Monday, September 24, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 2

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e05 - White Rabbit

Okay here we go. I have an entire loaf of home-made bread, and I am watching a little kid get beaten up. I swear I've seen that kid playing Jack on something else recently... Maybe it was this. And now we get the first non-crash-related death of the show. Joanna? I think her name is Joanna, but I'll find out soon enough. First, Jack needs to save Boone from trying to save Joanna. He's so useful, that Boone. (Poor Boone.) Aww man, I'm on my last piece of beef jerky.

Boone is consistently jealous of Jack for being an actual hero or whatever... Yep, Joanna. I was right... as always. Aaaaand Jack is losing his mind. This guy looked much more like the actual Christian Shephard than the guy in the previous episode. Oops, I am getting bread crumbs on my keyboard. I think Sawyer wants to bang Shannon. But who wouldn't on that island, am I right people? Hi-five! Wow, these early episodes were actually very slow-moving. Claire and Kate are currently discussing astrology. And the first time someone calls Jack "brother" is from Hurley. Oh no! No water!! Whatever will they do?! Sorry Jack, but you kind of accepted the leadership role when you started calling the shots a few episodes ago. You can't go complaining about it now. "A couple guys jumped Mark Silverman." I think that line sums up the entire series. Christian Shephard is such a great father. Telling his son that he doesn't have what it takes. I hope someday I can belittle my children like that. Oh great, now Boone is chewing Jack out. These people are needy. Yeah, I'd stare off into the distance too if Boone was shouting in my face. I'd say that's an appropriate response, really.

Man, I really hate it when bread is soft and butter is hard. Perhaps I should melt the butter... and toast the bread. Ooo! I could make garlic bread!! Oh yeah, the show. Now Jack's mother is chewing him out. Maybe they should have named this episode "In Which Jack Gets Shat On, Metaphorically"... This butter tastes weird. I think it isn't good. Blech. Okay, just plain bread for me. Oh no! Someone stole the water!! Well, the little remaining water. I think Jack should shout "What do you want from me!?" like Jennifer Love Hewitt did in that movie. You know, like a shout-out to her or something. WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!? I say Hillshire, you say Farms... Hillshire! ..... GO MEAT!!

I think the director was trying to get an up-skirt on Jack, but he was wearing pants. It didn't work. Once again, Locke saves the day. I really don't get why anyone on this island doesn't trust Locke. Aww Charlie is flirting with the pregnant girl again. Honestly, I can't say I'd be doing much different... Aside from just hanging out with Locke or Hurley, of course. They want to see Sawyer's hole?! Eww gross. I really get annoyed when people spell "ew" with an extra e, like "ewe"... That's a sheep, morons. Oh, Kate is on top of someone again. Big surprise. "And hell, I'm an optimist." Wait, I have garlic bread in my freezer... I can save the fresh bread and make the frozen garlic bread stuff. Glad I remembered that. Scenes between Jack and Locke are always some of the best scenes of the entire show. I could just watch the two of them for hours. Locke is going on about how special this island is. "But I've looked into the eye of this island, and what I saw was beautiful." There, that's the line that makes me think old Smokey showed him a vision of the light cave.

I suppose I should wrap up my bread for now... I'll just let the show continue while I do. Oh sure, Jack, cry it up. Ahhh, apparently Jack's dad's ghost has a drink with him on the island too. Enter the cave. I think that's where I'd stay on the island too... In fact, aside from production reasons, I don't know why anyone ever bothered to abandon it. Chrissy is kinda cute. I tried Jack's speech at the airport once, but it didn't work to get me into first class. What a let down.

Ah so it was Boone all along who had the water! And now we get the famous speech... "If we can't live together, we're gonna die alone." Man, Kate just grabs onto that phrase and repeats it so much it makes everyone wish Jack had never said. She's like the Britta of LOST. She's the worst.

s01e06 - House Of The Rising Sun

Yeah, what IS the story behind Jack's tattoos? I really hope they devote an entire reeeally bad episode to that story. I like Sun; she's pretty. I agree with anyone who says that Jin and Sun are the best couple on the show. Following close behind is Juliet and Sawyer, and in third is Charlie and his heroin. Oh good, more hitting.

I wish I could remember what I just went to Google for. I was going to look up something... but what? Maybe I'll remember later. Yeah, that cave is pretty awesome. I'd make it my home. Ugh, I hate bees, and I am also very much allergic. Man, if only Jin knew the English word "watch"... Honestly, the fact that Jin doesn't even know a couple English words is rather unbelievable to me. But hey, it's a show. Alright, back to the bees. Aaaaand Kate is in her bra again. Typical Kate. Ooo skeletons!

