Monday, November 19, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Discs 6-7

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e21 - The Greater Good (aka, Sides)

Alright, here I am again... You can all relax now. I got sandwich crumbs all over my bed. Hold on. There. I brushed them off. I am now ignoring sandwich crumbs. Get it? Brushed them off? No?! Oh well, whatever. I'll try again later. Oh good grief. Sayid is being mopey again... although by this point, is he ever NOT being mopey?! That character has his cool moments, but they basically just wrote him as a whimpering, teary-eyed sob-sack. I just waved at the television when the lady introduced herself. I need help. Sometimes I think he's even more co-dependent than Kate. He can't live without Nadia... except when he's with Shannon... who he can't live without... until it's Nadia again... and then he can't live without her until it's Olivia D'Abo who then screws him over so he kills her and then he can't live with himself. There. I just summed up Sayid's life. Oh look. Jack's over-reacting again. Poor Boone. I think this is one of the only not-all-that-funny funerals they've had, really. "...and Boone was the first one into the water." Sure, he needed to be rescued himself, but that is beside the point. Jack looks sickly. The colour in his face is all greyed out.

WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR???!?!! Oh sorry, I Bauered there for a moment. Wrong Jack; I apologize. They get a LOT of use out of that set. Here at the mosque or whatever, the school Faraday taught at, the abbey that Desmond served at... oh yeah, Charlie's church. I'm sure there's more. Way to win the young mother's heart and affections... call her baby a turnip. Hmmm, it seemed to work. I gotta try that sometime. Geez, Locke is so awesome. Why doesn't Shannon see that? Maybe she does, and she's just jealous of his awesomeness... which is why she tries to kill him later.

Jack is stubborn. I wonder if Charlie calls charlie horses "hurley horses"... That would be idiotic. This lady is actually kind of weird looking. Yeah, Hurley singing that song wouldn't calm me down either. Ooo Locke was the one who hit Sayid on the head! And now Sayid is going to cry again. Wait so you won't kill Locke for me now? What kind of boyfriend ARE you?! Babies love Sawyer. Jack's awake everyone! Woah, Kate is watching him sleep. Because that isn't creepy. Oh yes, the gun key is gone so that means Locke took it. Right. Shannon's got a gun, da de da deer da dee... Heroes?! I thought that was a different show. Suicide Bombers 4 Life! Dude! Ya sold out your bro homey for a chick woman?! That's like totally limbo, S-to-the-izzle. How low can you go?

No Shannon! If you kill Locke now, how could there be a season 5?! Oh, I think Shannon is going to break up with Sayid now. "And now, you are going to take me to the hatch."

s01e22 - Born To Run

By the title, I am guessing a Kate episode. You know how much I love those. Woo. Shouting "Platinum!" is a really weird way to start a conversation. I think I will start doing that. Oh Arnst... or Arzt, technically... but whatever. Another fan-favourite. "So when do we have to leave?" "Yesterday." Yet another missing piece was Michael asking Arzt for some more info, and Arzt admits he made the whole thing up to inspire them to work faster. Then he goes on a long rant about a horrible blind date he went to Australia for, and it's really quite funny... Oh, I guess I'd better pay attention to Kate.

See, Kate? This is what happens when you break the law. Your mother dies of cancer. Wow, they got a lot dug out around the hatch. Ooo Kate's tough. I wouldn't want to run into her in a dark alley. I might mistake her for a drain-pipe. Uh oh, Michael is all poisoned and stuff. I blame Locke. "All due respect Jack, but since when do I report to you?" Oooo Locke just gave Jack a touche-style burn. Pa-KOW!! Man, I wish I had more egg nog. One quart wasn't even remotely enough. Under a big tree in the middle of the night, digging up a box filled with memories from when they were kids... This reminds me of Crossroads. SHE TOUCHED ONE!!!

As much as Michael annoys me, I still really like his back-story. Unfortunately, we're stuck with Kate's this episode... I'll live with it. "I mean, Steve didn't even know about the polar bear!" One of the best Hurley lines ever. Aww poor Tom. Kate's "the one who got away"... probably because she can't stay in one place for more than 3 seconds. "You always wanna run away Katie." Okay, a truly unanswered thing from this show: How did Walt know about the hatch and that Locke shouldn't open it.

