication in their marriage, and we (the viewers) just hadn't seen the whole picture. That's a pretty fair metaphor for the show. "Do you read Spanish?" "No, I found it." Great lack of answer, Walt. Charlie and his heroin... The greatest love story of the show. Aww, poor little Shannon is having a breakdown. She looked really weird in Twilight... She and Dakota Fanning both look really weird in that series. Okay, back to LOST. I think everyone should go on the hike. Sawyer's got the right idea; everyone is going on the hike. Hmm, Google Chat just kicked me offline. Oh there, I'm back. Just in time for the trekking musical theme! I love all the variations of this tune. Gonna take a moment to sing along as they climb. Okay there, done. Turns out Walt is actually eleven(11), and Michael got it wrong both times. Plot twist! Locke is right, backgammon is a far better game than checkers. Backgammon is older than Jesus... Well then why aren't we worshiping backgammon!??! This show sucks now! Poor Jin, always having to feel pregnant women's bellies... Or is it just that one time? Whatever, Sawyer and Sayid are arguing again. And here comes the bear. Wait, it's not just a bear... It's a polar bear.

I really don't know what Jack was thinking when he asked Hurley to help with removing the shrapnel. There are plenty of other survivors that even just seem more competent in situations like these. Bear village... Now that would be a fun place to visit. "Guess what! I just shot a bear!" That's my favourite line of the whole pilot. Oh goody, some Kate flashbacks. Oh my gosh! Kate was the one in handcuffs! How expected!! I would like some more juice. I like-a da juice. The behind-the-scenes featurette showing a suitcase being hurled repeatedly at the marshal's head is what I think of every time I see this. Or was it just an interview? Either way, it's what I think of. "We should keep moving." Good idea... On with the show. They've got a bar! I'm with Sawyer on this; Sayid is just making this up as he goes. The French! Well this just sounds like a fun island to be stranded on! Let's play golf! 16 years... So, 1988 then. "Guys, where are we?"

s01e03 - Tabula Rasa

I really have seen these episodes so many times, I am quoting along with the "previously on" bits without even looking at the screen. I want a Klondike bar. Luckily, I have two(2) left, unlike root beer, which I am out of. I miss you, root beer. I'm back with a Klondike bar. Kate's dangerous?! How could a cute little chubby-- Okay, scrawny. How could a cute-- Okay, I'll rephrase. How could a scrawny girl like Kate be dangerous?! Freckles. I doubt that nickname will stick... And now Hurley knows about Kate's little secret. Truthfully, I am shocked that he's able to keep that a secret as long as he does. By the time they build the raft, people still seem to be unaware. "I don't go on marches." Entrusting Kate with the gun is like entrusting Hurley with the food... Oh. Yeah, these people are all idiots. Oh joy, more Kate flashbacks. I have a feeling I will be browsing the interwebs more during this episode... Yes, I'm biased.

A lot of this so far is just summing up what happened in the pilot. Typical of a TV show, but boring to me. The hi-def image is quite good. Stronger drugs? Man, if only someone had some heroin to help out... Yeah, this shot of the fuselage looks incredible on my TV. Nice. Aww Charlie is flirting with Claire. The start of one of the few likable couples on the show. Interesting juxtaposition from Charlie helping Claire with her bag, cut to Sun dragging a bag she hopes is Jin's to him. I love how scared of Kate Hurley is. Oh no! Rain! Quick everyone! Hide from the water!! "Everyone deserves a fresh start." Except you, Kate. Now choke! Ooo, Patsy Cline...

I think Michael's jealous of Mr. Locke. Walt wanted it to stop raining, and it stopped raining. Walt's special. Sun topless... Michael is a lucky man to have seen that. Knowing that the writers were originally planning a Sun/Michael romance, scenes like this seem kind of forced in and awkward... Well, more awkward than they are, that is. Jack is doing a great job at doctoring that man who is screaming nonstop. And now more of the same flashbacks for Kate we've already seen 30 times. It wasn't Kate! It was Sawyer all along! Plot twist!! Hurley, Locke and Sawyer are three(3) characters I loved from the start. Even when they fail at shooting someone to death at point blank range, they still can do no wrong. Wow, I typed "black ranger"... I've watched too much Power Rangers. Yeah, Locke is just awesome. I don't understand the Locke-haters. In fact, I don't know why Michael continues to have a problem with him, even after he found Vincent for him. "Three days ago, we all died." ...but not literally. Why did they even put that line in there? They should have known it would have caused annoying confusion. This little musical montage is pretty much when the show solidified itself in pop culture.