They've now found the bodies of the Guardian lady ("mother") and Samuel ("the man in black")... "Our very own Adam and Eve." That's a cute little outfit Sun is wearing there. Aww puppy!! I want a puppy. Good to see Jack knows math. Oh crap, Michael is accidentally teaching his son racism. Poor Michael... I always felt bad for him. Jin covered in blood is a great example of how perspective makes every little difference.

Oh great, Kate and Jack are trying to flirt again. Geez, they're like horny little teenagers... only worse. Oh, I guess Kate was trying to flirt. Jack was just thinking about water. Yeah, that sounds about right. Locke knows about Drive Shaft, as he does about everything else in the universe. I really do enjoy these early Locke/Charlie encounters. Really, just anything with Locke is great. Sayid and his fire... I never understood why 2 camps was such an incomprehensible issue with these people. It's not like there aren't enough people. It's like they just WANT to be divisive.

So now Michael knows that Sun speaks English. The weight of this secret will drive him to drinking heavily and eventually suicide. Okay, it will drive him to set Jin free and give him back the watch. I was close. John Locke's Drug Rehabilitation and Button Pressing Program. They act like several people heading to live in a cave is a big break-up that can't be reconciled. Sometimes I think these early seasons were spent just trying hard to create drama where it didn't exist... which I think is why I personally enjoy the last 3 seasons more than the first 3. Do it, Sun! Leave your husband and come to me! Oh fine, I guess you two are good together. Whatever.

Hurley has the weirdest variety of music...

s01e07 - The Moth

One of the few episodes lacking a "Previously On..." segment. Charlie's rehab episode. Kate is bitching at Jack again... as always. Yes, Charlie, Locke typically sounds like a large hog of some sort. Pimping his band to a priest. Classy. Looking back an episode, I am not sure if I should count Charlie standing on the bee hive as an almost-death. He IS highly allergic... Oh well, I will count that and the boar attack as one combined almost-death instead. Two halves make a whole.

Oh yes, the antenna triangle. I remember this. Kate sucks at being convincing. Actually she sucks at everything. She's the worst. Diazepam to you too, Jack. "You're the rock god, baby brother." Wow, he IS a rock god! He shouted and the rocks moved and caved in around Jack... The rocks did his bidding. Also, Charlie almost died... again.

Gee, thank you for pointing out how unbelievable this show's premise is, Sayid. I almost was able to ignore that until you just mentioned it. "I'm Steve." "I'm Scott." Good old Scott and Steve. Of course, Boone thinks that Shannon is the most reliable person to leave the bottle-rocket task to. I can't help but feel that Drive Shaft is a blatant Oasis rip-off. I wonder what makes me think that. I wonder if those guys have sued each other lately. The sad truth is that Michael doesn't really know anything about construction, "load-bearing" is just the only thing he knows, and he tossed that word out to make himself sound smart. There, I just revealed the big mystery of LOST. Yeah, I really don't get why anyone dislikes Locke.

Kate: She climbs trees. I think that's on her business cards. She runs a professional tree-climbing service... for all your tree-climbing needs. She doesn't get much business. Uh oh, Sawyer just leaked that Jack got caught in a cave-in... and she's off! Did Liam just say "Pez off"?? I think he did... and because of that, Charlie is now hooked on the drugs. I blame Pez. And Charlie almost dies, yet again... only more this time. The rocks are rebelling against his rule.

Oh good, Kate's here to save the day. I wonder if Boone is jealous of Charlie too, considering Charlie actually does help people at times. Don't blame your brother, Charlie. Blame Pez. Moths infest this episode. I guess that's why they called it "The Moth"... Sweet jeans, I'm astute. I hope Kate feels like she wasted all that time and effort trying to dig them out... because she did. Wow, I'm surprised Shannon remembered what to do at all. Yeah, I feel like hitting Sayid in the head every so often too.

