Monday, November 19, 2012

Live-Beefing LOST: Season 1, Discs 6-7

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched LOST, you may be confused or apathetic about the following post. Please go watch the series through at least once before bothering with my writings. Thank you.

s01e21 - The Greater Good (aka, Sides)

Alright, here I am again... You can all relax now. I got sandwich crumbs all over my bed. Hold on. There. I brushed them off. I am now ignoring sandwich crumbs. Get it? Brushed them off? No?! Oh well, whatever. I'll try again later. Oh good grief. Sayid is being mopey again... although by this point, is he ever NOT being mopey?! That character has his cool moments, but they basically just wrote him as a whimpering, teary-eyed sob-sack. I just waved at the television when the lady introduced herself. I need help. Sometimes I think he's even more co-dependent than Kate. He can't live without Nadia... except when he's with Shannon... who he can't live without... until it's Nadia again... and then he can't live without her until it's Olivia D'Abo who then screws him over so he kills her and then he can't live with himself. There. I just summed up Sayid's life. Oh look. Jack's over-reacting again. Poor Boone. I think this is one of the only not-all-that-funny funerals they've had, really. "...and Boone was the first one into the water." Sure, he needed to be rescued himself, but that is beside the point. Jack looks sickly. The colour in his face is all greyed out.

WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR???!?!! Oh sorry, I Bauered there for a moment. Wrong Jack; I apologize. They get a LOT of use out of that set. Here at the mosque or whatever, the school Faraday taught at, the abbey that Desmond served at... oh yeah, Charlie's church. I'm sure there's more. Way to win the young mother's heart and affections... call her baby a turnip. Hmmm, it seemed to work. I gotta try that sometime. Geez, Locke is so awesome. Why doesn't Shannon see that? Maybe she does, and she's just jealous of his awesomeness... which is why she tries to kill him later.

Jack is stubborn. I wonder if Charlie calls charlie horses "hurley horses"... That would be idiotic. This lady is actually kind of weird looking. Yeah, Hurley singing that song wouldn't calm me down either. Ooo Locke was the one who hit Sayid on the head! And now Sayid is going to cry again. Wait so you won't kill Locke for me now? What kind of boyfriend ARE you?! Babies love Sawyer. Jack's awake everyone! Woah, Kate is watching him sleep. Because that isn't creepy. Oh yes, the gun key is gone so that means Locke took it. Right. Shannon's got a gun, da de da deer da dee... Heroes?! I thought that was a different show. Suicide Bombers 4 Life! Dude! Ya sold out your bro homey for a chick woman?! That's like totally limbo, S-to-the-izzle. How low can you go?

No Shannon! If you kill Locke now, how could there be a season 5?! Oh, I think Shannon is going to break up with Sayid now. "And now, you are going to take me to the hatch."

s01e22 - Born To Run

By the title, I am guessing a Kate episode. You know how much I love those. Woo. Shouting "Platinum!" is a really weird way to start a conversation. I think I will start doing that. Oh Arnst... or Arzt, technically... but whatever. Another fan-favourite. "So when do we have to leave?" "Yesterday." Yet another missing piece was Michael asking Arzt for some more info, and Arzt admits he made the whole thing up to inspire them to work faster. Then he goes on a long rant about a horrible blind date he went to Australia for, and it's really quite funny... Oh, I guess I'd better pay attention to Kate.

See, Kate? This is what happens when you break the law. Your mother dies of cancer. Wow, they got a lot dug out around the hatch. Ooo Kate's tough. I wouldn't want to run into her in a dark alley. I might mistake her for a drain-pipe. Uh oh, Michael is all poisoned and stuff. I blame Locke. "All due respect Jack, but since when do I report to you?" Oooo Locke just gave Jack a touche-style burn. Pa-KOW!! Man, I wish I had more egg nog. One quart wasn't even remotely enough. Under a big tree in the middle of the night, digging up a box filled with memories from when they were kids... This reminds me of Crossroads. SHE TOUCHED ONE!!!

As much as Michael annoys me, I still really like his back-story. Unfortunately, we're stuck with Kate's this episode... I'll live with it. "I mean, Steve didn't even know about the polar bear!" One of the best Hurley lines ever. Aww poor Tom. Kate's "the one who got away"... probably because she can't stay in one place for more than 3 seconds. "You always wanna run away Katie." Okay, a truly unanswered thing from this show: How did Walt know about the hatch and that Locke shouldn't open it.

I'm a big fan of Sawyer outing Kate. Good job, Kate. You just killed your boyfriend. In a moment of Locke-like wisdom and clarity, Jack deduces it was Sun who poisoned the water.

s01e23 - Exodus (Part 1)

Wow, I think it's a bad sign when I recognize that exact episode of Power Rangers SPD that Walt was watching. Also, that I knew which Power Rangers series it was by their uniforms. I need help. Oh hey, the French chick. She's come for the boy-bee. She's troying to hught mah boy-bee!! Oh, also, the Others are coming. Wait, do we push on lift or lift on push?! ... I forgot how to count!! ... Yeah, we gonna break ourselves a raft, bitchez!! Aww and there it goes. Heh heh, Locke said "booby."

Oh hey, Ana-Lucia. Yippee. Better looking than Kate, but surprisingly far more annoying. Hmm, I wonder if at this point, she had figured out that Jack is the son of the guy she came to Australia with. Man, how was she actually quite charming here, and was all "tough and bitchy" in season 2? This show is SO unbelievable. Oh great, Arzt is going to come help with the dynamite. "So, unless you wanna blow up... I'm coming with you." Hey, here's that scene with Sawyer chopping down bamboo, where he tells Jack about meeting his dad. One of my top favourite scenes of the series, truthfully.