I'm a big fan of Sawyer outing Kate. Good job, Kate. You just killed your boyfriend. In a moment of Locke-like wisdom and clarity, Jack deduces it was Sun who poisoned the water.

s01e23 - Exodus (Part 1)

Wow, I think it's a bad sign when I recognize that exact episode of Power Rangers SPD that Walt was watching. Also, that I knew which Power Rangers series it was by their uniforms. I need help. Oh hey, the French chick. She's come for the boy-bee. She's troying to hught mah boy-bee!! Oh, also, the Others are coming. Wait, do we push on lift or lift on push?! ... I forgot how to count!! ... Yeah, we gonna break ourselves a raft, bitchez!! Aww and there it goes. Heh heh, Locke said "booby."

Oh hey, Ana-Lucia. Yippee. Better looking than Kate, but surprisingly far more annoying. Hmm, I wonder if at this point, she had figured out that Jack is the son of the guy she came to Australia with. Man, how was she actually quite charming here, and was all "tough and bitchy" in season 2? This show is SO unbelievable. Oh great, Arzt is going to come help with the dynamite. "So, unless you wanna blow up... I'm coming with you." Hey, here's that scene with Sawyer chopping down bamboo, where he tells Jack about meeting his dad. One of my top favourite scenes of the series, truthfully.

Yeah, the marshal probably didn't need to taunt his prisoner quite as much as he did. Oh good, they're finally going to launch the damned raft. I predict it will sink. Poor red-shirted Arnst. Sawyer brought a mast... and no shirt, for the female viewers. Arnst is a loud runner. Oh, the smoke monster is a security system. That makes... sense? Yeah... I guess about as much as anything here.

Shannon gets the doggy... and then she turns Sayid in to security. Poor Sayid. All he wanted to do was buy a tie. Ooo a boat! Let's play pirates! "Relax, they don't speak English." What a dumb thing to presume of strangers... especially considering Americans normally just think everyone speaks English. Alright, let's try this launching thing one more time... Everyone said their goodbyes and nice-knowin-yas? Good. Now let's git dis shee-yit floatin'!!

s01e24 - Exodus (Part 2)

Now here I am on disc 7. I took a few days between this and the last little bit up there, but I decided to shove the season finale on the same post... despite it being on another disc. I really hate it when people spell "finale" as "final" or "finally" as happens every year around season finally time. You see how stupid that looks?!? I mean geez. Oh it's on. Claire's whining unintelligibly while the baby cries and Charlie is begging Sayid for a gun. Why are people such huge fans of this season!? Oh good, back to the Black Rock. "Are you on the same island as I am?"

I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to explore the inside of an old, abandoned ship like this... I could explore this all day. Arnst is making life awkward for Hurley. Hey! Locke and Jack agreed on something! Yeah, Arnst is high-strung. Reeeeeally high-strung. "Woah, what are you doing?! Did I ask you to come closer!?" It's no wonder he blows up right about... NOW! Wooo!!! I guess the island was done with Arnst.

This guy sounds like a bad impression of a Korean mobster, not like a white mobster who speaks Korean... I think he's trying too hard. But oh well, he's not important beyond threatening Jin to not run away. Sawyer is singing "Redemption Song" by Bob Marley... That's the biggest clue to the over-arching point of the show right there. Redemption. Most (I can't say all) of the characters find a form of redemption before being able to die and move on... Oh geez, now Shannon's crying and Sayid is being all sensitive. Back to the Black Rock! "He just... exploded... in front of us." Yeah that makes sense Locke... Ask the SPINAL SURGEON if he's ever played Operation. "You like to play games, John?" "Absolutely." Locke LOVES his games... and the French chick LOVES stealing babies.

And I love drugged-up Australian hookers. "Drive Thru is the best damn band ever." The French chick took her boy-bee. Claire and her damn boy-bee. Oh I got a little distracted by Google... I'm better now. "You got some Arnst on you." This episode has some great lines. More Scott/Steve mix-ups. I think Walt is annoying Sawyer with all his damn questions. Oh god Claire, shut up!! No one can ever understand you anymore!!!