s01e04 - Walkabout

Back to the wreckage (again)... but this time with a focus on a Mr. John Locke. Man, I love that guy. How do they even expect you to sign your name on the back of a credit card?! It's too slick. Either it gets rubbed off completely, or it just smears all over the place. Perhaps they should re-think that. Okay, sorry... Back to the show. A boar! Shoot it!! I'm with Jack in this "burn the bodies" thing. Burn em all! I liked Sayid so much more in these earlier seasons than later when he got all teary-eyed and whimpery. Oh now why are Hurley and Sawyer fighting? Oh... food. What?! The food is all gone?! Man if only there was boar on this island. And out come Locke's knives! Colonel Locke... and Randy Nations asking for TPS reports. I think after this, I am going to go buy some more root beer. Yeah, that's some great English-to-Korean translation there, Michael. Also, that hand-signal for "OK" means something very, very different and dirty in Asian cultures. Congratulations. Charlie and heroin: easily persuaded by flirting. Rose.. She's another character I have always liked. I'll admit that while the flashbacks and twist in this episode are incredible, the boar-hunting and most of the on-island stuff is pretty laid-back and uneventful. It's still enjoyable though! Hmm, I'm half-way through the episode and I haven't written quite as much as the prior episodes. Not sure if that's because I've been caught up watching, or if I just have less to say. Oh well, back to watching! Norman Croucher. Randy's a dick. And the first appearance of "Don't tell me what I can't do." Hooray! Followed closely by the phrase's second appearance.

Ha! I love Hurley and Charlie trying to fish. They make a good team. Oh good, now both Sawyer AND Sayid can mope over their respective letters. I love how calm Rose is. At least someone on this island is calm. Locke on the phone with "Helen"... the 900-number version of Helen, that is. Poor Locke. He really had the worst happen to him in his life, out of all the survivors. Kate climbing trees. Is there anything this girl can't do! Smoke monster! No Kate, not Locke... Smoke monster. Locke is the first of them all to come face-to-face with the smoke monster. In hindsight, I think old Smokey showed Locke a vision of the light cave from season 6, considering Locke said what he saw was "beautiful"... or whatever. I think he used the phrase "heart of the island" too... but I could be wrong. We'll get to it when we get to it.

Poor Charlie, allowing Shannon to use him for a fish. Typical of girls, always wanting fish. That's a stereotype, right?! Rose thinks her husband isn't dead. How cute! Jack just saw a man in a dark suit that we later know is supposed to be his dad... Only on close inspection, it really doesn't look anything like Christian Shephard as we know him. I wonder if it was even the same actor, or just a stand-in until they cast the role. Oh no! Locke is dead, maybe! Only not... Yeah, here he is, pulling a boar. And no, that's not a euphemism.

"I guess she was gonna catch a connecting flight. She wore corrective lenses? And she was an organ donor... or at least would have been." LOST always has the best funerals. And here's Charlie with his heroin again. Those two are cute together. I hope it works out for them. I think this might be the calmest and most still Jack will be for just about the rest of the series... Just sitting on the beach in the dark. From here on out, he'll be running around trying to do everything. And here comes the big reveal... Locke was in Australia the whole time!! Plot twist!!! This show sucks now! "Don't tell me what I can't do!"

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Live-Beefing Lost

So, LOST... again... Yes. Up yours; I'm doing it.  I have owned the blu-ray box set since it was released, but I've only watched through it once and on a standard definition television to make matters less nerdy.  So I have decided to perform yet another re-watch of LOST, this time on the hi-def TV I've been in possession of for the past year and a half.  Why not?

I'll tell you why not: I've watched LOST more times than I really desire to count.  I've watched between seasons as I waited for the next to start, I watched seasons 1-5 with my sister as season 6 aired, I watched the entire thing all the way through at least 4 times since it ended... Hell, I've even watched the chronological edit a couple of times.

But I won't let that stop me.

How is this different than any of your prior re-watches?

Aside from the definition of my television, I will be blogging about the re-watch.

Alright, fine... but how will that work?

Originally, I was considering an in-depth analysis-based blog thing, complete with observations and theories and little spoilery tid-bits tying all the little bits and pieces together... complete with "I've seen all this and know how things end." hindsight.  But I won't be doing that.

Why not? What WILL you be doing?

Don't interrupt me.  I've decided to do my own form of "liveblogging" for my re-watch blog.

What the hell is "Liveblogging"???

Liveblogging is normally a blog, written live (crazy, huh?) during an event or show, that updates as you go... usually with time-stamps and a form of rolling refresh. Read more at Wikipedia.

However, I won't be doing it quite like that.

Then how can you call it "Liveblogging"?

I can't. Instead I am calling it "Live-Beefing" to keep with my persona and theme.

Okay, fine. What is "Live-Beefing" then, and how is it even remotely similar to liveblogging?

Boy, aren't you indignant.  Live-Beefing will consist of me writing (typing, really) out my thoughts, ideas, and observations on each individual episode while I watch... It will happen in a very similar fashion to how people write their liveblogs, only instead of time-stamps, I will simply leave it all in paragraphical form.  Much like I am doing here, only I have a feeling my sentences will be even more fragmented and my thoughts even more random and disjointed.

I will then proceed to post the whole thing in one big lump, most likely including 3-4 episodes in one post... that being how many episodes are on each disc.

So you'll watch one disc at a time, type out whatever odd thoughts you have while watching, and then post that as your blog?!

Yes. That about sums it up.

Why didn't you just say that to start with, instead of dragging this whole thing out!?