I am kind of hungry. Maybe after the next episode I will make some food. Garlic bread and a pork chop sounds like a good meal. Now Walt and Michael are going to live in the cave... across from Sun and Jin. Wait, Kate acts like she has never been to the caves. What about the water collection and bra-running?! She was there when Jack decided to "bring the people to the water." ... She's the worst. In fact, I am going to blame her for Charlie's drug addiction now instead of Pez.

s01e08 - Confidence Man

Couldn't either Jack and/or Sawyer find ANY better woman to pine after than Kate?! What about that tall blonde chick in the blue stripes? Seriously, out of about 45 people, they both gravitate to the needy, co-dependent, scrawny, annoying girl. "You weren't exactly supposed to see that." Oh good, the inhaler. It's funny how many fans grabbed onto the "What happened to the inhaler?" question as one of the "important" mysteries of the show.

Ooo water sounds good. I love how their two choices on trying to get an inhaler from Sawyer are "Send Kate" and "torture him"... Yeah, I'm sure there were no other options there. Yeah, Kate reeeeally does suck at trying to persuade someone. Sawyer's letter is one of the better sub-stories in the show, in my opinion.

Now Locke on the other hand... There is a person who is incredible at persuasion. Kate could learn a thing or two from him, if she knows how to learn anything at all. I wonder if I was the only person who thought the first time around that they never actually proved that Sawyer ever even had the inhalers. Here they are just assuming he has them, but he never said he had them. These people are far from civil. So is it a stereotype that Australians don't like peanut butter?? I have never heard that. Yeah, see... There's no need to torture Sawyer. You can calm Shannon down by talking to her.

Poor Hurley... It's not easy being fat, I'm sure. And to have someone pestering you for food surely doesn't help. See, even Sun knows how to help Shannon without torturing someone. Oh fine, or you can torture Sawyer. Whatever. I really think this just made me like Sawyer even more, really... Enduring all of this without even having what they want. He's a badass. The guy Sawyer is playing pool with in the flashback... His name is Kilo. Don't ask how I know that. Oh crap, I need to do dishes before I can make dinner. Oh well. Ha! Take THAT Kate. You kissed him for nothing! Hey, you can't get mad at Sawyer... You're all the ones who assumed that he even had it in the first place. Morons.

Oh good, and now you nearly killed him. You people are smart... and all the while Sun is actually helping the girl who can't breathe. "You're lucky to be alive." ...considering we tortured and almost killed you for no reason. Yeah sure, blame the innocent guy you accused and found guilty based on your own assumptions with no proof. Am I the only person who thinks Sawyer is the only truly sane person in this episode?

And while all this needless, senseless violence is going on, the hot Asian chick has healed the sick girl in a casual, calm, reasonable... not to mention obvious fashion. Way to go Jack at being a doctor. Yeah, don't get your hopes up, preggo. He didn't actually find any real peanut butter. You don't owe him anything. Great, now I want milk. Although I think I could happily go my entire life without hearing someone pretend to eat peanut butter. Yeah, you'd better feel bad, Sayid. You're an idiot. And I hope you've helped make Kate feel bad about herself. She should. She's the worst.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 1

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my ramblings. Thank you.

s01e01 - Pilot (Part 1)

Alright here we go with the LOST re-watch. Holy crap! An eye!! I just scrolled back to hyphenate "re-watch"... I have seen this episode way too many times. By all technicalities, I should just skip forward to season 4 and pick up there. But I am committed to this thing, so here I go. I wish I could wake up in a bamboo jungle... with a mini bottle of vodka. Okay, so no mini bottle of vodka. Perhaps some Dr Pepper. There's the iconic white shoe, and now Jack is out of the jungle... Screaming. Is it wrong that I am making the engine noises along with the show? Yeah, I've definitely seen this far too many times. I wonder if there's a way to turn off auto-complete in this text editor I am using. Why the hell is the engine even working?! There, auto-complete off. I'd much rather have spell check than auto-complete. I wonder why I hyphenated auto-complete and not spell check. Hmm... Am I the only one who thought they went a little over-board on Claire's pregnant look? And there goes Gary Troup. And yes, I know the name of the guy who got sucked into the engine... but at least it's off. Poor Boone; all he wants to do is help, but he's so inept at it. "Does anyone have any pens?!" "Move! Move! Move!" Why did the wing explode?! This show is far too unrealistic! I should charge my phone. There, it's plugged in.