Someone won't stop honking outside. That's annoying me. I hate people. Also, I'm hungry. Does someone want to bring me a cheeseburger? Maybe I'll go get one after this. Actually, I'll get 2. There's a place down the street where I can buy 2 burgers and fries for a total of 5$ cash after tax. Are you all jealous yet? You should be. Yes Sayid, give the ex-junkie some access to heroin. You're not as perceptive as Jack.

s01e25 - Exodus (Part 3)

Starting the episode off with some Smoke Monster... and Locke is going to try to stare it down. I don't think it will be as friendly this time around. Yeah, it's trying to yank him into the ground... I wonder what really would have happened if Jack had let go like Locke wanted. I think he would have been all taken over with the sickness or whatever that got Danielle's husband. I guess we'll never know... and really, it's not important. "The name Aaron is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Aaron is: A teacher; lofty; mountain of strength." There. I answered Sun's question using the magic of Google. Charlie almost died again.

Hurley's flashbacks are always so adventurous and fun. They even have upbeat music when all this crap happens to him. Oceanic were a horrible airline. They have worse bed-side manners than Jack. Apparently Hurley wasn't THAT late for the flight. Arnst is still in line at security. He must have been the last one on the plane before Hurley. The lady at the door letting Hurley on is the same lady that told Desmond that the school had no record of Faraday ever working there. I think she's in on it! "Because you're a man of science... Me? I'm a man of faith... We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason. All of us. Each one of use was brought here for a reason... The island brought us here." I believe he's right. The island brought them there, not Jacob. It may have used Jacob to bring them there, but all of them (including Jacob) are pawns in the island's goal of survival or whatever.

Poor Locke, all despondent in his wheelchair. Michael and Sawyer bonding moment... those 2 and Jin become good friends in season 2. Ooo, a blip on the radar. This couldn't possibly be the Others here to take the boy... We should alert them! Oh never mind, let's get back to the stolen baby plot. Charlie enjoys a bit of conflict. Back to the hatch. There's quite a lot of different story-lines going on right now. Not all of them interesting though, as was shown by the whole baby thing a few minutes ago. Uh oh, Hurley sees the numbers printed on the hatch door. In season 5, he'll see those being printed there in person. "The numbers are bad!"

Fire the flare so they can kidnap your boy already, Michael. There, now don't you feel better? Yay! Tom Friendly! I love that guy. "Only, the thing is... We're gonna have to take the boy." DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! Aww, they blew up the raft. Now he has to build a third one. Michael just can't catch any breaks. Okay, a montage of a baby-returning scene... and of course, Charlie has some heroin. Ooo, a plane-boarding montage! These are always nice. Awww Boone! I miss Boone. Okay, now to finally find out what is in this hatch! I can't wait any longer; I am SO excited!! Come on Lost, show me!! Oh boy oh boy oh boy... Yes, remove the hatch door... Good... Now peer on down and then show us what you see... Okay, it's a ladder... and... and?! SON OF A BITCH!!!

Friday, November 02, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Disc 5

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e17 - ...In Translation

Jin. This episode is about Jin. No, not gin... Jin. The Asian guy that everyone hated by this point. He was such an asshole... until we found out he really wasn't. Liar. His father isn't dead. Ooo Sun in a bikini. Aww man, Jin ruined it. What I always found dumb was absolutely every one of the other survivors seemed to be completely unaware of Korean culture. I thought it was something more people know than didn't, but I guess I was wrong. Either way, Jin's behavior seemed about right to me.

Yeah right, Sun, nothing is going on with Michael because the writers decided to abandon that storyline early on. I, for one, am glad they did... but it's still there in some of the Missing Pieces and Mobisodes. I think they kiss once actually (in the Mobisode), which makes Michael's reaction to Sun's news of their baby in season 4 more understandable. I'm still glad they tossed that story aside fast though. Jin playing golf makes me think of another Mobisode where he shouts angrily at the golf ball. Good stuff. Aww Hurley is so great! Trying to get Jin to fish with him to cheer him up. Oh yeah, Shannon's still alive; I forgot that. Michael's trying to bond with Walt again, but failing. Poor Michael. Oh no, a fire! Michael's raft is burning! Call the fire brigade! ... Actually, I'm a little surprised no one on the island bothered to start a fire brigade, considering all the other little things they've organized.

