Saturday, February 06, 2016

Internal Something: 1 - External Silence


1 - External Silence

The following is from a night in mid-November when I had recently become aware of my cognitive dysfunction, although I still did not know that's what it was. The thoughts and words are as close to accurate as my memory allows me.

Where am I? Where are we going? Oh... right. Takeout. It must be Thursday.

She's talking really fast. I wonder if I should tell her that I'm only getting every fourth word or so. What is she even talking about? Okay, I caught that word. She must be talking about work. That car is loud. I should let her know I'm not ignoring her. What is she talking about? Work, right. Okay, something about a stupid person. I should say something.

"They sound dumb."

Okay, I guess that was right. I'll just keep saying "Mhmm" and "Yeah." Where is this place? Are we going to Yango's? I'm just going to assume we're going to Yango's until we don't. Aww, a puppy.

"Aww, a puppy."

I don't know if I should tell her that I'm not understanding any of this or not. Maybe if I get food in me it'll be better. Yeah, that's probably all I need is food. And some caffeine. Maybe I'm just tired. Should I tell her some of the stuff I've learned about my thing? How do I even start that? I can't just say "You know how my brain's all fucked up?" ... Can I? Oh, I think her story is done.

"So... um, you know that thing with my neck and all that..."

She just got quiet. She looks sad. I probably shouldn't bother her with that now. I doubt I'll be able to explain it right anyways.

"Anyways, I've been figuring some stuff out, so that's good... I'm hungry."

There. She looks a little less sad now. She probably already understands what's going on with me better than I do anyways. I don't want to ruin her day by going on about something even I'm not sure of... I have to tell her though.

"Ooo, an office owl. That's a good idea."

I'll tell her later.

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