Typical doctor, running off to inspect his wounds in private. That's a stereotype, right? I wonder what those tattoos mean! God, I hate that episode... Jack meets Kate, the start of one of TV's most boring and annoying romances. I really dislike Kate. Have I mentioned that yet? No?? Well, I am sure to many times over the next few seasons. Sawyer!! Now him, I like. Yeah, HUGE pregnancy belly... I think she's having quadruplets. Is my spell checker even working? Okay, I looked up "quadruplet" and I had spelled it correctly. While Jack rambles on about fear and numbers, let me spell it wrong and see if spell check works... quedrouplet. Yeah, no, nothing. Hmm... I am turning that off. Oh, I had to turn it on first. Done. Now it's underlined in red! Shannon... the "hot" girl on the island. Personally, I think Sun is hotter... "I'll eat on the rescue boat." Now I'm hungry, but I have to wait for the rescue boat. I guess Claire's hungry too. And this is where Hurley started being in charge of the food. Poor Hurley. WAAAAALT! Oh, too soon. Sorry. I'd totally let Sun un-button her shirt. Oops, accidentally typed "shit"... That sentence would have been a lot weirder that way. No Jack, you "African-Americaned out"... Keep it PC, man. "It's not on the beach... neither is the tail." I dunno Jack, I see some pretty good tail here on the beach, hi-five?! No? Okay... Yes Walt, Vincent the dog is knocking trees over and making a loud dinosaurish noise. Very astute.

Alright, here we go with the first flashback. This must have been neat the first time around. Why does Cindy look so different from how we see her later, and I am not just talking about the dirt and stuff... She actually just looks different. And there goes Charlie. I got distracted by the show... forgot to type. And now the plane is crashing and people are being tossed about the cabin. And the BIGGEST unanswered question: Why did the smoke monster sound familiar to Rose? This show sucks now! Oh man, I love Locke. I loved him from the moment he just did that orange smile thingy. My biggest fear in a crash like this would be not having sunglasses. I wouldn't be able to see a thing. I really like the DS on Charlie's ring as coming from the band name, not some Dexter Stratton or whatever it was... That "reason" is so contrived and stupid. Backwards, that's what it is... I'd much rather it be from the Finland tour. And the dog watches on. Man, Locke is awesome. I would have hung out with that guy from day 1. I will never understand why people feel they need to hide from rain... unless it's acid rain, which this doesn't seem to be. I'm sorry... I like twelve-year-old boys like the rest of you, but Kate really doesn't have much of a figure. Little do they know, Charlie is actually a technological genius and is just pretending to not know what a transceiver is! That would have been a nice flashback idea. Crap, I knocked over my root beer bottle. Luckily is was empty. Unluckily as well, I have no more root beer. "Charlie's fine by the way..." Why did it take so long for the pilot to wake up? That timing was a little too perfect... Like it's a TV show or something. This show sucks now! Dakota Fanning is a bit weird-looking. Oh sorry, got distracted by the interwebs. Oooo the smoke monster noise again! I think I was one of maybe a few people who was rooting for the smoke monster from season one(1) all the way through to the end of season six(6). Go Smokey! Aaaand the pilot is over... I mean dead. I still have another hour or so of the pilot, but the pilot is still dead and won't be on the rest of the pilot. Alright I'll stop that. Run!!! Sometimes I wish it HAD been dinosaurs, and they would have been a million times cooler than Terra Nova. Why? Two words: Abrams.

Kate became co-dependent on Jack VERY early on. Okay, I'm not a huge fan of Kate, but I still would never complain about her pouncing on me and straddling me like she just did to Charlie. Just sayin'... Rain just comes and goes so quickly around here. "I'm Charlie by the way." Oh and for the record, Charlie has almost died twice already in this one episode alone. First when the flaming engine of death almost landed on him, and once when he tripped running from the smoke monster. Aww, the dead body of the pilot. And I guess it's on to part 2.

s01e02 - Pilot (Part 2)

And the second flashback of the series is for Charlie... About his "almost deaths", I am going to point out as many as I can during this re-watch. That Charlie had to die has always been a belief of mine. I've actually maintained that theory from the very start of the show. It's probably one of the first things I really noticed about the series. How did Charlie get from the very forward lavatories all the way back to the middle of the plane in such a short time? He was up with the cockpit, yet he lands with the rest of the center-section people?! This show sucks now! And an almost-death by a food cart. Not sure if that counts, but still... That kid almost dies a lot on this show.