I should totally become a Korean mobster. That sounds like a good career choice. I'm sure I'd have all the KFC I could eat. Korean mobsters love KFC. They also apparently like puppies. I think Boone just gave Sayid permission to get screwed over by Shannon. Now Sayid is trying to break up with Shannon... I love island soap operas. Yeah, still wondering why and how anyone can dislike Locke. He was so full of wisdom and fantastic advice. He's practically the therapist of the group. "Everyone gets a new life on this island, Shannon. Maybe it's time you start yours." I guess Jin won't be having any free KFC any time soon. Man, he must really want that chicken, because he's going to town on that guy. Is it a chicken factory?! I want my extra-crispy and I want it now. I think the scene in the washroom is the first time Lost showed the same flashback but from a different perspective. "I do whatever your father asks of me. I do it for us." Everyone really just devolved into animal instinct here, didn't they? Yes, let Michael beat up the Korean guy. That will fix everything. Walt, this is how we handle things in New York.

Whelp, now everyone knows Sun speaks English. So much for secrets. Once again, Locke chimes in with logic and reason. "We're not the only people on this island and we all know it." Dammit, dammit, dammit, oh hey Walt. Uh oh, Jin is moving out. Does that mean Sun is available now?? There, see? Jin's dad is alive. Well, was. He may have died by now and we just don't know it. That's one of the huge remaining unanswered mysteries of this show. Did Jin's dad die of heartache after the crash or not? Boy how I wish they'd tell us things like that. Of course, Locke already knew that Walt started the fire... and that Billy Joel didn't. Is this when Hurley's CD player dies? Yep... It's dead. "Son of a bitch."

s01e18 - Numbers

4 8 15 16 23 42 -- That's right, THOSE numbers.  Seriously, people... Jin / Hurley scenes are some of the most funny scenes of the show. This episode also has some great Hurley / Charlie scenes. Man, this episode really started a world-wide trend. Those numbers are about as well known as... I can't think of anything more well-known about this show than that, really. Maybe the smoke monster, but I think the numbers have even that beat.

Haha, Hurley is just watching Sayid sleep. Because that's not creepy. Hurley really doesn't understand "nonchalant" at all, does he? Well Charlie just seems a bit confused. That's right Locke; give the pregnant girl some manual labor to do. Sayid and Shannon trying to act cute is rather nauseating. Hurley's mom is awesome... Why did I never catch that before, that Diego's girlfriend/wife Lisa left him for a waitress? That's hillarious!

Nice to see the cable is still fully above the sand... The tide apparently didn't re-bury it. "I'm an accountant; I believe in numbers." Okay, I went to get some lemonade. What did I miss? Hurley is spry. Oh Leonard. I love Leonard. He's awesome. So is the summer sausage I am currently snaskcacking on. That word was supposed to be "snacking" but I was busy with my sausage. Wow, that sounds perverse. Hmm, we know the cable goes out to the Looking Glass... but what about the end that goes into the ground? What power supply does it actually come from? ... if it IS the power supply. I could only assume, but I guess with this show... and Charlie almost dies again, this time on a suspension bridge. What's the count at now? I don't know... I'll figure out later. Actually, I'll probably forget until next time.

"You make your own luck, Mr. Reyes." Okay, now I have applesauce. I think I have a problem. I started my live-beefing with sunflower seeds, moved on the popcorn, then sausage and now this. I wonder what else I have. Jack blew up Rousseau's shelter. Way to go Jack. Maybe it was all that KFC talk, made me hungry. Man, Hurley can RUN!! French chick doesn't know what the numbers mean either, and now Hurley's pissed. Good old fun-time Hurley is pissed. Aww Sayid found the burned up picture of Nadia... Between her (before and after the island) and Shannon, he really does move on quickly. Just sayin'... "She says hey." Once again, Locke is awesome. I think that's my moral of this show: Locke is awesome.

s01e19 - Deus Ex Machina

And to further prove my point, another Locke episode. "There's a T on the end." That is one strong-ass hatch door. Ah there it is: "Then the island will tell us what to do." I think Locke's mother is as immature in her old age as she was when she was a teenager. I really love this episode. There's the Nigerian plane... "Theresa falls up the stairs. Theresa falls down the stairs." They really started getting into the mythological elements of the show here. We have the island speaking to us, destiny, dreams, healing, father issues, and a plane.