I wanted a longer post.

Is there any other part of this you want to tell me about before I start ignoring you again?

Well, I am sure there will be some spoilers, but I will post warnings at the start of each entry... and I think I may sumarize my thoughts on each disc at the end of every post.  I'm pretty much going to make it all up as I go along.

Alright, that sounds stupid.

Indeed it does, but it also seemed like the easiest way to both re-watch one of my all-time favourite television series and blog about it... without it becoming too much of a chore or too time-consuming.  That's my main goal in all this: to enjoy the show and still find a way to enjoy blogging about it.

Well, I guess that makes sense.

Good. I'll probably have the first post up in a few weeks, after my family comes to visit me.  It's been great explaining all of this, and if anyone has any thoughts or questions or anything to say (related to this post and my plan), feel free to comment here!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The X-Files-Re-Watch-A-Thon 2012

Whelp, I've just finished re-watching the entire series (9 seasons, 2 movies) of The X-Files (as implied by this post's title), and here are a few thoughts and observations. (--SPOILER ALERT--)

First, let me say that it's been at least five(5) years since I've last watched the series all the way through, perhaps even longer... and it was well before the second film ever came about.  My memories of the show were mostly from watching the original broadcasts, as I think I really only watched my DVD's entirely once.

"So how did it stand up to time?" you ask.  Quite well, actually.  Even the earlier seasons with the horribly fuzzy video quality still stand up against most anything around now.  The writing was strong from the start, and it stayed just as strong (if not stronger) through the entire series.  The production was as incredible as technology really allowed and got better as new techniques were developed.  Occasionally, early on, there were some iffy alien effects, one even being stop-motion if I recall correctly.  That was a bit dumb... but in all, it holds up better than most anything else from the 90's.

I noticed very quickly that the ground-work for the entire mythology was laid out within the first few episodes of the first season.  If they knew exactly what their plans were for the greater over-arcing story early on, then they did a fantastic job in setting it all up.  If they didn't know until later, then they did an amazing job at tying in all the early stuff.  Watching the series with the benefit of hindsight, the whole series flows and progresses just perfectly and flawlessly.

I don't care what anyone says, I HATE that damn blasted Cher episode. Worst of the whole series.  I remembered detesting it back when it aired, and I hoped that maybe I'd find a new appreciation on my re-watch... but no.  I think I hate it even more now than I did back then.

The first movie was pretty good, but I honestly have to say that I like the second one more.  A lot of people complain about the post-series film because it wasn't big, explosive, or filled with aliens... but I think it was just perfect the way it was.  I think most of the dissatisfied people just haven't watched the whole series in a long time and only remember that there were aliens, forgetting absolutely everything else that made the show what it was.  The "focus" on aliens may have been what glued the show together, like mortar in a wall of bricks, but the essence of the show as a whole was more similar to the second film than the first... especially when the series is watched start to finish.

Many people also deride the last two(2) seasons because "Mulder wasn't in them" .... Actually, I've heard people claim that Mulder wasn't in the last three seasons.  They are wrong.  He was in every season up through the end of seven(7) and was in half (sporadically) of season eight(8).  Even in the season 8 episodes Mulder wasn't in, his presence was constantly felt, as he was constantly being searched for or referenced.  During season nine(9) however, he was gone... until the very end of course.  In short, Mulder's absence from the series as a whole was very slight and minimal... and is very easy to get over when not watching week-to-week.

Due to Mulder's absence, fans also hated on Agent John Doggett.  This had nothing whatsoever to do with the character or actor, aside from the simple fact that he wasn't Mulder.  This is stupid.  Not only did Agent Doggett fit very, very well within the X-Files universe, but I actually find it hard to think of him not being there.  He was a great character that never once tried to actually replace Mulder.  Hell, half the time Doggett was trying to find Mulder, and the other half was spent trying to come to terms with Mulder's work... but he wasn't a ringer, wasn't a tag-along, and wasn't a horrible character. He was however a fantastic and under-appreciated character of which fans need to re-assess their opinion.

Sein und Zeit and Closure (a two-parter) make up some of the best and most emotional hours of television I have ever seen. Pretty much the entire episode(s), I was choked up... and I'll admit I teared up quite a bit when Mulder embraced the ghost/spirit of his sister.  That scene alone is heart-wrenching and comparable with the famous "I'll find you, Penny" scene from LOST (The Constant) on levels of pure emotional magnitude.

To finish up, I'd just like to state that they not only laid out the mythology very well, but they also closed it all up just as well.  Even before Mulder's "disappearance", they perfectly tied up almost everything for his personal journey... leaving just enough open for the series ending.  Even Agent Doggett's personal story was able to find his own sense of closure before the finale... and the "...but I'd like to know how Mulder and Scully fared after the end!" plea was brought to light with the somewhat unexpected film "I Want To Believe" seven(7) years later.

Well, that about wraps it up for my Re-Watch-A-Thon... soon, I will re-tackle Supernatural.  But for now, I leave you with a short video montage of my favourite episode from The X-Files.