Shannon found a bikini. I have no complaints about that. Oooo Sun was showing some skin! Button that top button, you tramp! WALT! ...and so THAT begins. I wonder if anyone has ever counted how many times Michael shouts Walt's name over the course of the series. I am not going to, because I'm too lazy... but someone should. Just not me. Handcuffs... I bet they're Kate's. Oh wait, I know that already. I keep forgetting I've seen this before a gazillion times over. "What is this?" "I just found it." Walt has a knack for not answering questions. For someone who despises being in charge, Jack seems to dive right into the role as often as he possibly can. Oh god, Kate, just shut up. You're not tough, so stop trying to sound tough. Lardo! They should have made LOST in 3-D... Okay that was a horrible idea. Forget I said it. Woo! Kate in her undies! Oh wait, no figure... I almost forgot that it's not that appealing. Does she have some huge scar under her armpit, or is that a seam?? Holy shit, she's a robot!! And now she's gearing up for yet another trek into the jungle. That's actually one of the least annoying aspects of Kate's character. If anything, it adds some depth to her... but not much. I miss you, root beer. Oh don't worry Jack, Kate's good at running.

Man, this was way back when everyone thought Jin was a heartless S.O.B. asshole of a husband... Then we eventually saw HIS flashbacks and realized that Sun was a cheating selfish bitch. Then we saw more of both of their flashbacks and realized that there was just no communication in their marriage, and we (the viewers) just hadn't seen the whole picture. That's a pretty fair metaphor for the show. "Do you read Spanish?" "No, I found it." Great lack of answer, Walt. Charlie and his heroin... The greatest love story of the show. Aww, poor little Shannon is having a breakdown. She looked really weird in Twilight... She and Dakota Fanning both look really weird in that series. Okay, back to LOST. I think everyone should go on the hike. Sawyer's got the right idea; everyone is going on the hike. Hmm, Google Chat just kicked me offline. Oh there, I'm back. Just in time for the trekking musical theme! I love all the variations of this tune. Gonna take a moment to sing along as they climb. Okay there, done. Turns out Walt is actually eleven(11), and Michael got it wrong both times. Plot twist! Locke is right, backgammon is a far better game than checkers. Backgammon is older than Jesus... Well then why aren't we worshiping backgammon!??! This show sucks now! Poor Jin, always having to feel pregnant women's bellies... Or is it just that one time? Whatever, Sawyer and Sayid are arguing again. And here comes the bear. Wait, it's not just a bear... It's a polar bear.

I really don't know what Jack was thinking when he asked Hurley to help with removing the shrapnel. There are plenty of other survivors that even just seem more competent in situations like these. Bear village... Now that would be a fun place to visit. "Guess what! I just shot a bear!" That's my favourite line of the whole pilot. Oh goody, some Kate flashbacks. Oh my gosh! Kate was the one in handcuffs! How expected!! I would like some more juice. I like-a da juice. The behind-the-scenes featurette showing a suitcase being hurled repeatedly at the marshal's head is what I think of every time I see this. Or was it just an interview? Either way, it's what I think of. "We should keep moving." Good idea... On with the show. They've got a bar! I'm with Sawyer on this; Sayid is just making this up as he goes. The French! Well this just sounds like a fun island to be stranded on! Let's play golf! 16 years... So, 1988 then. "Guys, where are we?"

s01e03 - Tabula Rasa

I really have seen these episodes so many times, I am quoting along with the "previously on" bits without even looking at the screen. I want a Klondike bar. Luckily, I have two(2) left, unlike root beer, which I am out of. I miss you, root beer. I'm back with a Klondike bar. Kate's dangerous?! How could a cute little chubby-- Okay, scrawny. How could a cute-- Okay, I'll rephrase. How could a scrawny girl like Kate be dangerous?! Freckles. I doubt that nickname will stick... And now Hurley knows about Kate's little secret. Truthfully, I am shocked that he's able to keep that a secret as long as he does. By the time they build the raft, people still seem to be unaware. "I don't go on marches." Entrusting Kate with the gun is like entrusting Hurley with the food... Oh. Yeah, these people are all idiots. Oh joy, more Kate flashbacks. I have a feeling I will be browsing the interwebs more during this episode... Yes, I'm biased.

A lot of this so far is just summing up what happened in the pilot. Typical of a TV show, but boring to me. The hi-def image is quite good. Stronger drugs? Man, if only someone had some heroin to help out... Yeah, this shot of the fuselage looks incredible on my TV. Nice. Aww Charlie is flirting with Claire. The start of one of the few likable couples on the show. Interesting juxtaposition from Charlie helping Claire with her bag, cut to Sun dragging a bag she hopes is Jin's to him. I love how scared of Kate Hurley is. Oh no! Rain! Quick everyone! Hide from the water!! "Everyone deserves a fresh start." Except you, Kate. Now choke! Ooo, Patsy Cline...