Anthony Cooper. Now there's a character. He just might be the biggest asshole on the show. Ooo! Another Jack / Sawyer scene. I do enjoy these. I think there are specific pairings that both fans and the writers enjoyed. Locke just found Eko's friend in the tree... and Sawyer needs glasses. I see a huge variance between the A and B stories here. But that's okay. Locke's story is enough to warrant a scaled-back B story.

I really hate Cooper. He's such a scumbag. Oh look, a plane. "What is inside of it?" Yemi. Yeah, just Cooper being on screen makes me hate him. He really is a great con artist, but he's a horrible person. Apparently Jack is an eye doctor now too. Kate has no ass.

Poor Boone. I really like that character and was sad when he died. He was just such a simple character... it was refreshing. I was really happy any time he re-appeared on the show. Him and Ethan. Any time Boone or Ethan were on an episode, post-death, it was really neat. Drug smugglers... and an actual priest. Boone found a radio, so now he's going to call Bernard. Once the plane stops a-rockin' that is. Pssht, that's not Bernard. Sounds nothing like him. It's like they hadn't cast the role yet, so they put in a fill-in voice. Oh, the plane crashed... again. It just isn't Boone's lucky day, is it? What with the death and all. Okay, so he's not dead yet, but he's getting there rather quickly thanks to the plane falling off a cliff.

There's Kate's lack of ass again. "Kate, now! Please..." Get that semi-sexy non-ass over here and help me care for almost-dead Boone. Damn you, Cooper!! Maybe if Cooper had been part of the cause of Kate's problems too, I would have cared more about her story. I love both Locke and Sawyer, and how Cooper ties into both of them... but Kate was severely lacking in the Cooper department. Katie needs a wittle Cooper, don't she? Yes she does-e-wuzzies! Sheesha sheesha boo boo... Okay I'm done with the baby talk. That will never happen again, I promise.

...and somewhere, off in the jungle, some time-traveling Losties and a smoke monster disguised as Locke see a beam of light coming from Desmond in the hatch. Funny, the light behind that filthy pane of glass doesn't seem to be strong enough to cast a beam of light into the sky like they saw later on in the series. Oh well, enough nit-picking about that.

s01e20 - Do No Harm

Time to attempt to heal Boone. I remember watching this thinking "Yeah, they wouldn't just kill off Boone. That would be stupid and not normal." Ha! Sawyer thinks Claire likes him. "Sawyer, I need all your alcohol. Now!" I'm fairly certain I am paying far too much attention to my Hitchcock box set and not enough to this movie... but whatever. Hitchcock.

You kind of get the feeling from Sarah's reception speech alone that this marriage is doomed. Her vows are even worse, really. Great, Claire's in labor again. Only this time, she's in denial as well. Good, Jin will help. If only he understood English... He's likely to bring them some KFC. Yeah, I really want KFC. Of course, like a typical female... Shannon's off on a romantic tryst while her brother is bleeding to death. Typical.

One thing you have to give Jack... He really gave his all to try to save Boone. Gave all his blood, that is. [hi-five] "I think your water just broke." Well then get her a new one!! [hi-five] Yeah, I'm on a roll. Come on Boone, you can't even keep a secret when you're dying?! Do you really want to die knowing that you spilled Locke's innermost secrets? "We're here for God knows how long... and so is Boone." Boone is leaving a lot sooner than you'd think, Shannon.

I really need to make some dinner. Is Boone dead yet? He's still alive? Geez... just die already so I can eat!! Yeah, Jack's dad is a great source for marital advice. I think not. Oh, I think off in the bushes somewhere, a time-traveling Sawyer is watching Claire strain and push. There he is! Oh, no that's just Jin. Good, back to the dying guy. This is a pretty gruesome episode, truthfully. "I know you made a promise. I'm letting you off the hook." A moment of clarity for Boone that I always found heartwarming... It's also a line that 2 others have said to Jack throughout the series. Rose said it to Jack earlier, and Sarah says it later in a flashback. Coming up in the past... Yeah, I still haven't figured all that out.

I wonder if Aaron is just Boone reincarnated. My guess would be that they had Aaron born before Boone's actual death for the exact purpose of destroying that possible theory... and he's gone. That scene always gets me a bit choked up, but the one that really hits me is right here, when Jack heads over to inform Shannon. It's the music. It's gotta be the music. I couldn't see the show. I think something got in my eye. Okay, I got it out. Yeah. I'm good.