Yeah, the marshal probably didn't need to taunt his prisoner quite as much as he did. Oh good, they're finally going to launch the damned raft. I predict it will sink. Poor red-shirted Arnst. Sawyer brought a mast... and no shirt, for the female viewers. Arnst is a loud runner. Oh, the smoke monster is a security system. That makes... sense? Yeah... I guess about as much as anything here.

Shannon gets the doggy... and then she turns Sayid in to security. Poor Sayid. All he wanted to do was buy a tie. Ooo a boat! Let's play pirates! "Relax, they don't speak English." What a dumb thing to presume of strangers... especially considering Americans normally just think everyone speaks English. Alright, let's try this launching thing one more time... Everyone said their goodbyes and nice-knowin-yas? Good. Now let's git dis shee-yit floatin'!!

s01e24 - Exodus (Part 2)

Now here I am on disc 7. I took a few days between this and the last little bit up there, but I decided to shove the season finale on the same post... despite it being on another disc. I really hate it when people spell "finale" as "final" or "finally" as happens every year around season finally time. You see how stupid that looks?!? I mean geez. Oh it's on. Claire's whining unintelligibly while the baby cries and Charlie is begging Sayid for a gun. Why are people such huge fans of this season!? Oh good, back to the Black Rock. "Are you on the same island as I am?"

I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to explore the inside of an old, abandoned ship like this... I could explore this all day. Arnst is making life awkward for Hurley. Hey! Locke and Jack agreed on something! Yeah, Arnst is high-strung. Reeeeeally high-strung. "Woah, what are you doing?! Did I ask you to come closer!?" It's no wonder he blows up right about... NOW! Wooo!!! I guess the island was done with Arnst.

This guy sounds like a bad impression of a Korean mobster, not like a white mobster who speaks Korean... I think he's trying too hard. But oh well, he's not important beyond threatening Jin to not run away. Sawyer is singing "Redemption Song" by Bob Marley... That's the biggest clue to the over-arching point of the show right there. Redemption. Most (I can't say all) of the characters find a form of redemption before being able to die and move on... Oh geez, now Shannon's crying and Sayid is being all sensitive. Back to the Black Rock! "He just... exploded... in front of us." Yeah that makes sense Locke... Ask the SPINAL SURGEON if he's ever played Operation. "You like to play games, John?" "Absolutely." Locke LOVES his games... and the French chick LOVES stealing babies.

And I love drugged-up Australian hookers. "Drive Thru is the best damn band ever." The French chick took her boy-bee. Claire and her damn boy-bee. Oh I got a little distracted by Google... I'm better now. "You got some Arnst on you." This episode has some great lines. More Scott/Steve mix-ups. I think Walt is annoying Sawyer with all his damn questions. Oh god Claire, shut up!! No one can ever understand you anymore!!!

Someone won't stop honking outside. That's annoying me. I hate people. Also, I'm hungry. Does someone want to bring me a cheeseburger? Maybe I'll go get one after this. Actually, I'll get 2. There's a place down the street where I can buy 2 burgers and fries for a total of 5$ cash after tax. Are you all jealous yet? You should be. Yes Sayid, give the ex-junkie some access to heroin. You're not as perceptive as Jack.

s01e25 - Exodus (Part 3)

Starting the episode off with some Smoke Monster... and Locke is going to try to stare it down. I don't think it will be as friendly this time around. Yeah, it's trying to yank him into the ground... I wonder what really would have happened if Jack had let go like Locke wanted. I think he would have been all taken over with the sickness or whatever that got Danielle's husband. I guess we'll never know... and really, it's not important. "The name Aaron is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Aaron is: A teacher; lofty; mountain of strength." There. I answered Sun's question using the magic of Google. Charlie almost died again.

Hurley's flashbacks are always so adventurous and fun. They even have upbeat music when all this crap happens to him. Oceanic were a horrible airline. They have worse bed-side manners than Jack. Apparently Hurley wasn't THAT late for the flight. Arnst is still in line at security. He must have been the last one on the plane before Hurley. The lady at the door letting Hurley on is the same lady that told Desmond that the school had no record of Faraday ever working there. I think she's in on it! "Because you're a man of science... Me? I'm a man of faith... We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason. All of us. Each one of use was brought here for a reason... The island brought us here." I believe he's right. The island brought them there, not Jacob. It may have used Jacob to bring them there, but all of them (including Jacob) are pawns in the island's goal of survival or whatever.

Poor Locke, all despondent in his wheelchair. Michael and Sawyer bonding moment... those 2 and Jin become good friends in season 2. Ooo, a blip on the radar. This couldn't possibly be the Others here to take the boy... We should alert them! Oh never mind, let's get back to the stolen baby plot. Charlie enjoys a bit of conflict. Back to the hatch. There's quite a lot of different story-lines going on right now. Not all of them interesting though, as was shown by the whole baby thing a few minutes ago. Uh oh, Hurley sees the numbers printed on the hatch door. In season 5, he'll see those being printed there in person. "The numbers are bad!"

Fire the flare so they can kidnap your boy already, Michael. There, now don't you feel better? Yay! Tom Friendly! I love that guy. "Only, the thing is... We're gonna have to take the boy." DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! Aww, they blew up the raft. Now he has to build a third one. Michael just can't catch any breaks. Okay, a montage of a baby-returning scene... and of course, Charlie has some heroin. Ooo, a plane-boarding montage! These are always nice. Awww Boone! I miss Boone. Okay, now to finally find out what is in this hatch! I can't wait any longer; I am SO excited!! Come on Lost, show me!! Oh boy oh boy oh boy... Yes, remove the hatch door... Good... Now peer on down and then show us what you see... Okay, it's a ladder... and... and?! SON OF A BITCH!!!

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