I think Michael's jealous of Mr. Locke. Walt wanted it to stop raining, and it stopped raining. Walt's special. Sun topless... Michael is a lucky man to have seen that. Knowing that the writers were originally planning a Sun/Michael romance, scenes like this seem kind of forced in and awkward... Well, more awkward than they are, that is. Jack is doing a great job at doctoring that man who is screaming nonstop. And now more of the same flashbacks for Kate we've already seen 30 times. It wasn't Kate! It was Sawyer all along! Plot twist!! Hurley, Locke and Sawyer are three(3) characters I loved from the start. Even when they fail at shooting someone to death at point blank range, they still can do no wrong. Wow, I typed "black ranger"... I've watched too much Power Rangers. Yeah, Locke is just awesome. I don't understand the Locke-haters. In fact, I don't know why Michael continues to have a problem with him, even after he found Vincent for him. "Three days ago, we all died." ...but not literally. Why did they even put that line in there? They should have known it would have caused annoying confusion. This little musical montage is pretty much when the show solidified itself in pop culture.

s01e04 - Walkabout

Back to the wreckage (again)... but this time with a focus on a Mr. John Locke. Man, I love that guy. How do they even expect you to sign your name on the back of a credit card?! It's too slick. Either it gets rubbed off completely, or it just smears all over the place. Perhaps they should re-think that. Okay, sorry... Back to the show. A boar! Shoot it!! I'm with Jack in this "burn the bodies" thing. Burn em all! I liked Sayid so much more in these earlier seasons than later when he got all teary-eyed and whimpery. Oh now why are Hurley and Sawyer fighting? Oh... food. What?! The food is all gone?! Man if only there was boar on this island. And out come Locke's knives! Colonel Locke... and Randy Nations asking for TPS reports. I think after this, I am going to go buy some more root beer. Yeah, that's some great English-to-Korean translation there, Michael. Also, that hand-signal for "OK" means something very, very different and dirty in Asian cultures. Congratulations. Charlie and heroin: easily persuaded by flirting. Rose.. She's another character I have always liked. I'll admit that while the flashbacks and twist in this episode are incredible, the boar-hunting and most of the on-island stuff is pretty laid-back and uneventful. It's still enjoyable though! Hmm, I'm half-way through the episode and I haven't written quite as much as the prior episodes. Not sure if that's because I've been caught up watching, or if I just have less to say. Oh well, back to watching! Norman Croucher. Randy's a dick. And the first appearance of "Don't tell me what I can't do." Hooray! Followed closely by the phrase's second appearance.

Ha! I love Hurley and Charlie trying to fish. They make a good team. Oh good, now both Sawyer AND Sayid can mope over their respective letters. I love how calm Rose is. At least someone on this island is calm. Locke on the phone with "Helen"... the 900-number version of Helen, that is. Poor Locke. He really had the worst happen to him in his life, out of all the survivors. Kate climbing trees. Is there anything this girl can't do! Smoke monster! No Kate, not Locke... Smoke monster. Locke is the first of them all to come face-to-face with the smoke monster. In hindsight, I think old Smokey showed Locke a vision of the light cave from season 6, considering Locke said what he saw was "beautiful"... or whatever. I think he used the phrase "heart of the island" too... but I could be wrong. We'll get to it when we get to it.

Poor Charlie, allowing Shannon to use him for a fish. Typical of girls, always wanting fish. That's a stereotype, right?! Rose thinks her husband isn't dead. How cute! Jack just saw a man in a dark suit that we later know is supposed to be his dad... Only on close inspection, it really doesn't look anything like Christian Shephard as we know him. I wonder if it was even the same actor, or just a stand-in until they cast the role. Oh no! Locke is dead, maybe! Only not... Yeah, here he is, pulling a boar. And no, that's not a euphemism.

"I guess she was gonna catch a connecting flight. She wore corrective lenses? And she was an organ donor... or at least would have been." LOST always has the best funerals. And here's Charlie with his heroin again. Those two are cute together. I hope it works out for them. I think this might be the calmest and most still Jack will be for just about the rest of the series... Just sitting on the beach in the dark. From here on out, he'll be running around trying to do everything. And here comes the big reveal... Locke was in Australia the whole time!! Plot twist!!! This show sucks now! "Don't tell me what I can't do!"